//Rafe Cameron\\
"You don't make deals with the devil, not unless you want to dance with him and maybe I did"
Lily Grant has spent her whole life slumming it with the pogues, being that she is one.
They're her day ones, her best friends. Life coul...
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••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• Trigger warning: Rape, drug use, sexual and domestic abuse.
I'm pulled from what feels like a different dimension. Somewhere in between earth and hell. It's blurry and dizzy and has made my mouth dry and my eyes burn. I blink hard enough to burst a blood vessel in desperation to clear my vision. A faint buzz vibrates through my eardrums.
The fog coating my eyes has swelled to borderline blindness if they're even able to open, have they been glued shut from the sweat coating my skin? or the tears that are dryly stuck to my cheeks like residue? The entire universe spins as I sit up. Only to realize I never moved at all and only managed to peel my eyelids open. Kades popcorn ceiling meets my gaze; sending every detesting emotion crawling up my skin like parasites feasting on my flesh.
A groan rolls up my throat as I attempt to move. First having to find feeling in my toes by wiggling them before I can attempt to ask my brain to move my body. It's still drugged..or frozen from being drugged. It needs to wake up but I'm not sure how much more abuse it can take. My bones feel weak and brittle as if they're deteriorating beneath my skin. My lungs feel heavy and like they've sunken into my ribs. My heart hasn't stopped racing in weeks; I can feel my blood pressure swelling the nerves around my brain and every cell in my being. I shake, my fingertips tremble incessantly. I can hardly stomach food, it coils into knots and burns like hot oil is bubbling in its acid.
Pain has incased my skull; it moved in weeks ago and has only grown more agonizing. Maybe the physical pain itself has come and gone and come again but it feels as if its never left..not since he did.
I miss you I love you I'm so sorry
I'm exhausted yet my mind won't let me rest. My body feels like its weighed down by a thousand bags of sand. My bones feel as if they're buckling under the weight yet the only weight in this picture is the weight I've lost. It hurts to breathe, it hurts to blink, it hurts to exist. Every breath feels like effort I don't have, strength I can't muster. If I had a more poetic way to put it I would but english and writing was never my best subject.. I feel dead. And I wouldn't mind if that's hopefully soon to be out come, in fact....I welcome it.
My wrist pops as I use it to push myself up. Taking note of Kade asleep next to me. Holding my breath as I do my best to sit up. My naked body is covered in a thick coat of sweat. My inner thighs stick together as I wince trying to peel them apart. My core burns gut wrenchingly; hot fire like sensations crawl up the spot between my legs; igniting nausea that bubbles up my throat and chokes my esophagus. I fight the urge to cough, slamming my eyes shut at the prickling pain that causes deep behind my sinuses. Did he make me snort something? My heart rate sputters sending anxiety beating through me. I don't remember snorting anything.. but he's given me so many different things, I'm not sure I'd know. I'm not sure how much of the last few weeks I don't remember.
