The Guy Next Door (COMPLETED)

Chapter 61: Deafening Silence

UNEDITED
So I think I'm going to have to say this or else you're going to give up on this book. I almost did too. This is the last melodramatic chapter. It's the chapter where shit quite literally hits the fan. After this it's just resolution and it gets lighter. So breathe and don't give up. I gave up so many times I wish I could skip this chapter entirely. But this is the last one in a series of what has been the shit I can't do this anymore chapters. If you're through this chapter the rest of the book finally comes out of this dark gloom.

"Clara I'm so-" He starts.

"No." I say,"No you can't- you-"

He's apologising for it.
Because it's true.
It's true.
No.
No.

Alec can't- Alec won't- but he did.

"Clara I really am sorry." He says.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

How-how-

I find myself backing away away from him and he looks at me-

Jake lied to me but Alec-Alec he- oh god.

"Clara I am sorry-"

"Sorry?" I say my voice shaking,"Sorry? How-how can you think sorry can make it alright you-you fucked up so badly and you're saying sorry as if it's going to make everything all right.I can't- I can't how could you do this? You're the one person I believed in. You've always been the one person Alec how- how-"

"I'm sorry." He says again desperately.

"I'm sorry won't make things alright!" I scream,"You lied to me! Y-You were drunk and you drove the car. You crashed it. You-You-"

I don't realise that I'm still moving backward and I hit the car behind me. I need to leave but I can't- can't-

But Rebecca had been right I can't run away from this I have to face this but-

"Alec how- how-" I couldn't get myself to even start to understand how I could be so wrong about a person.

"I made a mistake!" He says,"You don't think I know that?"

A mistake.
He made a mistake.
No, this couldn't be pushed aside as just a mistake.

And I wasn't going to let it just go.
I couldn't let it go.

"A mistake?" I question,"A mistake is oh! I mistakenly put ketchup instead of mustard on your hotdogs not oh! I went on a joyride while I was drunk and crashed the car and almost two people killed, Alec."

"I didn't mean to do it." He yells and I look away convincing myself that I wouldn't cry. That there was nothing left in me to cry about.

He sighs,"I don't know if you've noticed but I've wanted to tell you for a long time. And I know I messed up but I didn't do it intentionally. I was angry and I never asked Jake to get into the car. I didn't crash the car on purpose,I lost control. But if I did. If I had told you would it have made any difference?"

No it wouldn't have. Not even one bit. Because there were a lot of things I could forgive Alec for, there were a lot things I had forgiven Alec for, but this..

"Did you do this intentionally?" My voice is quiet and toneless.

He stares at me unblinking. He looks at me unsurely,"You think I would do this on purpose? That I would try to hurt him on purpose? Do you actually believe that?"

"I don't know what to believe in! " I explode,"I've always believed in you. You've known that. But you lied to me. You drove the car drunk and you-you were the one who crashed the car. You almost killed him Alec and your-"