Double Sided Tracks

Angela

Lewis is racing in Brazil, and Isa is in pre-school. Carmen had dropped him off in the morning, not before gently setting him up against her to cuddle before school. She is currently propped in bed watching qualifying, while munching on the macarons Max had dropped off the night before him and Lewis flew into Brazil. 

"Would you like some soup?" Carmen asked, pulling her out of daydreaming. "I just finished them," she smiled gently, walking in and sitting right by her feet. "How are you feeling?" she asked.

Nora loves her. Carmen is truly her second mom, when her own can't make it to Monaco due to businesses, Carmen has been there. "I'm okay, thank you." she said, although she is lying a little bit. She's feeling slight pressure on the side of her stomach, but she knows it'll go away soon.

Carmen moved closer, sitting almost at her side. "Did you watch the qualifying?" she asked despite SkySport playing on the TV, though she doesn't blame her. All the medications she is on caused her to be extremely tired that sometimes she falls asleep without realizing.

"I tried, I can't remember who qualified which," she said sheepishly. Carmen just smiled, fondly, and tucked a stray hair behind her ear.

"Well mummy, Lewis actually qualified pole." She said with a big smile.

She gasped, sat up straight so fast she's sure she pulled something. "Oh my god– I have to call him- I," she frantically said, looking around for her phone.

Carmen gently shushed her, pushed her down gently so her back was propped on the pillows like before. "He's still doing media pen, you have time to call and pretend you were watching." She passed her phone, and winked teasingly. "I'll get you some soup," she added and climbed down the bed.

Nora didn't feel like eating but she didn't say anything, thanked Carmen and watched Lewis on screen to wait until he's done with his interview. 10 minutes later, before she could even call him, Lewis called her.

"Hey baby!" he greeted, with the giggle that she missed so much. "Did you see?"

Nora ignored the question, and couldn't bring herself to lie. Not even about the smallest thing, she maxed out her allowance of lying and keeping secrets. "No, I'm sorry." She said, voice full of regrets.

"No, no, sweetheart. Don't ever say sorry." Lewis said, and Nora smiled a little. Though her chest aches a little, it's been like this since they have found out that she's pregnant (or, Lewis found out she is 22 weeks pregnant and on the verge of early labor). It has been non-stop soft spoken words, and regrets. So many regrets from Lewis.

"I shouldn't have said yes to Fred"

"I shouldn't let Ferrari do this"

"I should've paid more attention"

"I should've said no"

Should, shouldn't, would, wouldn't, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry but none of them matter anymore. None. The fact is, Ferrari was bigger than both of them when he let it get inside their home. The politics, the 'cult', the traditions– they took over. Ferrari took over. 

After she was discharged, and before he left for Brazil, they had talked about it. They talked about how reckless it was that she hid her pregnancy for 22 weeks from him, and she had told him that there was never a good time to tell him. That shut him up. But Nora doesn't want to shut him up, she wants them to fight.

She doesn't want apologies, she doesn't want guilt looming over him, she doesn't want them to be like this. She wants to feel. She wants to feel something other than fear and pain, and if it has to be anger from fighting, then so be it.