Double Sided Tracks

Goodbye kiss

It took them a week to settle everything and to go back home, he had asked his parents to go back home and not linger. Apologizing to them, of course they understood, told Nora that it is time for them to go back to London. Nora hugged them and went to their room, immediately climbing on their bed.

Isa was at school at the moment, and he's genuinely considering calling Max and asking him to pick up Isa and maybe keep him until tonight. Lewis will pick him up once Nora falls asleep, which should be soon, considering she's taking her painkiller soon. But that felt so cruel, Isa is their baby, he hasn't seen them in a week.

He went to the kitchen for a cup of tea and made his way to their room to find her on the bed, facing the ceilings. "Hey baby,"

"Hey,"

"I made you some tea," he said, placing the tea on their nightstand and helping her sit up. He winces when her shirt lifted up, revealing the band-aid placed on her lower stomach. A proof that it was all real.

"Thank you," she whispered, patting the space beside her. He climbed in quickly. It felt like he's in a limbo. He couldn't figure out how she's feeling other than grief, of course. But, he couldn't figure out how she's feeling towards him, is she angry? Upset? Does she hate him?

Sometimes she stares at him like she's in physical pain being in the same room as him, sometimes she initiates touches like right now. She's settling herself on his chest, the cup on her palm.

"We have to pick up Isa," she whispered.

Lewis wanted to say, it's okay to have some time away from Isa so she can mourn her other baby. He'll take care of everything. But that day, she climbed into the passenger seat and greeted Isa with the biggest smile he has seen on her face since they lost their baby.

It's been a month, Lewis is glad that they were having their break before the triple header but he's due to come back soon. But, even if he had to skip the end of the season, he'll be fine. Then Charles could win it. He'll be okay with that.

There are good days, and there are bad days. Of course. They're supposed to have an appointment with the grief counselor and marriage counselor, but she's been sitting on the bed. The same position as before, he reminded her multiple times. She's not moved yet, still in the same pajamas from this morning.

"Darling, would you like me to change the appointment to a phone call, instead?" he asked.

She shook her head, not saying anything.

He sighed, he's not annoyed at her, really. He's frustrated. "I'll call the office and tell them we'll be late, okay? But we have to head out soon," he said gently.

He was convinced that they'll have to cancel since the past few appointments were almost useless. She shared a few words, while Lewis bare his soul on the stupid pretentious couch. A few hours a week, to watch his wife dissociate.

Jane, their counsellor, greeted them warmly.

Lewis and Jane had a conversation after their last appointment, when Nora returned to the car alone. Jane said she was holding everything back– he knew that. Even when Lewis returned to the car and mentioned the conversation (because it felt like he was hiding something behind her back), Nora had only stared at him and gave him a small shrug.

So today, he held himself back. Trying to sit on the pretentious couch, waiting for Jane to pry his wife open.

"So, It's been a month." Jane started, and Nora sucked in a deep breath and stared at Jane like she had physically stabbed her. But she just stayed quiet, not a single word muttered, only a small disruption to her steady breath, like the statement physically choked her.