Double Sided Tracks

New York Cheesecake

"what are you thinking?" Lewis asked, it's a thing they always do. Their own version of I-spy.

She sucked in a deep breath, "I'm tired," she whispered then squeezing one of Lewis' hands. "What are you thinking?"

That this is all my fault, that I've been a terrible husband, father, and you don't deserve any of these and I'm feeling that running would be better— "I'm scared," he said instead, she looked into his eyes and he wanted to cry and scream. She looked up to him like he still holds every single promise that he made, like he hasn't failed her. Like he's not the reason why she's in this hospital bed hooked to so many IV lines. He doesn't deserve her.

She smiled softly, gently tracing the tattoos inked on his arms, long strokes like she's following the patterns. "You know what I'm thinking?" She asked because the rule is to go one by one, but Lewis hasn't asked because if he asks she'll know how broken he would sound.

He nodded, he could feel his eyes burning and Nora quickly wiped his tears and he wanted to cry even harder because he should be the one comforting her and not the other way around.

"I'm thinking that... we will be just fine," she said softly, her face full of determination though her voice was so so tired that Lewis wanted to go and beg the doctor to do anything. Anything to fix them. "We'll be just fine," she repeated.

They stayed like that for a little bit, Lewis burying his face between her arm and the side of her stomach and she has an arm around his shoulder. Hand softly scratching his head.

That night after he made sure Nora was asleep and lets
one of the nurses know, Lewis drives back to their house to grab a few more change of clothes, snacks for her, to check in on his mum and Isaac.

When he stepped into the house he was greeted by silence, which wasn't surprising as it was 9:30PM and it was surely past Isaac's bedtime. He found his mother sitting on the sofa flicking through the channels but he could see that she's not exactly watching, "hey, were you waiting for me?" he asked and she smiled at him with a nod.

"I wanted to know how she's doing, didn't want to give you a call just in case she's asleep."

His chest tightened at that, all of a sudden he's a young boy coming home to his mum after a bad day at the track. He sat beside her and he crumbled, every string tied to hold him from breaking apart in front of Nora snapped in front of his mum.

"Oh baby," she whispered, holding him tightly. He had missed this, being held tightly. He had been too scared to give Nora tight hugs, afraid he'll hurt her.

After what felt like forever, he sat up straight and jammed his fists against his eyes until he saw stars. "She was having contractions again but her water didn't break so that's good, back on magnesium and steroids so she's feeling rough right now."  He explained, having listed medications in his mind, steroids to help their baby boy develop his tiny lungs faster and magnesium sulfate helping protect his tiny brain and there's so many other liquids that she's on to help stop the pre-term labour.

Having to be the one fully in charge to take it off her plate, Lewis heard all kinds of procedures and medications from the doctor, even taking notes so he can do his own research and talk to different doctors.

"We're just trying to hold on for another week, at least." He explained, the doctor had explained that at this point all they are aiming for is another week, to hit the 26 week mark. To add 10% chance for their baby to survive. Lewis had told her that after his and their doctor's meeting (Lewis decided that they no longer should do these meetings in front of her, to avoid stressing her out) and she had jokingly said, "I bet I can hold up until 27 at least," but she said it her unusual soft teasing way, she just sounded tired. But Lewis forced a laugh anyway, then told her that he's sure she can.