Bastille Imagines

Sweet Dreams

It's only ever rare that sleeps comes naturally to you, even then you feel like the luckiest person in the world to even have a light snooze. It was never always like this, this only appeared maybe a year ago when uni became too much for you to handle and now it's never let go. It was those dreaded words of the diagnosis that the stress began to build and build and build...

Insomnia's no joke. It's living hell. Always living because you can't catch a break. People don't seem to believe that sleep is something that a person could miss out on, which is true, but when sleep only comes to you in short half-hour-periods, the only thing you crave is a long lie in the morning, the slightly heavy feeling of tiredness you have when you wake from what feels like an everlasting sleep. Unfortunately, that isn't an option for you.

For a full year, you've noticed the bags under your eyes becoming heavier and heavier, your bloodshot eyes no stranger to your appearance and the slightness of your lanky frame has become, frankly, quite disturbing. Your therapist often tells you to work out, force your body to become tired and hopefully that will could resolve your little insomnia problem. Only, it doesn't. Even testing the ability of a focussed mind doesn't have an effect, your poorly spent hours wasted solving sudoku's, crosswords, general knowledge quizzes, puzzles, all from which you have gained nothing from. The only thing you can't solve though is your problem. It's worst when the early mornings arrive, following that same routine every night;

The two hours of an attempt trying to go to sleep.

The realisation hits you that it just won't work, then eventually you get up to exercise.

You exercise for an hour every night, then hit the sofa to spend the next few hours watching a film.

Then four o'clock comes. You hate four o'clock. It's that specific point of the night where you know everyone around you is asleep except you. The night is almost taunting you, forcing the moon floating in the sky to shine down on you like it's mocking you, deliberately alienating you from the rest of the sleeping world. But in the eyes of others, the moon can be somewhat symbolic of peacefulness and relaxation, that every time you look at it you know that it's time to sleep. You find it ridiculous when the parents of frightened children would ritually tell them the folklore of the moon; that it would shine away the monsters of the night and keep you safe. 'The guardian of the night' so they say.

You distastefully scoff to yourself knowing that you really should be in bed, building your energy for the studious day of uni tomorrow but because you've had no energy for so long, you've forgotten what it feels like to have it. After lazing about for two hours, you eventually get that one and only half hour sleep...until your alarm shrieks you awake. Dreading the very thought of it, you slide yourself out of bed feeling the icy coldness of the wooden floor beneath you escalating up your entire body. Your entire body aches to succumb under the temptation of a deep slumber again as the amount of sleep you've had isn't enough to get through today, although you know that your mind wouldn't allow to sleep again.

You arrive at uni with only minutes to spare, the fatiguing walk you endure to get there has burned everything you've mustered up that was intended to last the entire day. Your closest friend, Dan, pats you gently on your back just seconds after sitting down, you turn round to see than more-than-concerned look on his face again.

Dan tries his best to help you in any shape or form and to the best of his abilities. You really do appreciate the support you get from him, but as things for you get worse you can't help but feel somewhat guilty when you don't get better, like he expects you to. But when his expectations of you gleaming and energetic the next day aren't met his sorrowful eyes are the only things you face for the rest of the day. He once told you that he'd consider you as his sister and it's more than anyone can do for you, your problem can only be manageable by some lighthearted words.