Friday, March 25th, 2011

886 10 2

by AlyJones

by AlyJones

Friday, March 25th, 2011

5:31 pm

Dear Diary,

I’m so tired of Tyler. He’s called me names — “stupid,” “fat,” “ugly,” and a “loser.” He’s hurt me physically. He’s been doing everything in his power to make my life a living hell.

I tried talking my mom into putting me back into home-school. I hated homeschool, but I hate the fact that I have no one more.

I stand up for everyone against anything — but they never do the same thing for me. Why? Is it cowardness when Tyler’s hurting me? Am I not considered a friend to them? Because I know that if Jessica had been there, then she would’ve kicked Tyler’s butt for me.

I told my mom all of this — the sense of abandonment from others, the lack of friends, and the bullying. I’m not covering for Tyler and his b*tchy attitude anymore.

Mom said, and I quote, “Maybe it’s time to start acting like a jerk to him. I know it’s gonna be hard for you — considering that you were raised to be nice to everyone.”

But, I don’t wanna be a jerk! That makes me no better than him!

Right?

Also, I have a question:

How can everyone else cry without shame?

No offense! I completely respect people who cry.

But … I can’t stand to show it like them. I feel helpless, vulnerable. It drives me insane! I can’t stop once I’ve started, though.

I’m also so uncomfortable once someone else starts crying. I feel numb, frozen. I want to help them, but my mind goes blank, and I just can’t. And I’m always so ashamed. Everyone else is so comforting and sincere towards them — and what am I doing? I’m sitting down in the corner and trying to laugh it off like I do with all my emotions.

Am I just insensitive? Is it just the way that I’ve been raised?

Love,

Alison

5:54 pm

_________________________________________________________________________

Attention! Attention! Okay, well, I have entered this into the Watty Awards. Please tell me if I'm making a mistake with this. But, also, if you could, help me win? I dunno how all this works, but I'm bound to figure it out ... right?