A Very Personal Entry From My Diary.

Sunday, March 27th, 2011

Sunday, March 27th, 2011

3:16 pm

Dear Diary,

I went for a walk today, and I realized some things.

I walk around all day with a smile plastered on my face, a laugh painted from my voice, and all the while, I’m lying to myself. I do all these things so much that I believe they are real. But, I can’t remember the last time I laughed or smiled for real. I pretend to be thing strong and happy girl that doesn’t have a thought in her head or a care in the world; but that’s just one big lie threaded into my life.

I wonder what it’d be like if people knew that truth; if they knew of this caged girl inside, who screams with all her might to be set free. If everyone knew of the soul locked behind black eyes; if they heard the thoughts and words that were at the tips of my tongue, that were tortured to silence; if they were forced to bite their tongues and hold in their anger.

I know that if people lived the way I live they wouldn’t see me the same.

Every day I’m put through the struggles of surviving; to hold pain and anger and sorrow inside; to bite my tongue which holds truth and unkind words. I am forced to be strong for the people around me.

For one day, I’d like to cry. I’d like to show the others that behind the soulless black eyes is a human being. She has emotions, and she isn’t afraid to show them.

But, that day will never come. No one will break down the heavily guarded walls that I hide behind as a sense of protection.

Love,

Alison

3:35 pm