Things I Could Never Tell You

43, 44, 45

Text #43.

February 11, 9:07 am.

It's a free period now. I'm sitting here on the stairs with Sophie and you're on the other side of the class. You're sitting next to her and her face is pressed against your shoulders. I can't stay here anymore. I see the way you look at her. The way you tuck a loose strand of her hair behind her ear. The way you hold her hand. The way you bury your face in your neck. The way you talk to her. The way you act around her. The way you want to be around her. I see it all of the freaking time. I hate it.

I can't change it. If I could, I would. But I can't.

Text #44.

February 12, 11:25 am.

I remember how you would do a lot of things to annoy me. I remember how you would open your mouth while eating only to piss me off. I remember how you would try to imitate Pavarotti in a high pitched and completely off key voice only to irritate me. There were a lot of things you'd to leave me furious purposely. You'd lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray. You'd finish the 99 bottles of beer song. You'd wear your cap backwards and say "Yo, wazzup?" a lot. You'd insist that Celine Dion was better than The Beatles.
And despite everything else, every single thing you did that bothered the hell out of me, is every single thing I crave to come back.

Text #45.

February 13, 10:39 pm.

I don't think I'll ever understand something about people. Why do we love the things that hurt us? Why do we only crave the things we can't have? It's like us, human beings, enjoy getting hurt. It's like a drug addict. He probably knows that what he uses, kills him. It destroys him and it tears him apart, but that doesn't mean he'll stop using it. It's amazing how the things that most kill us, are the same ones that makes us feel alive and wanted. We know that we can get hurt when we fall in love, we know that, but we pretend to play as ignorant and just take the leap. We take the risk of getting our hearts broken, and that's what happens, with some exceptions. And then we even get surprised that we got broken even though we knew that it was bound to happen anytime.