Things I Could Never Tell You

188, 189, 190

Text #188. 

July 2, 1:41 pm.

Here's what I just texted Cameron:

Sent to Cameron at July 2, 12:43 pm.

Cameron, I know the last thing you wanna do is talk to me, but I want to tell you a story. I don't know if I have the guts to say it to you face-to-face, because even hearing myself saying the words I'm too scared to listen hurts. I won't start with once upon a time, because we're not in a fairytale. This is reality, and sometimes, reality can suck. I always would believe in fairytales when I was little. My mom used to tell me that I was a princess and that someday, I'd find my prince. It took me a little while to figure out that it never was really true. If you lose your shoe at midnight, no one is going to catch it and look for you, someone will probably just steal it and sell it. If you eat a poisoned apple, you don't magically get back to life by the kiss of your long lost soul mate. Things like that hardly ever exist. There are no frogs turning into princes, no pumpkins turning into beautiful golden carriages. I learned that the hard way. So now, I'll tell you a story. I hope I can clarify everything that I never had the guts to tell you.

One time, there was this girl who had one person that she loved most everything. Her best friend. His name was Tyler Scott. They would always do everything together. Even though there were problems surrounding her, when he was around her, all of them disappeared. It was like they weren't even there to begin with. She thought everyone was happy. It may sound cliché asf, but she thought they would be friends forever and one day, maybe even more than that. Until one day, another girl who was prettier came up. She started throwing herself at the boy and some weeks later, he was head over heels for her. Suddenly, the time he spent with his best friend, he started spending with the pretty girl. Until, he no longer talked to his friend, leaving her alone and wondering what was it that she did wrong. They rarely spoke, and his ex friend for months, became feeling anxious, lonely and sad, thinking about how much people can change from everything to nothing, all at once.

It's a pretty sad story, but hey, that's it. I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier. It's just that being replaced sucks, and my pain is shy. She doesn't like talking to strangers or even revealing herself as weak. When he left, there was one time where I drank vodka like it was water. I got completely wasted. My family was getting into fights and everything was a chaos. No one knew how I felt and honestly, I didn't want them to. If there really is a cure for a heartbreak, I don't think I've ever found it. I just learned to live with the fact that people change, even if you don't want them to. But I want this to be temporary. If people are temporary, as might as well be sadness. People would never have guessed that one day, we would walk past each other in the school halls and pretend the other doesn't exist, even though we know it wasn't supposed to end like this. I guess sometimes even the inevitable ends up not happening. He got over me by getting under her. And I have to start living with this fact as soon as possible or else it's gonna be harder and harder afterwards. No one can save me from this, and that's the hardest part. I need to do it on my own. And I still don't know how to. Because I still remember the day on where he walked in my life like someone who wouldn't leave that easily, but he did. I need to save myself because everyone is busy with their lives and themselves that no one cares if you're fine or not. Life isn't a novel, even though it can seem like it sometimes.

I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier.

Text #189.

July 3, 5:54 pm.

Cameron isn't answering any of my texts. It's kind of hilarious to believe that some weeks ago, he was the one chasing me and now it's the other way around. He is turning into the worst kind of people right now. The kind of people who see the message, but don't respond you. That really sucks. But I'll just try calling him again.

Text #190.

July 4, 6:04 pm.

Wow. What can I say about today? I still get goosebumps whenever I think about it. I'm grounded by Mrs. Porter because she called mom and dad and told them what happened, but whatever, it was sure as hell worth it and it's easy to fool her around. I woke up at 6:08 am sharp this morning because I couldn't sleep any longer. At seven o'clock, I got up from bed and walked towards the kitchen. Bella was there, making a check list of the things she's gonna take to college. She's been pretty paranoid, since college is just one month away. I unlocked the front door as soon as I stepped outside, there was a paper folded with my name on it. I knew that letter. It was Cameron's letter.

I unfolded the paper and there was a map drawn by him. There was my house, my house's street, the Boulevard that is some miles away from here and the map stopped on a parking lot. My eyes traveled to the corner of the paper, where there was some words written. It read: follow the map. I'll be waiting. Xx, Cam.

I smiled as soon as I saw that. I didn't even bother to eat something, I just grabbed the car keys and started driving. I don't have my license yet, but that didn't stop me from driving on an open boulevard. Some minutes later, I was at the parking lot that the map indicated. I parked the car, got out of it and realized that it was empty. Completely and utterly empty. I looked around, expecting this all to be a prank. I walked some yards away from the car and found nothing nor no one. But something caught my attention. A graffiti on the wall. My eyes widened as soon as I saw it closely. It was me. The same picture that Cameron had drawn of me, was painted on the wall. Beneath it, in some messy letters stood the words: unimaginable effect on me. There was a signature underneath it that went in the form of: C.B.

Cameron. Suddenly, I felt hands on my waist, making me jump. I looked around, and there was Cameron. He wore a cap, a goofy smile on his lips, a basic white v-neck shirt and some swag pants. He didn't do anything else but hug me.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier," I muttered.

"It's okay, baby." He said, making my eyes widen because of that name. "He's an asshole for letting you go, you know that, don't you?" He whispered in my ear.

"Yeah," I mumbled, knowing that that wasn't true. You're an asshole, that is obvious, but I can't think of you like that no matter what.

"I'm sorry for being mad at you. I really screwed up. I was pressing the same button and you weren't ready to tell me. But I'm glad you did. It means you trust me." He smiled. I smiled back.

My eyes traveled to the graffiti. "You did that?" I asked, biting my lower lip.

"Yeah, I'm kind of a street artist." He simply shrugged. "If Mr. Giovanni finds out, he'll have my head for dinner." He chuckled.

"Why do you do it?" I asked, catching a closer glimpse at it.

"To vent it all out. There's a pleasure in doing things that are forbidden." He smirked.

"You got that right," I laughed. After a short while of time I spent in silence, I couldn't help but ask: "Why me? Why did you draw me?" I asked.

"You really think it's that impossible for someone to actually like you?" He questiones, raising an eyebrow up.

"Yeah. I mean, who in their right mind would fall for someone like me?" I questioned.

"Me," he said and instantaneously closed the gap between us with a kiss. I could feel my blood flowing rapidly on my cheeks, making them as red as ever. First, it was gentle and sweet, like he was afraid to break me. But as soon as I began kissing him back, he responded by pushing me against the wall that was behind us, and kissed me with passion. I felt his tongue ask for access, and I opened my mouth to grant it. He caressed my cheek and grabbed my waist, pulling me closer to his body, but I pulled away in order to catch my breath once more.

"W-What was that for?" I stammered, and put a hand to my tingling mouth.

He just gave me a big, silly smile as an answer.

I'm still thinking about it.