Things I Could Never Tell You

164, 165, 166

Text #164.

June 9, 5:41 am.

I'm here, in bed and there are still some more hours for Cameron to come pick me up to his house. My thoughts were just traveling through some fantasies of mine. I never imagined someone actually falling in love with me. Getting butterflies in their stomach whenever I get near them. I'm different, I'm not the kind of girl who has that effect on guys I guess. Maybe I'm just... more average than most girls.

Text #165.

June 10, 9:53 pm.

Yesterday the barbecue was pretty awesome. Cameron picked me up and when we got there, the house was full. He said that the Italian people like to do parties and invite their families over. I met his little brother, JayJay, more known as Little Turd by his older brother. I also met his mom, Lisy and his dad, Giovanni. His dad is a chef, and oh my lord, he cooks deliciously well. His mom is a psychologist who is very fond of trying to make her older son and I quote "vent his feelings out". They're all really sweet and cool. We got there, and the smell of homemade food filled my nostrils, leading us both to the kitchen. Giovanni was cooking a Zuppa de Porcini, an Italian dish. While we waited for the food to get ready, Cameron turned on his Xbox and we started playing Just Dance. He started dancing All About That Bass by Megan Trainor. The girl in the video looked like a four-year-old dressed for Easter. But oh well, we all have different tastes. It was actually pretty funny, cause there was a part where the person needed to roll her hips and when he did it, I spit off my juice out of laughter. Everyone in the living room stared at me and I apologized like a thousand times, lol. A half an hour later, lunch was ready. It was yummy and the smell was irresistible. My stomach betrayed me again. I was supposed to be in a diet. We spent the rest of the afternoon just playing video games and doing random stuff. And I beat him on Call of Duty! Like can you actually believe this!? The people left at six and Cameron had the idea of doing a fire in the backyard. I felt an absolute sense of déjá vú. Lisy gave us the idea of roasting some marshmallows that she had in the dispense. I actually didn't believe that. Everything looked exactly like it was one year ago. When we'd make a bonfire in my backyard and we'd roast some marshmallows. But one thing was different though. When his parents entered the house, he picked up his guitar from his room and started playing it. He sang Heart On Fire by Jonathan Clay. I can still remember the lyrics.

And I won't let you go,
Now you know,
I've been crazy for you all this time.
I've kept it close
Always hoping
With a heart on fire,
A heart on fire.
With a heart on fire,
A heart on fire.

Hand in hand,
Sparkling eyes.
The days are bright,
And so are the nights.
'Cause when I'm with you I'm grinning.
Once I was through
And now I'm winning.

He sang and through the entire song, he had his eyes on me. I was distracted and when I least realized, his face was only inches away from mine. I was going to. There was a part of me who was battling for me to pull away before it happened, but that part wasn't winning. Until everything cracked. My eyes shut automatically by a flash coming from behind us. Cringing, I opened my eyes only to see Little Turd with a camera on his hands and a goofy grin on his lips. Cameron's face became furious. He started running after the little boy and screaming to his mom that he was pestering him, while I tried to ask myself what the hell would have happened if Little Turd didn't had interrupted us. Would I have... kissed him? I pushed that thought away from my mind. No, I wouldn't have kissed him. I don't want to get too close to someone and give them power to hurt me and plus, I can't imagine myself kissing anyone else but you. I don't want to ruin this friendship I'm starting to have with Cameron. He came back and his hair was all messy. He smiled and said we should take a selfie together. I wanted to reject, since I'm not the biggest fan of taking pictures of myself, but I just accepted. He took his cell phone our of his pocket and angled his frontal camera to us, near the fire and with the stick with marshmallows in our hands. I have to say, the picture was pretty awesome. I didn't look like a weirdo for the first time. He said he was gonna post it. I just agreed. It's not like it will cause me any trouble, lol. Some minutes later, I told him I had to go back cause Bella was waiting for me. We hopped into the car and as soon as we got at home, he bid me goodbye and kissed my forehead. Something about the way he looked at me made me feel a little lightheaded.

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Cameron Dallas is Cameron, with one eye blue and the other brown.

Shawn Mendes is Tyler. Or the other way around?

Pick your candidates. And thanks for the 87K reads! Love you guys! :)

Text #166.

June 11, 10:30 pm.

Is it possible to have an overdose of feelings?