Things I Could Never Tell You

273, 274

273.

September 25, 5:44 pm.

I just woke up. I couldn't sleep until 5:00 am thinking about Cameron. When I closed my eyes and slept it was 10:00 am so so. I can't stop thinking about him. I can't think of anything to make this situation less tragic than it already is. When he left, he took more than half of me with him.

274.

September 26, 6:45 pm.

Today we had an extracurricular class in school. As always, I have the worst of luck. Cameron was in the same class as mine. And so was you. Cameron looked at me, like he was carrying all the pain of the world and sat on the last row. You entered the room and saw me sitting alone on the middle row and sat beside me. Just like old times.

The job was to choose a song that described your life. I didn't choose any. I don't think any song could ever describe every pandemonium of feelings I have inside of me.

When it was your turn, you chose Sorry by Justin Bieber.

When you walked up to the front of the class, I saw how gorgeous you looked.

When it was Cameron's turn to go up, he chose the song You Found Me by the Fray. It was our song. He didn't even look at me when he was quoting the lyrics.

When my turn came, I tried to give an excuse to Mr. Davis, but he didn't listen to me. I didn't have any songs on my mind, so I just chose Home by Gabrielle Aplin.

It kind of described my situation. My whole situation.

So when I'm ready to be bolder,
And my cuts have healed with time
Comfort will rest on my shoulder
And I'll bury my future behind
I'll always keep you with me
You'll be always on my mind
But there's a shining in the shadows
I'll never know unless I try

With every small disaster
I'll let the waters still
Take me away to some place real

Cameron didn't talk to me throughout the whole school day. It sucks being ignored by the person who matters most to you.