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July 20, 6:55 pm.

If I ever told anyone, they would find it hard to believe. I don't know how to control what I say. What I do. How I act. People usually think it's the easiest thing ever. To be polite, to smile even when you're sad, to not fool around because you're already growing up. The truth is that I can't take it anymore. I don't want to be anyone's idea of perfect. I wanna be who I want to be, even if I don't know how to turn myself into that person. I want to be able to be a person who knows that when you pray for rain, you gotta deal with the mud also. I wanna be the kind of person who jokes about things, no matter how old I am. I think that maturity is something that you have to define it on your own. To most, a mature person is someone serious, who takes things seriously and just is comprehensive about everything and everyone. For me, a mature person is someone who has their own control of themselves. Someone who is playful when the situation is driving everyone insane. Someone who can be able to walk with money and not spend it. Someone who knows how to listen and how to be heard. Someone who has the ability to control their feelings in front of people and someone who knows how to choose in between reason or emotion. I'm not that kind of person. But I hope I'll be someday. I'm just tired of people trying to take over my life somehow. I'm tired of not being able to forget people who forgot me. I'm tired of always crying, even when I'm supposed to be strong. I just wanna be able to feel totally ok, that's all.


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I'm sorry for not having updated these days! I had no idea of what to write! But it's okay, I'll update more today! Happy new year! Ily all so much!

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