Things I Could Never Tell You

173, 174, 175

Text #173. 

June 17, 7:13 pm.

I went there. I went there and well, at first I couldn't choose in between my outfits, but I ended up choosing the third option. I brushed my hair and my teeth and went straight to the park. My heart was beating faster with every step I took. It sounds cliché as fuck, but there's no other way to say it. I saw him there as soon as I got there. He was sitting in a bench and throwing little rocks at the grass. For a moment, I hesitated if in thinking I really should go there, but I went anyways. I tapped his shoulder and he looked back. For a moment, I could see the crystal clear relief in his eyes on the moment he turned to face me. His lips curled up into a smile.

"I thought you wouldn't come," He whispered as he tried to hide the smile that was obvious in his lips.

"But I came, of course I did." I smiled at him.

"Thanks, Steph. I don't what I'd do if you didn't come." He avoided eye contact for a while.

"Probably mope around for the rest of the year?" I joked, poking his stomach.

"Yeah, the chances of me doing that would be major." Cameron entered the joke.

"I'm sorry," I said all at once. My heart was speeding.

"No, there's no need to--" He was starting to speak when I cut him off.

"Yes, I need to, Cam. I really do. I acted like a bitch. I'm so sorry for not calling you back or responding any of your texts. I was just... Scared." I admitted, facing the floor.

"S-Scared of what?" He stammered, biting his lower lip. His multicolored eyes traveled to me as I chewed my inner cheek.

"Of getting attached to you," I mumbled shyly, staring at my feet.

"If that happens, it would be the best thing ever for me. I know how it feels, Steph. To be scared of letting your guard down so someone can come in and mess you up completely." He said, chewing his lower lip. "Fuck, I know exactly how it feels like." He whispered, running his hands through his hair.

"I do too," I said, containing myself not to burst into tears.

"I'll be here if you need me, S. You can always count on me, k?" He said, pressing his shoulder against my cheek and smiling at me.

I nodded.
It's just hard to believe. Last time an ugly disappointment came dressed in a pretty illusion named Tyler Scott. 

Text #174.

June 18, 10:01 am.

Today I woke up, went downstairs and I basically jumped. Literally, I jumped. You were there, sitting on the couch and watching cartoons with dad. At first, I thought I was hallucinating. I blinked a couple of times and it took me some minutes to figure out that it was actually you. Finally, something scared me. I looked at my reflection on the small mirror that hung in the stair wall and made a face. I looked horrible. My hair was all messy and I had huge bags under my eyes. As silently as possible, I tiptoed my way up to my room again. I put on some decent clothes, washed my face, brushed my hair and my teeth. I went downstairs and almost automatically, your eyes traveled to me. You looked hot, really hot. I tried my best not to stare. You quickly got up from the couch and threw me a yellow smile.

"Hey, Stephanie. I didn't want to wake you, so I just told Tyler to wait here. I find it really nice that you both are going back to hanging out again." Dad said, walking back to the kitchen.

"Hey," You said once he was gone.

"Hey," I faked a smile.

"I just came because... because I wanted to talk to you." You told me, scratching the back of your neck.

"Talk," I said, raising my eyebrows.

"Well, not here..." You mumbled, biting your lower lip.

"Okay, well, let's go up to my room."I told you, pointing to the stairs.

"O-Okay." You stammered.

We walked up to my room. Once we were there, you looked around and looked to the floor.

"What was that, Stephanie?" You suddenly asked, your eyes focusing on me.

My eyes were traveling to your lips, but your words made me jump a little.

"What was what?" I asked, chewing my inner cheek.

"The picture," You answered as if it were the most obvious thing on earth.

"What picture, Ty?" I said and instantaneously regretted it. I shouldn't have called you Ty. Not then, not never.

You looked a little taken aback. My hands were a little shaky because of this whole situation. All I felt like doing was pressing you against a wall and kissing you until your lips felt like home. But hey, I'm Stephanie Olsen. I'm not corageous, I never have been.

"The picture with Carter!" You exclaimed.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said and meant it.

"The picture with you and him near the fire burning marshmallows!" You shouted, which caught me a little off guard.

"Oh," Was all I could say. "What's wrong with her? I actually like it," I smiled to myself at the thought of Cameron.

"Now he's replaced me, is that it?" You asked in disbelief, tossing your hands up.

My eyes widened.

"What? Are you really doing this?" I shouted.

"Yeah, of course I am. We used to do that! It was our tradition!" You said, running your hands through your hair.

"Yeah, and now you're doing the same stuff we used to do with that damn girlfriend of yours!" I screamed.

"I know her. You don't know him. He doesn't... deserve you." You said.

"No, you just know her for some damn months and you stopped talking to me all this time because you wanted to hang out with her. You chose your pick, so this time is my turn." I said, crossing my arms over my chest.

"So that's it?" You asked, facing the floor.

"You chose her, Tyler. You chose her." I whispered, wanting not to cry in front of you. I wouldn't.

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean we can still be friends." You told me.

"I'd do anything to change that," I muttered under my breath.

"What?" You asked.

"Nothing." I said. "You better go... Dad probably will come here anytime." I said and you nodded while looking down the floor.

"I love her, Stephanie." You whispered, before glancing away and leaving the room.

I sat on the floor and cried. And that's what I have been doing until now. 

Text #175.

June 19, 7:51 pm.

I wish I had never met you. I wish you never turned out to be my friend. I wish I didn't fall in love with that adorable crooked grin of yours. I wish you would get out of my life and so it would have saved me these many fucking tears I've shed for you. I wish you didn't look so perfect while staring at nowhere exactly. I wish you didn't make me so emotional. I wish you wouldn't have made me fall in love with you. I wish you didn't have the power to hurt me without you even realizing it.