Psycho

Day 11

The next day I felt tired and dazed. I stayed at work late last night, reading over notes I wrote about patients, specifically Jason, and was back the next day to do the same thing. Sometimes he was rude, mean, and from what I've recently seen, cruel. But other times he showed times in kindness or care in his own weird way. It was more than just bipolar.

Jason entered my therapy room and I yawned as he got settled. I unlocked him, preparing for what I had planned today.

"How are you today, Jason?"

"Why do you always ask me how I'm doing? I'm stuck in prison doing the same thing everyday, nothing changes," he wondered.

"Well first off, I'm required. but more importantly, I care. Sometimes things do change, don't you remember yesterday?" I reminded him. He ignored me, looking off to the side. "So, Jason..."

"So, Katie..." he mimicked.

"Dr. Hartford," I corrected for what felt like the hundredth time. He just rolled his eyes in response. "I want to try the happiness thing again."

Jason groaned as a response. "It doesn't work, remember?"

"I know it didn't work last time, but I have a new approach to it this time."

"That is..." he trailed off, raising his eyebrows and now interested.

"You'll see. But first, I notice you fidget a lot, correct?"

Jason gave me a strange look. "Yeah..."

"Well..." I pulled out a drawer and pull out a stress reliever, handing it to him. "I'm not sure if it will work for you, but I find it helps many of my patients. It could also help with your anger."

Jason took the stress reliever, staring at it. It was a basic red ball, though once I saw it in Jason's hand I realized it was a lot smaller than I imagined. It completely covered my palm. "You couldn't at least get a nice shape? Or something bigger?" he joked.

"It seemed larger when I held it, but I guess I have small hands," I smiled as I held my baby hands up. Jason look down at his hands and then held them up in comparison. Our hands were nearly touching and my heart started to skip beats. I was unsure why because I wasn't scared. He wasn't going to hurt me. I gulped, moving my hands away now. "See?"

Jason moved his hands away and took the ball, tossing it in his hands. "So...this happiness thing?"

"Right. Get comfortable and close your eyes like last time," I instructed. Jason did as told, waiting for further direction. "Now I'm going to narrow this down for you a little more. Think of the last time you were happy." Jason sat there, his eyebrows scrunched in concentration. "Just tell me when you think of it."

A few minutes passed and Jason still hadn't responded. He finally shook his head. "I don't know."

I frowned at his response. He couldn't think of the last time he was happy? "Well...think of the future then. Think of what could make you happy. Knowing you it would be something like money," I gave ideas.

Jason grinned, chuckling. "Yeah...I'd be sitting in a pool just made of money. Dollar bills, all hundreds. No running, no cares, just me and my money."

I raised my eyebrows, writing this down. Everyone has different ideas of happiness, and I'm just glad we progressed. "Okay, now think of...yesterday. When you were faced with Nick. How did that make you feel? Describe it to me."

Jason's grin faded. "I was furious. I just wanted hurt him like he did to you, but worse. I had the urge to just...kill him. To end my problems by ending him," he described like I wanted.

I wrote this down, nodding. "Now think of your happy place," I said.

Jason was getting angry now though. "I wanted to wipe that smirk off his face, I wanted to end him right there and..." he continued instead.

"Jason..." I tried stopping him.

"I could've. If I wasn't stopped, I wouldn't have to worry about him anymore!" Jason opened his eyes, standing up. "I could move on!" he yelled, his eyes dark as he reached towards me. I dropped my pen and papers down as he pulled me.

"Jason, stop! Think of your happy place!" I exclaimed, desperately trying to control him. I squeezed my eyes shut and hoped Jason would do the right thing, his grip tightening and hurting more from the bruises Nick gave me. But then it stopped. I could feel Jason's cold hands on my neck, but they weren't gripped on. I opened my eyes and met Jason's who was already staring into mine. They were no longer dark, but back to the honey color I noticed on day one.

His breath was shaky, as was mine. His hands slowly moved up to my face before moving back and away from me. He still stood close, our faces inches apart. I swear he glanced down at my lips before sitting back down in his chair. "I'm sorry," he apologized.

I nodded, looking down at my pen and paper that were spread across the desk. I gathered them once again, making notes and replying to Jason. "You did it."

"Did what?" he questioned.

"You stopped yourself."

He shook his head. "No, you stopped me. I wouldn't have stopped if you hadn't said anything," he corrected me. I nodded and went back to my notes. "But even that is new for me."

I looked back up at him. "What is?" I asked.

"Stopping when I'm told. That's not something I usually do, I guess you got lucky," he answered. I just gave him a small nod. Maybe he thought it was luck, but I think I was finally changing him. Slowly but surely.