Psycho

Day 17

Jason walked in the next day for therapy and we got started right away.  I handed him a pen and a pad of paper, pushing it towards his side of the table and leaning back in my chair.

Jason looked down at the pen and paper before up at me again.  "What's this for?" he asked me.

"I want you to make two lists.  One of the things that make you happy, and one of the things that make you unhappy," I explained, sitting up and leaning toward him.  "And I want you to be honest.  Don't leave a single thing out."

"Even if it will scare you?" he raised an eyebrow.

I took a deep breath.  "Nothing you write down will scare me," I stated.

Jason squinted, leaning towards me now.  "What if I know it will scare you?" he challenged.

I couldn't help but grin a little.  "I've seen and experienced more things than you know, Jason.  You won't scare me by ink on paper," I assured him.

Jason locked eyes with me, seeming to search for something.  The truth, nerves, fear.  But I wasn't revealing anything.  Once he realized this, he moved back and started to write.  I leaned back in my chair, waiting now.

After a few minutes, Jason dropped the pen and pushed the pad of paper to me.  "Done," he stated, leaning back in his chair.

I gulped before slowly taking the pad of paper, looking down at the list.  There were many things listed under unhappy.  People disobeying, prison, traitors, feeling trapped, losing, family, and more.  I circled family, knowing that it was common for prisoners to be unhappy with family and I could help with that.  The word losing really stood out to me though.

"What do you mean by losing?" I asked him.

Jason shrugged, his arms crossed.  "I just don't like losing.  Competitions, battles, things..."

"What about people?" I interrupted him, figuring there must be someone he cares about.

"People aren't really a concern for me."

"What about loved ones?  Friends?  Anyone you care about?" I questioned.

"I don't get attached, so I don't care for anyone but myself," he stated like it wasn't a problem.

I looked back down at his lists and saw nothing for happy.  "That explains why you didn't write anyone under happy.  Or anything really..." I trailed off, finding it sad.  I looked back up at him.  "That can't be true though, there must be something that makes you happy."

"You want me to write killing people?  That brings me some kind of joy."

I shook my head.  "There's no real thing that makes you happy?"

Jason sat there, thinking for a minute.  "Money?"

I sighed, accepting it though and writing it down for him.  "That works...anything else?"  I asked, but Jason just sat there.  "Anything that doesn't make you upset?  That you don't mind?" I tried rephrasing.

"Well...I don't mind coming here," he answered.

I tried to hide the smile that was tugging at my lips.  "That's good," I said, writing it down and biting my lip.

"Actually..." Jason sat up now.  "Now that I think about it, there is someone I'd like to put on that list."

I looked up at him once I finished.  "Who?"

Jason stared at me.  "You'd say it's inappropriate," he looked straight into my eyes.  My heart started to race and I gulped, knowing who that person was.

"I'd say that you probably have other people in mind as well then," I said.

"Then I would say that I don't.  Because I don't actually talk to a lot of people.  Not unless it's business or it's pointless little conversations."  I stared at Jason, doubting what he said, but also believing it.  It made me feel sad for him.  "There's a reason I've acted the way I have with...this person..."

I moved my eyes away, fluttering my eyes a bit as I set the pen and paper down.  "Um...thank you for your list, Jason.  We'll work on shrinking that unhappy list and expanding the happy one," I changed the topic back to the activity.

There was silence after.  I didn't look at Jason, but I could feel his eyes burning through my skull.  I knew he was still looking at me.

"Thanks, Doc," he finally broke the silence.  "Same  time tomorrow?" he asked.

I glanced at the clock and noticed our time was nearly up and nodded.  "Yeah, same time tomorrow," I answered, still not meeting his eyes.  Luckily, the door opened and Mack came to get Jason.  I just sat there as he did, hearing them walk away after the handcuffs were on.

I couldn't help but look at Jason as he walked out.  He looked back at me, causing my eyes widen as he caught me.  He chuckled, making me blush.  I took a deep, shaky breath and looked back down at his list.  I KEPT thinking about Jason and I's conversation and starred "therapy" under the happy list