Psycho

Day 12

I was led into a small but still sizeable room by a nurse for this group session, seeing a circle already formed with 4 other girls and Dr. Perkins.  He smiled at me, patting an empty chair next to him.  "Katie, welcome!"

I sighed, taking my seat and looking at the girls around me. I felt uncomfortable as they all stared at me, unsure what to do so I waved my hand.  "Hi."

"How about we go around the circle and introduce ourselves.  Name, age, and how long you were missing," Dr. Perkins suggested.

I turned to him.  "That's pushing for an introduction."

"Everyone is here for the same reason, I think saying how long you were gone is a simple way to start opening up without giving details," he explained, nodding towards me.  "So how about you start."

I gave an unamused look  before turning back to the group.  "Ok...I'm Katie, I'm 22, and I was...missing for about a month."

The group exchanged a few looks before the girl next to me went. "I'm Alex, I'm 18, and I was missing for a year."

"Um...I'm Monique, I'm 22, and I was missing for 6 months," the next introduced.

"I'm Gabrielle, I'm 20, and I was missing for a little over the year," she nodded.

"I'm Quinn, I'm 20, and I was missing for three years," she introduced.  My eyes widened in shock. Three years?  Even though I warmed up to Jason, the first week I was there I couldn't take it and nearly killed myself.  How did she survive for three years with someone who didn't spare her like Jason did to me?

I grew uncomfortable already, as I was gone the least amount of time as well as not actually being hurt by it.  Dr. Perkins continued on to the next part.  "Great, now how about we discuss just the general feeling of imprisonment, and what kept us going.  Would anyone like to start?"

The group was quiet for a minute before Quinn spoke up.  "Well, I'm sure everyone can agree that you feel...helpless.  Like there's nothing you can do, and it's the end of everything."

"Yeah, I remember feeling like there was no way out...sometimes even claustrophobic," Alex agreed.

Gabrielle spoke up now too.  "Especially near the end of it...I just felt like giving up."

"I remember feeling violated..." Monique added quietly.

I watched as all of the girls nodded in agreement, feeling left out.  Quinn looked at me though.  "What about you, new girl?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but I wasn't sure what to say.  I didn't share the same feelings as these girls, not past the first week at least.  "Uh...scared?" I attempted.

"That's it?" Quinn raised an eyebrow, sounding disappointed and even judgemental.

"I mean...I was confused too.  Like...why...did it happen...to me?" I said slowly, trying harder now just so they would all stop staring.

"I know what you mean.  I thought that all the time, especially when..." Alex trailed off, not finishing her sentence.

"Especially when what?" Dr. Perkins encouraged.

"When I was...punished..." she finished.  When it grew silent, Alex spoke up again.  "But what kept me going was just hoping I would get out.  That someone would find me."

"I thought about my parents, being back home with them," Gabrielle added.

"Me too," Monique agreed.  "I think that was really the only thing that kept me going...my family."

"I thought about my abductor," Quinn used the word I dreaded.  I guess it works in her case though, I mean she was gone for three years.  "I thought about getting away, and then what they would do to him once I did.  I would no longer be the one punished.  The nightmare would be over, and so would he..." she went in depth, zoning out as she spoke.

I raised my eyebrows, a bit fearful of her.  I think I know why she's in here.  The group once again looked towards me.  I guess we all had to take a turn.  I just shrugged though.  "I don't know," I said, wishing I had something better.

"Katie, you have to participate in order to help yourself," Dr. Perkins told me.

"But I don't know!  I...didn't really have anything," I replied honestly, feeling a bit offended he just thought I wasn't trying.

"How did you not have anything?  I know you weren't missing as long as the rest of us, but you were still imprisoned for a month," Alex questioned me.

"I-I didn't feel like I needed anything," I tried defending myself.

"Not even when you were being abused?" Monique asked.

I shook my head.  "I wasn't abused."

The girls all looked confused now, expecting that I was.  I guess I don't blame them, that's what I expected.  "Wait...are you that...doctor or something?" Quinn asked.

"Psychologist?" I raised an eyebrow.

She nodded.  "Yeah...yeah!  Guys, she's the one who like...loves her abductor or something.  The one all the nurses talk about...I think she even scared Mary..."

I gave a look of disgust.  The nurses around here talked about me?  Around other patients?  "Excuse me?" I stopped her, knowing she didn't have an idea what my situation was actually like.

Quinn looked at me.  "What?  That is you, isn't it?"

"Well, yeah but...you don't actually know what happened to me."

"I know that you're in denial."

I glared at her, wondering what made her feel so superior.  "I'm not in denial!  My "abductor", who has a name by the way-Jason-, only wanted to help me!  He cared about me, that's why he never punished, abused, or whatever you want to call it!"

Alex, Monique, and Gabrielle exchanged looks of shock as Quinn kept staring me down.  "You're denying it now!  No wonder you're here!"

"Okay, ladies..." Dr. Perkins tried intruding.

I stood up, pushing my chair back.  "I'm not like the rest of you!  I don't belong here!  Not in this group, and certainly not in this hospital!" I kept a stern tone, then walking away.

"Katie, you can't..."

Dr. Perkins didn't even get to finish before two nurses came to the door way and stopped me.  I glared at both of them.  "I just want to go back to the room."

They both looked towards Dr. Perkins, who luckily gave a nod and I was led back.  This was why I didn't want to go to the ridiculous group session.