Psycho

Day 13

I sat in near the window when I awoke the next day. The birds were chirping, the leaves were of a different color, and it was overall peaceful: I missed the peace.  My mind was racing though, as it always was since meeting Jason. There was so much to him, and I wanted to know more.

The door opened but my gaze remained forward. "Good morning," Jason greeted.

"Morning," I breathed out.

"I brought you your breakfast," he said.

I just nodded in response, but stayed put. There was a silence that fell over us, for a few minutes as well. Jason was over by my bed, and I was still looking out the window, with nothing to say. I heard his footsteps come closer until he stopped behind me.

"Can I ask you something?" I finally spoke up.

Jason hesitated but sighed, "Yes."

I thought about how I wanted to word this, not wanting to upset him. "You look outside, and the leaves are a different color; they've changed. They couldn't have done that without the weather though, which is also changing."

"So...that happens every year."

"So you agree they're changing quite often?" I questioned.

"Well, yeah."

"But it's not a bad thing, is it?  Just...different."

"Where is this going? Because if you're going to connect..."

"Let me finish!" I interrupted sternly, not wanting a fight. Jason huffed, but obeyed. "My point is...you say you can't be changed, but that's because you try so hard not to. You weren't always like this, someone changed you into this. And maybe it's time you let someone change you back..." I explained, trailing off and looking down. "You've been stuck in winter so long...aren't you ready for some warmth and new leaves?" I asked softly.

Jason was silent, most likely thinking now. I then heard him walk away, causing me to take a deep breath and admit defeat for this strategy. But then after a couple minutes there was another sound, and this one made me turn around. Jason was walking over with another chair, setting it beside me.

"I think this is a nice place to sit, better than the bed. And I'm sure we'll be sitting over here more often," he stated.   I just stared at him, wondering if this was a direct response to what I said. "I don't think you've realized this, especially because you haven't known me too long, but...I have changed. Not too much...but I have. Because of you."

I was surprised. Not only had he listened, but he admitted that he's changed, I just don't know how. He seemed to start changing back at the prison, but then there was breakout.

"I don't show it too often because I see it as a sign of weakness...but I...care. In some way, I care about..." Now he was starting to struggle.

"Me?" I finished.

Jason gulped, giving a simple nod. "And I don't usually care about other people. But somehow you've made it possible. You've changed me."

"But...I don't see how. I mean...you still act so distant and cold..."

"Because I don't know how to deal with it!" He cut me off. He paused before continuing. "This is all new to me, so I show that I care in different ways...more subtle ways...and then I tried to cover it up so you wouldn't know...but I see that didn't turn out too well."

I took a moment to think about what he was saying, how he cared. I thought about what he could've possibly done, then my eyes widens in realization. "You keep saying you took me here for a better life...you took me because you truly believed this life was better, you wanted me here because you care about me..."

Jason hesitantly agreed, "Yes."

"And when I harmed myself, you immediately took action and had me hospitalized, and even to this day continuing to make sure I'm eating and taking my medication."

Once again, Jason agreed. "Yes."

"And when you did hurt me, you didn't even want to go near me afterwards because...you felt bad. You didn't want it to happen again, so you stayed away."

Jason sighed. "Yes."

We sat there now, more silence. I always thought all of these actions were selfish somehow. Kidnapping me for his own enjoyment, the hospitalization because he wanted to be the one to torture me in his own twisted way, and staying away from me because he wanted me to just suffer before coming in for the kill. I now realize I've been changed as well, my thoughts have become twisted with this image of who I think Jason is supposed to be...but he's really none of those things.

I looked at Jason, now feeling bad I had made so many cruel assumptions when he was truly helping. I did something small, but still something I'd never thought I'd do: I hugged him.

Jason seemed taken back, but slowly and softly wrapped his arms around me as well. "I'm sorry," I apologized.

"You're sorry?" He questioned as I pulled away and sat back down. "But I hurt you...many times in different ways."

"Yes, but I also, in a way, probably...hurt you too. I made you out to be this...psycho...that you were only thinking of yourself and only wanted to hurt me...but that's not true. I realize now that that was never your intention," I explained.

"The things I did were still cruel. I kidnapped you, and I screamed at you, and I even hit you...I am a psycho to say the least," he admitted.

I sat there, looking down now. This has been the best conversation Jason and I have had...but what about the next time? What about the next day? I didn't want it to end. "Well then...how about this; both of us are changing, but let's let the change happen. Keep having conversations like this, being honest and open...and let whatever happens happen," I proposed.

Jason stared at me, unsure. "Katie...I'm still a most wanted criminal, I'm still a gang leader, and I still run a business of sorts. If I change...none of that goes away, I'll just...drown in this environment instead of dominating it," he explained, standing up. "It's too late," he finished simply before walking away and leaving.

I sighed, wishing I could deny what he said, but he was right. His environment was holding him back, and even if he did leave the gang life...he couldn't run away from his crimes. He'd be locked up for decades if not life, especially after breaking out. But even though Jason has given up, I haven't. I was determined to help him...I cared about him.

So...it's been a while. The only excuse I have is school, and that's pretty much what it will always be until summer, or at least my spring break but even then I'm not sure how my time will be. I'm sorry it's taken so long though, but I hope this chapter was good! I still have so many ideas for this story, so stick around if you want to read them! Also, I'm wondering after all this time of not updating, does my writing seem different? Or the style of it? It's been a while, so I'm just curious.

Luv ya!