Psycho

Day 10

I get little sleep that night, just replaying what happened between me and Jason over and over again in my mind. I'd seen him angry plenty of times, but this was different...he actually hurt me. I sat in my bed, staring down at my forearm that was now marked with a dark, purple bruise. I gently touched it with my hand, flinching at the pain that followed.

My head popped up at the sound of the door opening. I felt relief wave over me as it was only a worker, dropping off my breakfast. I walked over, grabbing my tray and taking it back to the bed. I sat there, picking up the slice of toast but stopping myself. Jason wasn't here to talk to me while I ate...

I shook my head, finding it ridiculous I wanted to see him after what he did. I'm capable of eating by myself, and I definitely don't need Jason to help me when he seems to throw a tantrum (and objects) when he gets upset. I huffed and took a bite.

Jason never showed up for breakfast, but I didn't mind. I was unsure why he didn't show up though, did it have to do with yesterday? I don't see why though. I waited until lunch so I could ask him about it, curiosity getting to me and not the fact I need him. I don't need him.

When lunch came around, another worker dropped off my tray. "Excuse me!" I called before they shut the door. They stood there, waiting for me to continue. "Do you know where Jason is?"
"Uh...no, I usually do not see him due to my job. I can find out for you though, do you want to see him?" He asked.

I hesitated, unsure if I wanted him here at all. I shook my head though, needing to speak with him. "Yes please."

The waiter gave a nod before leaving me to sit and wait. After an hour, I gave up and decided to eat my lunch. I don't know what happened, but obviously Jason wasn't showing up. When dinner rolled around, a different waiter walked in and I asked for the same thing, only to be left waiting for about an hour once again.

I was starting to get frustrated now, only wanting answers. Why was that always so hard to find here? I started banging on the door, knowing there were guards outside the door.

"May I please speak to Jason?" I tried asking politely once the door opened.

The guards glanced at each other before one spoke up. "Miss...Jason does not wish to visit you at the moment."

"At the moment? It's been all day and he usually comes him at some point! Now I need some answers from him,so I need to speak with him and I need to speak with him now!" I said sternly, resisting the urge to yell.

"I'm sorry, but he is not coming."

I turned around and took a deep breath, trying to remain calm and think of an alternative solution before facing them again. "Please tell Jason it is an emergency, and I must see him now or something bad could happen!" I threatened, but in a calming voice.

"Miss..."

"Do you remember what happened last time I was unhappy? What I did to myself? And how Jason reacted?" I reminded them, hoping this would work. They both nodded and shut the door, leaving me waiting again.

It took only a matter of minutes before the door opened, finally by Jason. "What's going on? You're not doing anything to hurt yourself, right?" He asked, his eyes moving around the room and landing on my tray still full of food. His eyes went wide. "Don't tell me you're starving yourself again, we've already talked..."

"I'm not starving myself!" I cut him off, silencing him. "I ate my other meals today, I've just been waiting for you to actually come and talk to me like you usually do. I have...quite a few questions," I explained, knowing he knew what I meant.

"I...you...you can't do that!" He yelled to my surprise. "You can't say you're going to kill yourself just to get me here! I have other things and business I need to do, you can't pull something like that!"

"I wouldn't have to if you just came in the first place, or at least have someone tell me why you're not!" I said, keeping my calm.

"I don't have to if I don't want to! I don't need to come in to talk to you everyday!"

I glared at him, walking towards him. "You are my only real source of socialization, and after everything else you've taken from me I think I at LEAST deserve that!" My voice raised in more of a scolding tone. Jason stared down at me, no words forming. We were close now, so I took a step back and looked down. I took a breath and pushed some hair behind my ear.

"You just wanted to talk to me?" He asked in a low voice.

I took a moment to think of a good response. "Well...mostly to ask you questions."

"You seem very eager to ask those questions," he pointed out, stepping towards me and making me look up at him.

"And you seemed very eager to rush to the room once you thought I would hurt myself," I turned the tables on him, wiping the smug smile off his face. I grinned, walking past him. "Why is that? Why do you care if I live or not? I'm only you're prisoner," I continued, turning around and stopping. Jason's back was facing me now.

"I don't like when you use that word," he said, ignoring my questions but turning around.

"What are word is there to use? Do you prefer hostage? Inmate?"

"How about guest?" he suggested.

I almost wanted to laugh at the fact he saw me as a guest. "Guests aren't held somewhere against their will, or confined to a single living area, or treated in a way that they would hurt themselves or be hurt by others." Jason stood there, silent but not surprised. He knew this was coming. "Why did you hurt me?" I asked softly.

Jason looked down now. "I didn't mean to."

"Your aim would say differently...it was pretty dead on," I held my arm up to show him exactly what his action did to me.

He stared, now a shocked look on his face. "I...I..." he stuttered, an apologetic look on his face. "It's just a bruise, you'll be fine," he shook his head and looked back down.

I furrowed my eyebrows, wondering why he backed down from the apology. I know he was going to apologize, but then I remembered what I had learned from him before this mess. "The point isn't how bad you hurt me, it's that you did...don't you see why I...people are afraid of you?"

"I want people to fear me! It gives me power!"

"Not the kind of power you want! Don't you want power because people respect you?"

"They do!"

"Only because you force them to!" I raised my voice. I walked closer to him, not wanting to fight but for him just to hear me. "Don't you want respect, and kindness, and to actually have relationships with people? Acquaintances, friends, even people close enough to call family!"

Jason looked up, glaring. "You're not my psychologist anymore...I don't need this from you!"

It hurt to be reminded that I no longer had my job. I worked so hard for it, and I loved it...but it's gone. "It's not just a job...it's who I am."

"Well this is who I am!" He screamed at me, his face close to mine as he did.

I stood there, staring straight at him. "I don't want to be afraid of you..."

Jason's face softened. "What?"

"You've kidnapped me, screamed at me, hurt me...but I don't want to be afraid of you. I don't know why...but...I just...I don't know..." I tried explaining, but I could put words to my feelings.

"I'm not letting you go," he told me like he always does.

I took a moment to respond, hoping I wouldn't regret what I say. "Then let me in."

It was now completely silent, Jason staring down at me with only inches between us. For a moment I though he was going to kiss me, but instead he walked past me and out the door. I was left standing there in the middle of the room, left with more questions than answers like usual.