Save Me from Myself

Chapter 11

*Nothing too gory, but i would still advise caution when reading this chapter.*
Esme's POV
"Esme. Esme, get up. C'mon, we have to hurry." Cali whispered, shaking me rapidly.

"Cal? Oh my god, go to sleep. Its like 4 am." I groaned.

"Get up!!"

I groaned even louder, but I got up. She smiled and grabbed my arm. She walked to our door, and took out a hairpin and unlocked it. We ran out, and hid near the cafeteria when we heard footsteps.

"What are we doing Cali?!?!" I exclaimed. She put her hand over my mouth, and then made me run again. She ran to the closest windowand, and picked that open too.

She turned to me before opening the window. "I haven't seen the stars while outside in so long. C'mon. " and she walked through the window and onto the ledge. I sighed, shook my head, and followed.

It was a little cold, but I loved it. When we got onto the roof, i just laid down and looked at the sky.

We were completely silent, and the only sound that i could hear was crickets chirping and dogs howling in the distance.

"Esme?"

"Yeah?"

"I've forgotten what ice cream tastes like." Cali sighed, sadly.

I looked at her with a little bit if pity. "How about i describe it?" I asked. She sat up a little and nodded.

"Well, my favorite is mint chocolate chip. Its like a creamy, minty dream. When you eat it, you get a little cold, but its so worth it. It tastes like heaven. It tastes like cold, fresh whipped cream with a sprinkle of mint, and then little cubes of chocolate. And when you get a brain freeze, you get a little chill through your whole body and your head feels like you hit it against a brick walk. Other than the brain freeze, its amazing." I heard my stomach growl a little, and i groaned. Now i wanted ice cream.

Cali grinned for the first time ever when i finished. "If i ever get out of here, I'm going to the first ice cream shop i see and just eating until i gain 10 pounds," she said, laughing and laying back down.

I did the same, and it was silent again. I heard Cali whimper a little, and i looked next to me and saw her trying go hide her tears.

"I'm so fucked up. I... I don't even know who i am anymore. I just want out of this living hell. " she cried. I huddled next to her and hugged her shoulders.

"Wanna know why I'm here, Esme?" She asked.

"I already know. A suicide attempt." I answered.

She shivered at that word a little, but she shook her head. "Yes and no, that's only one of the reasons. I'll show you the rest." She lifted her shirt over her head, and i flinched at what i saw.

"Oh god Cali." I whispered, with tears in my eyes. She put her shirt next to her and covered her stomach. "Cali..." I started, but then I stopped.

"I can never go to a gym, or jog in a sports bra ever again. I can't wear anything see through. I can't wear a bikini. The second i touch water, my skin feels like its bleeding out again. I feel like I'm on fire every single second of the day. You said you don't regret attempting suicide? Well, I don't regret it either. I regret failing, because now my life is worse than before." She said, holding her stomach, and trying to avoid talking about what she was covering.

I nodded. I know my life isn't nearly as bad as hers, but i still understand. "Hey Cali? Can you explain them to me?" I asked, pointing at her stomach and hips.

She sighed, "which ones?"

"All of them."

"That's gonna take a while. I'll explain a few today, then a few tomorrow and so on. But be warned, I'm extremely emotional when it comes to... you know." She said, and i nodded.

"This one above my belly button, its a song quote. 'From the lights to the pavement. From the van to the floor. From backstage to the doctor. From earth to the morgue.' Its called Desert song. I..carved, i guess you would say, when my mom told me to kill myself for the first time." She paused and took a deep breathe, "This one on my hip, i don't know how to explain it. I was really high on some weird meds, and i just grabbed the sharpest knife i could find. There's really no words, it was just me taking my anger out. The words all over are pretty much self explanatory, but i did those the night of my attempt. They are the deepest, and they're the most painful." She ran her hands over the word worthless and i shivered a little. "I can't say anymore today." She whispered.

I nodded and patted her hand. She looked at all the trees, and i couldn't imagine what she was thinking. What she was going through. She stood up and walked towards the edge of the roof.

"Cali? What----" i started, but she shushed me.

I got up and stood next to her. She was looking down at the ground, and shaking a lot. "Cali, sit down. Please." I pleaded.

She looked at me with a mixture of pain and anger in her eyes, and she whispered, "Someday, you won't be around to stop me." And she walked back into the hospital. I stood out there for a minute, trying to understand what had just happened. Then, i followed her back to our room, completely silent. There was nothing that i could say to make her feel better, and i knew it.

I laid in my bed as she locked the door, and i tried to sleep. I couldn't. The only thing i could do was remember what she said, "Someday, you won't be around to stop me."

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Such a happy chapter (not), but its happier than i planned! I just got surgery, and I'm extremely unhappy because i have a fear of needles and the doctor decided to stab my foot with a needle before the numbing stuff kicked in so Aghhhh. Whatever. Hope you enjoyed the chapter! Stay tuned, I might be updating sooner than later. Love ya, and thank you!
♡♡Christal