Cali's POV
"The difference between you and me is when you wake up, your nightmare ends."
Humans suck, just so you know. They're mean, arrogant, condescending, and most of them lie about every single little thing. They cause others pain because they're so empty inside. At least I have the decency to take my pain out on myself. They trample all over the weak ones and ruin their self esteem. Why? Because that's what they do. However, sometimes, you meet someone that is completely different. They treat you like a human, not a doormat. They take care of you and try to make sure that you're happy. These people are almost impossible to find, but I guess I'm extremely lucky, because I've found two of them. Joey and Layla.
Or maybe these people are the ones that were trampled on. The ones that were bullied. The ones that used all their strength to not return the abuse. The ones that went to hell and back. The ones who lost their strength along the way, but they still give you strength to finish the day.
I've always wondered which person I am. The bully, or the bullied. I like to think that I'm the bullied, the kind one. The one that is always there for you. Sadly, I don't think that's the case. I think that I'm a mixture of both. I've never been the nicest person. Sometimes I go too far. When I get mad, I loose my filter completely. I don't think that a bad temper makes you a bad person though. Well... maybe.
The thing is, I'm my own bully. I've screwed myself up more than some bully ever could. That's unnatural. Why do I do this to myself? Sometimes i lie awake at night thinking about how things could've been if i just ignored my mom that night. I could've. I could've just ignored her, and i could be happy right now. I could be with my sister in a foster home, while my mother is in jail for child abuse. I could have a normal life.
I wish i could undo that night. Better yet, i wish that my mother hadn't gotten pregnant in the first place. Stop the problem before it starts. With the life I've had, i wouldn't mind never being born.
I'm trying to think more positively though. My psychologist says that if i keep on thinking negatively, there's going to be a big problem.
My depression is getting worse. So is my bulimia. I haven't gotten up in 6 days. I just stay in my room under the safety of my covers. The problem with that is now, I'm completely alone with my thoughts.
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Not a very action filled chapter, but i hope it was okay. Thanks for reading!
♡♡Christal
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Save Me from Myself
Genç KurguIt wasn't fate, it was me. It was my decision to do it. No one will ever understand why I did what I did, but I do. That's all that matters to me This time it wasn't out of pity for myself and my shitty life. It was out of pure sorrow. The loss of a...
