Save Me from Myself

Chapter 19

Cali's POV

"Cali. Wake up." Someone said, shaking me a little. It was Michael. I looked at the clock, and it was 4 am.

"Do you know how often I get to sleep?? Like never, you fuckface." I groaned. Waking me up is not a good idea. Ever. "Wait. How did you get into my room...?" I asked.

"Oh sorry about that. I must seem really creepy.. I picked the lock." He answered. Does everyone in this place know how to pick a lock??

"Well what do you want?"

"I want you to come with me." He said, smirking. Stop smirking you douchebag... its too goddamn attractive.

"If you think I'm getting up, you're high." I groaned again.

"Fine then. As you wish." And he picked me up bridal style.

I squirmed in his arms, but he wouldn't put me down. "Not what I meant!!!" He smirked again.

"Deal with it."

"Douchebag..." I murmured.

"I know."

He carried me to the window leading to the roof and I jumped out of his arms and out into the dark. I laid on the roof and he laid next to me.

We laid in silence, until he asked, "What's your suicide story?"

I grimaced a little, "Why do you need to know?"

"Because I'm very curious about you."

I sighed. "It's sort of gruesome.."

"That's okay. I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours."

"Well.. Don't look at me with pity if I tell you. I fucking hate that... When I was 6, my Dad died from a stroke, and my life took a turn for the worst. My dad's death made my mother go crazy. She would beat me, and she completely ignored my 2 year old sister Addison. I didn't know what to do, so I cared for Addison and took the beatings so shewas wouldn't have to. It was like that for a long time, and then I got my mom to see a doctor. She was better and the beatings stopped. However, she would scream terrible things to me, like how she wished I had died instead of my dad. I took antidepressants that I found, but that didn't work for very long. My mom would threaten to kill me and Addison if I said anything to the police, so there was nothing I could do. Then, things got really bad. My mom would throw heavy things at me, and it was all too much for me. I was 14. I started hurting myself, hoping that it would maybe hurt more than my heart already did. I cleaned my own blood off of the bathroom floor daily. I stopped eating too. I thought that if i was skinny and beautiful, my mom might be proud of me. Maybe she would stop screaming those things at me. Maybe she would stop hurting me. When she didn't, i decided i wasn't skinny enough yet. I would tell myself I would eat in a couple of days. That day never came. One day, my mom was her worst rampage. She was screaming things like 'I WISH I HAD KILLED YOU WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE' and 'YOU'RE SUCH A WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT, JUST DIE ALREADY.' Addison was under the bed, crying her poor little eyes out... I was so scared and so lost and sad... I said'MAYBE I WILL. THEN MAYBE I WON'T BE SUCH A DISAPPOINTMENT' Then, I ran into the bathroom and I carved the words: "Disappointment" "Worthless" "Fat" "Help me" "I'm sorry" and "Goodbye" into my skin. There was blood everywhere, and i grabbed a look bottle, and i shoved as many as i could down my thought. Then i got really scared and i thought about what she would do to Addison if i wasn't there. I tried to throw them up, but it didn't work. I dialer on my phone and told them what was going on, as i sobbed my eyes out. My vision began to blur, and I was so scared that i could barely breathe. Then, my vision went completely black. I woke up in the hospital a few days later, even though i would've died." I said, and i looked at the floor and wiped my eyes a little.

He said nothing, but a few minutes after i finished, ne hugged me tightly. I was surprised so i jumped a little. He didn't let go, and i heard him whimper very quietly... He was crying..

"But... But I'm okay so don't cry please.."

"Sorry.." he mumbled, trying to go back to normal. "I... I don't know what to say."

I nodded, "Yeah. That happens a lot. You don't have to say anything. "

He looked at me, and his eyes were still a little glossy but he had stopped crying. " My turn." He said. He took a deep breath.

"Please don't judge me okay.. I know i dont act like it but I'm insanely sensitive and i made a hugs mistake." I nodded and he continued. "A few months ago, i was a popular football player. I had a girlfriend named Mai. We were the perfect stereotypical couple. The jock and the cheerleader. Then, i cheated on her with her best friend, Lauren when we got into a fight... I don't know what happened, i would never do something like that. But i did. Lauren got pregnant, and it was mine..." he paused for a second and looked down, shamefully. "Mai found out and she broke up with me. She was the love of my life... I was such an idiot.. Anyways, my parents found out and they pretty much disowned me and told me they wanted nothing to do with the baby, since Lauren decided to keep it. Mai and My family hated me, and Lauren wouldn't talk to me. None of my friends would talk to me, and people made fun of me and said really gross things to me. Soon it got to me, and I took a bunch of pills, hoping it would kill me. My older brother Johnny found me passed out, and he took me to the hospital. My dad decided I needed to go to a mental hospital and let them help me. And here we are."

"We all make mistakes." I said. His story didn't phase me, but it was a little shocking.

He nodded, "I just wish i could undo that night. Say sorry to Mai instead of fucking her friend. Then i wouldn't be in a hospital full of fuck ups." When he said that, all i could think was Yep, You're definitely a jock... and i couldn't help but be pissed off.

"Excuse me? We're NOT fuck ups. We're mentally unhealthy. I'm sorry that you, a popular dick, have to deal with us freaks." I said, angrily.

"Cali. You maimed yourself to shreds and then tried to kill yourself. You're a fuck up."

I started shaking with anger, "DON'T TELL ME SOMETHING I ALREADY KNOW. I KNOW I'M A FUCK UP. YOU CAN SAY THAT. BUT THESE 'FUCK UPS' ARE MY FRIENDS. THEY ARE PERFECT AND BEAUTIFUL AND I WOULD KILL FOR THEM. DON'T YOU DARE SAY ANYTHING LIKE THAT ABOUT THEM, YOU FUCKING SLUT" I couldn't stop myself from saying that last part. He glared at me with fire in his eyes.

"I'm. Not. A. Slut." He hissed. I snorted a little and whispered, "Bullshit."

It happened so fast, i couldn't react. He swung his fist, and it collided with my face. Hard. My nose started bleeding, and i could feel a panic attack coming. I looked at him, shocked, and he said, "oh... oh god I'm sorry.. i don't know..." but i didn't let him finish. I slapped him as hard as i could and ran inside. He was a little phased, but he said, "Cali I'm so sorry.." and followed me out the window. I was running too fast and he couldn't catch up. I ran straight to my room and locked the door. When he came knocking, trying to open the door, i held onto the lock so he couldn't pick it. After a long time, he went back to his own room, and i sat on the floor. I rocked myself back and forth, crying and barely breathing.

When he hit me, i saw my mom hitting me when i was younger, and i couldn't help but have a panic attack. Then, when i could finally breathe again, i stayed on the floor and held my knees to my chest. I was so shocked i couldn't move, so i just stayed on my floor as i drifted off to sleep.

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Picture above is Cali crying in her room. Such a long and sad chapter... sorry... *just so you guys know, I would never think of anyone like that as a fuck up, its just how the character is. You aren't a fuck up. No one is a fuck up. Also, some jocks are really nice, i was just dying the stereotypical example, and i hope i didn't offend you. If i did, i sincerely apologize* I'll update when i can. Thanks for reading, cuties!
♡♡Christal