Save Me from Myself

Chapter 22

Layla's POV

I act completely normal. I pretend everything is fine. I've always wanted to be a normal girl. Normal girls try out for cheerleading, go to football games, get boyfriends or girlfriends, paint their nails and be girly, etc. I don't do that stuff. I never have. Why? Because I'm not normal. I never have been, and I never will be.

What is schizophrenia? Hell. Schizophrenia means that you have voices in your head telling you how to do things and what to do. I'm never left alone. Ever. They're always talking... Sometimes they tell me to hurt people or myself, and they won't stop. The pills stopped working a few months ago and I've been in complete hell.

People think I'm crazy. A lunatic. But the truth is, I'm not. I'm just a schizophrenic. There's nothing I can do about it.

When I lived with my family, I was treated like a freak. Or a liar. People thought that I made up the voices in my head that told me to break vases or hit people. Sadly, I listened to the voices. I was bullied every single day. I was the violent freak that would randomly break things and punch people. Even my teachers were afraid of me. My mom and brother were afraid of me. My dad sexually abused me. I guess he thought that i was too fucked up to mind being his sex doll. I had no friends. The only friends I had were the ones in my mind, and they were never very nice.

When I got to the asylum, I met Joey and Cali. They saved me. I became more friendly (and flirty, which I regret. Now people think I'm a slut) and I learned what it was like to have friends. Unfortunately, sometimes the voices get to me. I listen to them... Having to listen to very negative and mean people every single second of the day is hell. They tell me to hurt people, or say hurtful things, and I can't stop it. It just overwhelms me. I rarely sleep, they keep me awake. Perfect life, right?

((Italics are the voices))

Layla...Wake up Layla...Get up...
What is it this time? I really want to sleep.
Layla you need to take care of something.
Layla. Its time.
Layla you need to wake up.
Get up right now.
One voice at a time please. I'm too tired to have more than one conversation at once. So what do I need to take care of?
You need to go outside. Go to the window you and Cali sneak out of. Jump when you get the edge of the roof.
Jump.
Jump.
Jump.
Jump.
Jump.
No. No. No. Stop it. I'm not going to jump. Go away, I'm trying to sleep.
Jump.
Jump.
Jump.
Jump.
Jump.

I got out of bed and sighed loudly, "I'M NOT GONNA JUMP!" I yelled. One of the nurses came to my room and told me to be quiet.

I sat back down on my bed, and my head was spinning. Not enough sleep. I laid back down and sighed again.

Jump.
Jump.
Jump.
Jump.
Jump.
I told you guys no. Now let me go back to sleep.
If you jump, you'll get to sleep forever.
True. But I don't want to die tonight. And if I die, so do you, so shut your mouth and let me sleep.
We never die.
You die temporarily sometimes.
Only when you're on those drugs.
Yeah, I know. But I hate those drugs. They make me feel crazy.
You are crazy. You always have been.
Whatever...

I decided that there was no way that i was falling asleep, so I got out my journal and started to write. I wrote down everything the voices said today, just so I would remember, and I laid back down, hoping to get a few hours of sleep.

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I have been waiting for so long to write a chapter in Layla's POV!!!! I hope you enjoyed the short chapter. I'll update asap. Thank you for reading!!
♡♡Christal