Cali's POV
"Sometimes the person who tries to keep everyone happy is the most lonely inside."
Wipe away the tears.
Put a smile on your face.
Take a deep breathe.
Pretend everything is okay.
Repeat.
Because of everything that has happened in my life, I never expect happiness. I never look at the optimistic side of things. For example, I might to get to see my sister. But what if she forgot about me? What if she moved away? What if she's like my mom? What if my mom hurt her the way she hurt me? What if I wasn't there to protect her?
You would think that the possibility of seeing Addison would make me jump with joy. Well, it did at first, but now I realize it's not the best idea. There's too many bad things that could've happened.
Shaking.
Sobbing.
Gasping for air.
Tears blur my vision.
Oh god... what happened to me? Why did I let the depression take control? What happened to the sweet girl I used to be? Now I'm just a mess. Laying in my own tears, wanting to die.
I remember one day, back when my dad was alive, we went on a road trip. I was singing songs and making bad jokes while my dad drove the car and my mom was reading a book. My dad would sing all the songs with me while my mom would smile and shake her head. We went to the beach and stayed there all day. We ate smores and watched the sunset. A grin was plastered on my face all day. When we had to leave, I just went back to singing and making jokes. I was 6 when that happened. My dad died 2 months later.
That is the last genuinely happy memory I have.
When I think of leaving the asylum tomorrow, I can't control my emotions. Am I scared or excited? Am I happy or sad? I wish I knew. I'm definitely scared, that I know.
Isn't it wonderful? Even when I should be happy, all I can feel is pain. I have lost all ability to feel happiness. And that scares the living shit out of me.
-------------
Weird chapter. Kind of confusing. The two bolded paragraphs are just things going through her head, I know that wasn't very clear. I hope you enjoyed the short chapter, thank you for reading!
♡♡Christal
YOU ARE READING
Save Me from Myself
Teen FictionIt wasn't fate, it was me. It was my decision to do it. No one will ever understand why I did what I did, but I do. That's all that matters to me This time it wasn't out of pity for myself and my shitty life. It was out of pure sorrow. The loss of a...
