Save Me from Myself

Chapter 60

Esme's POV

Have you ever had someone hurt you so much that you knew you would never feel any pain ever again? That's how I felt.

And then I lost Bailey.

I didn't want kids in the first place, but I was actually getting used to the idea of having kids. 2 kids. Not one. I might've not liked the idea of having them, but they're still my kids. And now I only have my boy. That's not okay. Bailey was taken from me before she was even alive.

"Esme? C'mon you haven't gotten out of bed since the funeral. You need to get some food and keep Joey Jr. healthy." Joey said, sitting on the edge of my bed.

"Joey Jr?" I groaned.

He chuckled, "Well, you won't tell me what you're gonna name him so now I'm just-----"

"Joey please go away." I cried into my awful pillow.

He sighed sadly, laid next to me, and hugged me. "God I'm so sorry Esme. I'm so sorry." He whispered.

I hugged him and held on tightly. I cried into his shirt and ne kept on apologizing to me. There was nothing he could do to make it better though. And we both knew it.

After what felt like hours, Joey picked me up bridal style and carried the to the dining hall. "No I don't want to be out. Please take me back to my room. I'll come out later, I promise I will this time." I grumbled sleepily.

He smiled sadly, "No you won't. Don't lie to me."

Layla approached us cautiously. "Hey guys, how are you?" She asked.

"Layla, can we talk for a sec please?" Joey asked her, glancing at me. She nodded nervously and they walked off. I sat there alone, wanting to go back to my room, but I couldn't find the strength to get up.

"Is this seat taken?" Some girl asked me. Weird. No one talks to us. She must be no. I shook my head and she smiled, "Thank god. I didn't want to be rejected by yet another table. I'm Lana."

"Esme." I answered simply.

"Oh that's such a pretty name. Why are you here? I'm kinda new, I don't really know how this place works." She said, trying to start a conversation.

I sighed and chose to be nice, "Suicide attempt the first time. Now I'm here for substance abuse."

She gasped, "Wait you tried to kill yourself? That's awful! Its a sin!"

Really. I never woulda guessed. Adios kindness. "Yes I did. And if you're gonna lecture me about God i recommend you shut your mouth about how he saved me and how he has plan for me. Yeah, he does. He let me get raped, then I got pregnant with twins, and then he took one of them from me, so I really don't want to hear that shit."

She looked hurt and she mumbled, "God are all psychos this mean..."

Yeah. Most of us. Normal people don't understand what real pain is, they don't understand what its like to have your humanity ripped out of you. They don't understand how lucky they are to be able to live their lives normal, and they take it for granted. I rolled my eyes at her arrogant comment and Joey and Layla finally came back.

"Hey, you made a friend Esme!" Joey exclaimed excitedly.

Lana shook her head, "Nope, I don't need anymore hateful bitches in my life, I got enough of em already." And she walked away.

"You really do have a way with people." Layla murmured.

"Fuck off."

"Hey watch your mouth, hun." She answered aggressively. Joey held her back.

"Layla, remember, you control them, they don't control you. Don't let them win." Joey whispered to her.

I sighed, "No, let her do what she wants. My life's shit anyway." I said, and I got up and walked back to my room.

I just wanted to be alone. I didn't want to see anyone. I didn't want to talk to anyone and I sure as hell didn't want to fight with anyone. Especially my friends. I already lost them once, I don't want to lose them again. Ever. That wasn't an option.

While I was sitting in my room, alone and trying to cool off, I decided on my baby's name. And no, it's not Joey jr. I named Bailey's middle name after Cali and look where that got her. The name I chose is perfect. But I wish, despite everything that I said, that I was going to give birth to two babies. Not one. I can't change what happened, no one can.

We can only wish that we could.
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Thanks for reading! I'll update again as soon as humanly possible :-) Vote and comment if you want, I love reading your comments. Thanks again!
♡♡Christal