Dear No One (Bon x Rin)

46. Growth in Pain

A/N: I just realized that I have 2 chapters titled Panic. Oh well. Oh and there are only 3 chapters left in this story. I hope you guys have enjoyed so far.
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The files of his four favorite students lay sprawled across his desk.

Name:Ryuji Suguro
Age: 22
Major: Chemistry
GPA: 4.0
Notes: Attending on football scholarship. 2 assault charges in year 2015

Yukio Okumura
Age: 21
Major: Mathematics
GPA: 5.6
Notes: Attending on academic scholarship. Suffers from bipolar anxiety disorder and schizophrenia.

Rin Okumura
Age: 21
Major: Business Marketing
GPA: 2.6

Name: Renzou Shima
Age: 23
Major: Mathematics
GPA: 3.7
Notes: Arrested for 24 counts of murder in the year 2015. History of gang violence and theft from 2006-2010. Attending on academic scholarship.

Mephisto was intrigued beyond his wits. Four students, two of each from different backgrounds. Somehow, their lives intertwined and they became one on a fast slope to failure.

"Wired lives are quite difficult to cut."

He looked over at Yukio who was sitting across from his desk in confusion. "What are you talking about?" the young twin asked. Mephisto smiled, waving it off and leaning his elbows against his desk.

"You want to disappear. Why is that, Yukio?"

He knew the answer already, but he took great pleasure in watching these things play out.

"You're gonna pretend that you don't know already?" Yukio's eyes narrowed behind his glasses. He didn't have the patience to deal with Mephisto at the moment and every second that he wasted his time there had begun to annoy him.

"Sharp as a tac as always, Okumura-kun." Mephisto reached into his desk drawer, handing Yukio a passport, and I.D, and a birth certificate.

The picture was his, but name on them was Shizu Kaname.

"Everything has been taken care of and Kinzo has already made sure that money was in the account. Be careful, dear boy, and make sure you take care of yourself."

Yukio grabbed the papers and put this into a folder, sliding it into his backpack and grabbing his suitcase.

"Do me a favor...and keep an eye on Rin for me. Make sure Renzou doesn't find out about this."

Yukio quickly shuffled his way out of Mephisto's office, probably headed towards the train station.

#

It was silent when Bon walked through his front door, sliding past Rin. Neither of them broke eye contact, nor had they dared to speak.

Rin shut the door behind him, walking towards him until they were mere inches apart. He didn't want to get too close, risking another swing from his fiancee.

"...where are the kids?"

"Sleeping. They haven't slept all night."

The bags under Rin's eyes proved that to be truth. However, Bon was hoping that they would be asleep. That way he and Rin could talk without much disturbance.

"I know that I freaked out. I threatened you...called you every name except the one that your mother gave you and I was wrong. For that, I'm sorry. I'm not sorry for the way that I feel, though." Bon began.

Rin held his breath unintentionally. This sounded like it would end badly.

"I have given everything that I could possibly give you. My entire life changed the moment that I met you. In fact I have never been so tired in my entire life. If I'm honest I wish that I'd never gone through most of those experiences."

This was going to end badly. Bon was going to leave him forever...and Rin was gonna be a single father, heartbroken and alone.

"You've been through a lot of shit and I get that. People sympathize that and I understand why. What I don't understand is how much my feelings become disregarded. It's like the things I've had to endure on this journey with you means nothing even though the scars are so visible..."

Rin started to tremble a bit. He realized that Bon was right. He was being selfish and hadn't even realized it.

"We've equally been through our fair share of shit here. I feel like you break down every single time and even though I'm hurting too, I have to pretend I'm okay so that I can carry the both us. Even then, I can never seem to please you for long. I always seem to be doing everything wrong. It's never good enough..."

Had he felt this way the entire time?

"Ryuji--"

"Let me finish, Rin."

Rin snapped his mouth shut and cast his gaze to the floor, allowing Bon to finish.

"I stayed because I can't live without you."

Rin looked Bon in the eyes once more.

"Did you hear me, Rin? I can't live my life without you in it. So whatever happens, I'll take the L if it means I can always be with you."

Rin held a hand to his chest, his heart racing. "I'm so sorry I made you feel that way." he whispered. Bon gave him a tiny smile--something that Rin wasn't expecting.

"I'm sorry for acting like such a dick and being inconsiderate of you and the kids. I'm a man, dammit. It's my job to carry my family, not to walk around bitching and griping." The look in Bon's eyes was one of determination. It put a smile on Rin's face, maybe the biggest smile he'd ever smiled in his life.

"God, I love you."

"Does that mean that I can come home?"

"Yes, God yes."

Bon wrapped his arms around Rin in a warm enbrace, kissing his lips and nuzzling into his neck. Rin was the first to pull away, yawning into Bon's chest.

"Can we go to sleep now?"

#

Shima sat in the prison yard with Azreal, remembering the visit that he had gotten from his best friend earlier that day.

Shima put on a cheerful smile, genuinely happy to see his friend. He told Bon how bored he often got, but that the hardest part of his sentence was not being able to see his family like he wanted. He spoke about how much he missed Yukio and Rin, too.

Bon didn't smile or speak, he just said there trembling.

Shima knew that he was upset about his being there. Bon was smart--really smart. Smart enough to know that Shima could have avoided being here. Instead, he walked into the police station and confessed.

"Do you think that this is a game?! You being in this dump ruined lives! Don't you care?! Why?!"

Why. That was the big question here.

"What are you thinking about?"

Shima's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Azreal next to him. He shrugged instead of answering.

"The mission was to get close to the Okumuras and snuff out the Grigory. You completed the mission. The fact that affection got involved was your own fault."

Shima's eyes narrowed at Azreal, but he offered no response.

After all, the only reason that he was here...was to kill Azreal.