Survivor { R5 fanfiction}

Chapter 35

If you could read the author's note at the end it'd be great : )
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RIKER

I park the car in the barn, after a 4th day of searches, which ends up being as unsuccessful as the last 3 ones. I glance quickly at everyone in the car, before we go out. They all have the same emotions legible on their faces. Aggrivied. Sad. And a lot more, that aren't good neither.

Everyone leave the barn and make for the house slowly, in this awkward silence, the same one that come back after each day without any results.

The despair can be felt as soon as we come back home, alone, without Ross. We could give up anytime, but we resist, even if it's hard. Especially for me. I think I miss him more than the others, or it may just be an impression.

It's been harder to cope lately. I'm the oldest, and they all look up to me. I'm the one who's supposed to know everything, what to do and when. I think that if I give up, everyone will. And it'll be over.

But I hold on, despite the pressure and anxiety that overwhelmes my body all the time, every day since Ross left. I can't stop thinking about him, if he's okay, safe. Which cause me to barely sleep. I think all the time.

I close my eyes tight and wince, holding my head with one hand, as this bloody headache that I've been stuck with for days resurfaces. Rydel glances at me with a concern look, but I quickly look away. I don't want her to worry more. All that matters is Ross. He is our main problem.

I'm not.

I can't help but sigh in relief as I come inside. Tiredness finally got the upper hand, and this sudden headache make it worse. I don't even have the strenght to go get a medicine for it. I just want to lay down on my bed and sleep. That's all I want. If I sleep, I may stop thinking about him.

I slowly make for the staircase, but as I put my feet on the first stair, I feel a hand in my forearm. I lazily look up, and my eyes meet Ryland.

"We still need you here, don't you remember? We said in the car we were going to see where we can go search next."

No Ryland I don't remember. I was busy thinking about my little brother and driving you at home safe. I failed protecting Ross, but at least I can try to protect you.

Yes, that's what I'm thinking in my head. And no, I don't tell him. I just send him an aggrivied look, hoping he'll understand I don't want to come.

"Please Riker..." I can see how much he's begging for me to stay. They need me.

Once again.

I sigh, and follow my little brother in the living room after he gave me a huge smile. If I only need to do this to make him happy...

The girls are already here talking, a map unfold on the table. There's some stripes on it, and places encircled. Depends if we went there already or not. Ryland places himself besides them.

"Good you're finally here." Rydel smiles at me. I just collapse on the closest chair, which happens to be at the opposite of them. It probably surprised my sister that I didn't answer, because a small frown appears on her face. It quickly disappears though, as she looks down at the map.

"So guys, we went here today, and nothing. It's okay though. There's still a lot of places where Ross could be, we should..."

I stopped listening after she pronounced Ross' name. A new wave of pain crosses my head.

It's so silent now. I can't hear the others. It seems everything has stopped around me. Not a sound. Not a move. Only my heart pounding hard into my chest, like it wanted to go out of my rib cage, and the sound of the deep breaths I'm taking to calm myself down.