Fiendish

Chapter 48

I found God, I found him in a lover. When his hair falls in his face and his hands so cold they shake.

-Halsey, Coming Down

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Carmen's Pov.

"Because I love you, Harry!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. "The reason that I will complicate things is because I love you and you don't need this right now. You don't need any of this right now, you don't need me right now. I'll only cause problems and get in the way because I love you. And I'm calling...whatever we are off because I love you, you idiot!"

I stood there with tears falling in a steady streams down my face. My face was flushed and my head was pounding.

I watched as Harry stared at me. His eyes were wide, but closed off. I couldn't read what emotions were churning in his mossy green gaze and that, even though it shouldn't, broke my heart. His lips were slightly parted like he was going to say something, but nothing came out.

"I don't expect you to feel the same." I said as Harry continued to stare at me. I tried to stop crying and control my voice. I didn't want Harry to know that his silence was hurting me, but I think it was a little to late for that. "Don't you see? You don't need any of this right now and you can't tell me that I did not just complicate things by tell you this."

Still, Harry didn't say anything. His hands were slightly shaking at his sides and his jaw ticked. I should have been happy and relieved at Harry's silence. I wanted him to understand why I was saying what I was saying and his silence meant he was taking everything in. But the pain in my chest and the tears in my eyes were everything I dreaded.

"Don't you have...anything to say?" I asked, wanting him to say something, anything, instead of just watching me like I was some type of anomaly.

Harry blinked slowly as his eyes searched my face for something, anything, that I believed I couldn't give him. His hands clenched and unclenched and I closed my eyes.

This is what I wanted. I wanted things to finally be off with Harry because I just didn't want to bring him further down. This was suppose to make things easier, yet my stomach rolled like I was going to vomit. My chest hurt like my heart was being stabbed with a dull knife and my body was incredibly stiff underneath Harry's harsh gaze.

I opened my eyes and turned around before I could look at him. I took a step away from him and wiped my face with my shaky hands. I wrapped my arms around my waist to keep myself from falling apart any further. I never felt this way toward a guy before, but now that I finally have, that precious lovey dovey feeling was being ripped painful away from me. I was tearing myself away from it.

"Please just go, Harry." I whispered, afraid to go any louder. "Maybe when everything gets better for you..." I trailed off because my voice caught in my throat.

"No." A single word rose from the man behind me and I squeezed my eyes shut once again. I didn't think he'd say a word to me, not after the bomb I dropped on him. But, what does he mean by 'no' ?

"Harry..." I begged quietly and wiped more tears from my face as they fell passed my closed eyelids.

"No." Harry said and I felt him take a step closer to me. The hairs on the back of my neck rose as Harry grabbed my shoulders and turned me around. "No, you can't do this. I won't let you."