zodiac astrology

the signs with their children:

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aries: "ah yes..6 months..the perfect age to start boxing classes"

taurus: [uses a baby-carrier on their teenager]

gemini: "listen buddy, i don't care what you did at preschool imma bout to tell you about MY day."

cancer: [rushes their kid to the hospital after a stubbed toe]

leo: [is prepared to physically fight their child's bullies]

virgo: [pulls out a calculus textbook] "story time."

libra: the mom in "stacy's mom"

scorpio: "a lullaby? alright baby....bitches aint shit and they aint sayin nothin..a hundred mutha fuckas..."

sagittarius: [newborn vomits on them] "what the...i did not raise you to be like this"

capricorn: "beautiful baby right? well. not as beautiful as me but..you know, we can't all be so blessed."

aquarius: [burns their kids hw] "you dont need this..its all up to the system....listen, there's a rebellion coming"

pisces: [sees their baby sleeping] "what an asshole..why tf cant that be me?"