zodiac astrology

the signs as stuff drake does:

aries: Drake adjusts his bow tie in the mirror before raising a glass of champagne to his reflection. "Happy anniversary, Drake," he whispers.

taurus: "Any dessert for you, sir?" "Oh no thank you, I'm stuffed!" Drake says, flashing a fake smile. "Stuffed, yet so empty," he thinks.

gemini: Drake falls and scrapes his knee. To the trickling blood he begs, "please don't leave me. She already did"

cancer: A second-hand book store. Drake finds a copy of Twilight. A sticker on it reads "USED". He looks around, then leans in. "You too?" he says.

leo: A motel room. TV blaring. "Police are tonight chasing a suspect..." "At least one of us is a wanted man tonight," Drake sighs.

virgo: Drake gazes at his reflection in the lake; it looks sad. "How can I find her," he thinks, skimming a stone, "when I can't even find myself?"

libra: A hotel. Despite entering the WiFi password, "Unable to establish a connection" flashes up on Drake's laptop. He sighs. "Story of my life."

scorpio: "Hey," she texts. Drake types, in reply, "I'd like to caress you for my whole life." He hesitates, then deletes it. "Hey," he sends.

sagittarius: As the pilot announces that the plane has reached an altitude of 35,000 feet, Drake stares, blankly. "How can I be so high, yet so low?"

capricorn: Drake sits back and admires the puzzle he has finished. He sips his green tea, then sighs. "There's a still a piece missing."

aquarius: At the antiques store, Drake finds a weathered jewellery box. "I could keep my heart in this," he thinks. "I could keep it safe forever."

pisces: Drake, on babysitting duty, sits with his niece watching Frozen. A lump appears in his throat as 'Let It Go' comes on. "I'm trying, Elsa."

these are so funny im

credit to the twitter account: StuffDrakeDoes