Something Infinite

Chapter 33

Jen's POV

Nothing in life seemed to be simple anymore. There wasn't a day that seemed normal, or fit into the idea of a simple life. Around every corner was a new challenge, or a new cloud of grey that loomed over my head.

Putting my life into perspective right now, I gathered I was currently sitting by my sick daughters hospital bed, my boyfriend had had some kind of breakdown he wasn't telling me about, I had just lost one of my close friends because I befriended someone else, my best friend back home was still in a coma, and I was still upset that the media were so intrusive of my life, that they had plastered photos all over the Internet, of what happened earlier today. I was mentally drained- I craved for some kind of positivity to crawl back into my life again.

I knew Mia would be okay, but it still wasn't easy seeing your child so helpless and defeated by her own body, and there wasn't a thing I could do about it. Seeing people I cared about in hospital beds seemed to be a reoccurring event in my life, but with each it did not become easier to deal with. I hated hospitals, but did anyone really like them? I questioned how nurses and doctors could enjoy calling this their workplace.

"Baby, you have to eat something," Harry approached me from behind, his arms wrapping around my exhausted body.

"I'm not hungry," I dismissed the idea of food.

"You haven't eaten since lunch, it's now 9pm, you're going to burn yourself out. Let's just go home, eat something, and get some rest."

"You want me to leave our daughter here alone? No!" I was shocked at the suggestion, I wasn't going to leave her, what kind of idea even was that?

"Jen, she's in the best hands, the staff here are amazing, we are no use to her, and you definitely are not if you have no energy because you haven't eaten and you're running on no sleep."

"Harry, I'm not going home. You can go, but I'm not leaving this room without her," I stood my ground. I knew he was right, I should have let him take me home, but I couldn't go, I'd feel guilty.

"I'm not going to leave you here..."

"I want you to go home, it's better if one of us is well rested, rather than both of us exhausted. I just need time to process everything, and let myself breathe with all the shit going on in my life."

"You told me not to let you push me away, and that's what you're doing now. What shit is going on that you need time to breathe? Is there something you're not telling me?" He was agitated and taking what I said too much to heart. I wasn't pushing him away, I just needed a minute to myself after the day I had.

"There's nothing going on that you don't know about. Sometimes I just think my life is turning into something I don't want it to, and like I'm in over my head," I confessed to him.

"What is that supposed to mean?" His face showing clear confusion and agitation at my sudden confession.

"Don't worry about it," I tried to end the conversation, but knowing him, he would push until I broke, and we would end up arguing because he was sensitive, and took everything personally- like me.

"No, tell me what the problem is. You were fine up until Mia fell ill, I've never seen any indication that the life you have wasn't making you happy. Am I the problem? Are you not happy with me?"

"This is why I don't want to talk about it, and why I shouldn't have said what I did. You're turning it into something it's not," I shook my head at my own stupid impulsive comment, starting something that did not need to be started.