Something Infinite

Chapter 42

Jen's POV

Admiration, pride, and love were the three things I felt in this moment, standing with Harry at the wheel of my grandfather's boat.

I couldn't believe he had thought to do this, on such short notice. He had text me to come with my parents to the boat, just as I was leaving the hospital. I had assumed he was with them, I had no idea he was even visiting my grandmother today.

"It was really sweet of you to visit my grandma, especially without me. What made you think to do that?" I asked him.

"Your mum broke down earlier, while I was with her," he began his explanation.

"What? Why? Is she okay?" I looked down at her, not even being able to tell she was upset just a couple of hours prior.

"She's still grieving her fathers death, and now that Christmas is approaching, she's thinking about her brother more too. She's been worrying about her mum, she's afraid if she leaves, she'll feel like she's abandoning not only her, but her father and brother too.

I thought to put this together, so we all have a chance to be together before we take off tomorrow, and it's a way you can all pay tribute to your uncle and grandfathers memories.

I thought this up at your parents house, then visited your grandmother to see how she's doing, and have her come out and help me set this up. We need to visit her more often Jen, especially with Mia."

During the last couple of months, dealing with my grandfathers death, I barely thought about how his death affected other people. I made the loss all about myself, closing my family off, worrying them on top of grieving the death. I felt so selfish, especially now that I knew my mum was still emotionally bruised by it.

My grandmother had my grandfather by her side, majority of her life. She didn't know life without him, she was lonely now. As hard as it was for me to lose an uncle and grandparent, I couldn't even imagine how she felt losing a husband and son. If anything ever happened to Harry and Mia, I wouldn't be able to live through the pain, like my grandmother had, and was.

Instead of being there to support both her and my mum, through both losses, I shut them out. I should have been the shoulder to cry on, not the knife in their heart with my attitude and cold shoulder towards them.

Harry shouldn't have to have been the one to organise this, I should have thought of something this special. He had a heart of gold, and always put others before himself. I needed that quality in myself too, especially now that I was a mum.

I couldn't help but tear up at everything. The thoughtfulness behind my boyfriends gift to us, my lack of compassion and sympathy towards my family, my selfishness and self centred tendencies, and most of all, just a release of emotions after the week I had had with Bella, and trying to help her remember her life.

"What are these for?" Harry wiped my tears away, cupping my cheeks to bring me closer towards him.

"I wish I was half the person you are," I admitted to him. He may have messed up from time to time, but underneath it all, he was a beautiful man, that deserved all the goodness in the world.

"What do you mean? You are more than half the person I am. What had brought this on all of a sudden?"

"I should have been there more for my mum and grandma, the losses would have hurt them more than it did me, and all I could think about was myself. I never stopped to think how much this hurt them, and how much we needed to be a strong family unit, and support each other.

I feel so incredibly selfish for how I acted when my granddad passed. I blamed you all for not telling me, and shut you all out because I was being stubborn. I didn't stop to think how my mum felt about losing her dad, I wasn't there for her, I wasn't there for my grandma, I feel like such a self centred bitch," I sobbed, admitting to my faults.