Something Infinite

Chapter 48

Jen's POV

New Year's Eve- the final day of the year, the night before a new beginning. December 31st marked the end of one chapter, saying goodbye to all the misfortunes and negativity held that year, and when the clock struck twelve, your entitlement to a fresh start would commence. Or so we were lead to believe.

2015 was a year filled with eventful occurrences, rewarding and sinful. Nothing about this year was easy, it was dramatic and elevated to heights far beyond what I could have ever imagined. Pain and pleasure, were two words to sum up my year. My long, challenging year.

I didn't want to say goodbye to it though. With the bad came the good, and luckily for me, there was more good in my life than bad. I didn't believe in the whole new year new me rubbish, it was all an act, all a mask to try and cover up the mistakes made that year. Things did not magically change because the date did, there was no point in being in denial about it.

A new year does not change a person, they change themselves, when they are ready to. So this year I wouldn't make any resolutions, I wouldn't vow to change who I was, because that was all bullshit. Things don't disappear over night, people you lost don't come back, broken hearts aren't mended, that ten kilos I vowed to lose last New Year's Eve didn't vanish, so what was the point in making resolutions? No one stuck to them, and maybe that was a good thing. Maybe change wasn't always what we needed, because it wasn't always necessary. I didn't want to forget this past year, because it all made me the person I was on this very day.

Life is full of moments- moments which make you who you are, teach you how to act, show you right from wrong, build your character, and make you stronger. So why would you want to turn your back on a year, that helped you become who you were?

Resolutions were nothing but empty promises to ourselves, setting us up for unrealistic expectations. Why vow to change who you are, just because a date changes? It was impossible to foresee the future, so I would just embrace it, not set rules for myself, and just enjoy the journey that was life.

These were my thoughts on the plane to London. I'd been listening to family talk about their resolutions for 2016, each one of them coming up with some promise they would break by January second.

Mum had been planning to change her lifestyle, every New Years Eve since I could remember. Dad said he would work less, and Sam was going to stop caring about what people thought of her. I'd heard these all before, and rolled my eyes a little more each time.

"What's your New Years resolution, Jen?" Harry asked from the seat beside me, getting caught in my families web of lies.

"I'm not making any, they're pointless," I shrugged, earning looks of confusion from the family members listening in.

"There's nothing pointless about setting goals for yourself, Jenelle," my dad chimed in, starting off a lecture on my cynical views.

"Set goals for yourself as much as you want, but don't use New Years Eve as a starting point. Achieve things in your own time, not just because it's a new year. We all know you're not going to work less, dad, and mum you're not going to start getting up at 6am to do yoga, so why do we set these expectations for ourselves, only to feel like shit when we've failed?"

"A new year marks a new beginning, a chance to start over," my mum retorted. Such a cliché, I'd heard that line a few hundred times.

"People say the same thing about Mondays, and their birthday, and the first day after recovering from sickness. Oh I'll eat healthier, oh I'll start exercising, oh I'll live everyday like it's my last. Do any of us ever follow the promises we make ourselves? Rarely. So I say screw resolutions, and screw leaving things for tomorrow, if you want to change something about yourself, start now, in this moment.