Slipping Through My Fingers

Salted Peanuts, Bananas and Ice cream

Janette took a deep breath, looking in the mirror. It was Caleb's birthday...well would've been his 1st birthday....1 year since Janette had ridden in an ambulance with the twins and Joanne, not knowing that it would be over so soon. They had planned to go to Caleb's grave for his birthday, lay flowers down for him, it wasn't what Janette and Aljaz had imagined doing for their youngest son's 1st birthday, then after laying down the flowers and talkingv to him through the stone, they were going to go out for lunch somewhere; a special treat to celebrate what would've been his birthday. Janette continued to look in her ensuite mirror, she was as white as a ghost, beads of sweat forming on her forehead...she felt nausea, concentrating on not throwing up she dabbed at her forehead with a tissue, wiping away the beads of sweat. "Mum are you okay?" A voice from the door to the ensuite said. Amelia-Lily. Janette turned her head and smiled at her eldest daughter, "of course sweetie....shall we go?" Janette said, trying to reassure herself as well as Amelia-Lily, taking her hand the girls went downstairs to the car where Aljaz was buckling the twins in. He could tell that something was wrong with Janette. "You okay princess?" He mouthed to her. Janette smiled and nodded as she got in the front passenger seat of the car.
It was quiet at the graveyard...well you would expect it to be. The 5 of them walked along the gritty path to where Caleb's gravestone was. The children lay down laminated birthday cards that they had made alongside pale blue and pale pink flowers. They talked to him as if he were really there, mainly Amelia-Lily and the twins with Aljaz and Janette chipping in with something every now and then. Aljaz noticed Janette was quieter today, normally when she visited with him she wouldn't stop talking...he sat next to her on the wooden chestnut bench that was conveniently opposite their baby's headstone. He wrapped his arm round Janette and she rested her head on his shoulder, still trying to concentrate on not vomiting. "Are you okay bučka?" Aljaz asked, he knew that today was a hard day for both of them but something was definitely wrong. "Nothing baby...I'm fine...just tired," she replied, not looking him in the eye, she knew something was unusual but she couldn't put her finger on it...Leonardo came and stood in front of his parents, "I'm hungry," he said, no surprise there then. Janette smiled, putting on a brave face, "okay....shall we go get some lunch?" She asked, Leonardo nodded, holding onto his mother's hand, they all walked back to the car...Aljaz was worried about Janette, she didn't seem herself, distant, something was wrong, he just knew it......

3 hours later.....
4 o'clock in the afternoon. The 3 kids were stretched out on the biggest sofa, a mixture of limbs. Janette was upstairs...Aljaz wasn't sure what she was doing up there but whatever it was she was being very quiet, so that ruled out talking on the phone. Poking his head round the living room door, making sure that the kids were okay before sneaking upstairs to investigate what his bučka was doing upstairs....he walked in to find her laying on their bed, still dressed in her clothes from earlier, not moving...still as a statue. Aljaz panicked....he closed the bedroom door, not wanting their children to hear him and panic as well...he rushed to her side and started shaking her, calling her name, "Janette! Janette! Wake up...don't leave me please don't...." Janette stirred, gradually opening her eyes to find Aljaz standing over her, gently shaking her, his eyes filled with tears. "Aljaz?" She muttered sleepily, letting out a big yawn. Aljaz pulled her in for a hug, letting out a sigh of relief, "I thought you'd gone...I thought you'd left me forever," Aljaz said, nuzzling into Janette's shoulder, closing his eyes, preventing the tears from coming. Janette took his face in her hands, "don't ever think like that baby, I will never leave you, ever...I felt really tired, I don't know why, so I came upstairs for a nap, I didn't mention it because then you'd think I was ill or something," Janette said. Aljaz pressed his forehead gently against hers, "just tell me you'll tell me next time...I was so worried...why are you so tired today?" Janette shrugged, kissing Aljaz in the nose, "I don't know...I'm really hungry as well," Janette said. Aljaz smiled, "what do you want to eat my princess?" Janette hesitated...."um....salted peanuts...bananas....and....um....ice cream," she said, waiting for his reaction to her weird combination of foods. Aljaz laughed, "really? Altogether?" Janette nodded, chewing her lip, "yeah....I've been craving them all day....."