Slipping Through My Fingers

Okay...

Janette woke up early, her eyes scanning round the hospital room looking for Aljaz. She remembered falling asleep on him the previous night but now couldn't find him. "Baby? Aljaz?" She called out. The door opened, "hey princess." Janette let out a sigh of relief, "I thought you'd left me... I wasn't sure where you were..." Aljaz sat down next to her, stroking her cheek with his thumb, "how could you ever think that? I love you...I was checking up on Jorge...the nurse said she'll bring him round in a bit," Aljaz explained. Janette took his hand, "okay." Aljaz sat on Janette's hospital bed, she immediately rested against him, as if he was taking all the weight off her shoulders. "How are you feeling today my princess?" Janette shrugged, "tired, weak, sore, tender, hopeless, useless...so nothing new," she replied. Aljaz brushed her hair with his fingers, "you're not hopeless or useless...you've given birth to a baby all by yourself without the help of any doctors or midwives and you've had a major operation. I think you're the bravest woman alive." Janette blinked away her tears and squeezed his hand. The nurse came in with Jorge, "do you want to see your baby?" Janette nodded, trying to sit herself up but failing, nearly bursting into tears, Aljaz gently pulled her up, supporting her with the pillows displayed around her. The nurse passed Jorge to Aljaz and left the room. "Do you want to hold him?" Janette nodded, then shook her head and then burst into tears. "Oh princess what's wrong?" Aljaz asked. "I want to hold him but I can't...I'm not strong enough...I don't want to hurt him," she wept. "My love you could never hurt him...here just lay back and I can lay him on you," Aljaz said as he lay Jorge on Janette's breast, he started to whimper. "Oh baby you take him...I can't settle him," Janette said, her eyes filling with tears again. "Hey give him a chance...he just needs to get used to you that's all...he loves you really," Aljaz said, taking hold of his little hand. Jorge stretched his little arms and legs out, letting out a little yawn. "But I can't cuddle him properly..." Aljaz stroked her hair, "you will be able to, you just need to get your strength back," he said kissing the top of her head. Janette shook her head, "baby you should move on from me...I'm wasting your time...you're still young, you'd be able to find someone else easily." Aljaz's eyes glazed over with tears, "no...no...I'm not leaving you...in sickness and in health...I could never love anyone as much as I love you...you're my world...I refuse to leave you...me and the kids can't live without you," Aljaz said, taking her face in his hands so that she had no choice but to look in his eyes. Janette put one hand on Jorge and one hand on Aljaz's cheek, leaning her forehead against his, "I don't deserve you," she muttered. Aljaz stroked her hair, "oh shush, you're perfect." Jorge started to cry so Aljaz scooped him up, rocking him gently. "How are the kids then? Mils, Sasa, Leo and Angel? When can I see them?" Janette asked, changing the subject. "They're okay...they're with Karen and Kevin at the moment...I'm going to bring them in tonight so they can see their new baby brother and you of course, they all seem to be missing you from when I spoke to them on the phone." Janette nodded, reaching out for Aljaz's hand, "I love you bučko." Aljaz kissed her forehead, "and I love you bučka...."

"Now you mustn't jump on your mum, or expect too much from her...she's still quite tired, okay?" Aljaz said as he pulled up in a car parking space with the 4 children in the car. Amelia-Lily rolled her eyes, looking exactly like Janette, "yes Dad, we know...we just want to see Mum, and the baby." Their shoes squeaked as they walked through the endless maze like corridors leading to Janette's room. The children ran into the hospital room, calling to their mother. Amelia-Lily lifted her 2 year old sister up onto the bed who instantly snuggled into her Mum. "Hello my little Angel Delight." Angel smiled, "Mummy all better now?" She asked. Janette nodded, "I'm going to be okay my darlings, but for now you have to be good children for your Dad okay?" Janette said gently running her fingers through Angel's straggly half-brushed hair. Amelia-Lily peered over the cot at the end of Janette's bed, reaching out for the baby's tiny hand as he wrapped it round his oldest sister's 2 fingers. "Can I hold him? I'll be dead careful, promise, I'm nearly 10 so I can hold him by myself," Amelia-Lily said, looking up at her parents. Janette nodded, Aljaz lifted Jorge up, "you have to sit down though, you're not quite grownup enough to hold your brother all by yourself," Aljaz said laying Jorge on Amelia-Lily's lap. "Mum can I hold him after Mils?" Sasa piped up. "Can I hold him after Sasa?" Leonardo followed. "An' me! An' me!" Angel said, not really sure what her older siblings were clamouring to do but not wanting to be left out, still seeing herself as the baby of the family. "You can all hold him," Janette said, a smile across her face as she watched her children caring attentively over their new baby brother. Angel slid off the bed to go over and inspect the new baby, Aljaz sat where Angel had sat, putting his arm round Janette as she snuggled in. "I'm not having any more babies Ali." Aljaz laughed, not too loudly so the kids didn't hear, "okay bučka, okay bučka." Aljaz kissed the side of her head, brushing her hair with his fingers, looking down at his exhausted wife, panda bear circles under her eyes. "Do you want me to take the kids home?" Aljaz whispered. Janette shook her head, "no...it's nice having you all here...makes me feel normal." Aljaz continued to brush Janette's hair, soothing her like a child, "okay princess...okay..."