Scars and Burns

Chapter 9- Will I ever find me?

*Hi guys. not feeling well today, so i came home from school and entertained myself my by writting so this is an early one! Happy reading! Lemme know what you think!

-writers_dreams*

Chapter 9- Will I ever find me?

As she made up the bed in the spare room, why she didn't do it while she was waiting for me to arrive is beyond me, I went and to collect the chocolate and ice cream out of the freezer like she had said. Yes, it has been years since we last spoke but we still get on with our old ways. For example: when one is upset, the other comforts them with fatty foods and reality TV shows just to make us feel better about ourselves. And that is exactly what we did.

After I went for a long, hot, needed shower and dressed into the pyjamas Frizz had leant me for the night, I walked out to her curled up on the lounge covered with a duvet and a spoon in her hand and the ice cream on her lap as she started watching reruns of Jersey Shore. I walked to meet her on the other side of the couch as I snatched the ice cream out of her hands. I climbed under the cover as I spooned the cold contents of the tub into my mouth. Frizz jumped as my cold feet came in contact with her warms ones.

"Jesus girl, your feet are freezing!" She cursed. I giggle at her surprise even after all the years we spent together hiding under blankets she still hasn't learnt that my feet have some sort of temperature disorder making them cold all the time no matter the season. Frizz picked up the chocolate from the floor and started to take small bites out of it.

"I still never understood why you don't eat this stuff," she said with her mouth full, referring to the chocolate.

"After all the times I've told you? Actually, that doesn't surprise me," we laugh in union like we used when we were kids. "It gives me migraines."

"Well, more for me I guess," she shrugs playfully.

"That's alright. I get a tub of ice cream to myself," I banter.

We diverted our attention back to the television where the people on the show are stupid and self-centred making me feel better about my current situation.

My current situation... Luke. I gave that boy everything! My childhood, my love, my virginity, my guidance and even my money and time to clean up his shit! My childhood had ended pretty much as soon as I started dating him because no 18 year old wants to date a girl who acts like a child whether they are one or not. Although I was 15 I had to act like I was as wise as 90 year old who was in WWII and claims to have seen everything that one could possible see in the ninety years of their life. He took my love for granted. Luke knew I would do anything for him. He was the only person I had to turn to because once I left the country my parents cut off all contact.

"If you don't listen to us and leave that boy, I don't think I could ever call you my daughter," I remember my mother saying to me only hours before I left with Luke. Why didn't I listen to her? I miss her hugs and her advice. He knew I loved him more than the universe and its surroundings and I would do anything for him and he took advantage of that but only now I am realizing this. He had me blindfolded of the bad in him. He had me fucking fooled. And he took my fucking virginity like it was the prize to some fucking twisted game. Before we left his parents also didn't think it was the smartest thing that their boy should do, take an under aged girl overseas. So when he was mad or upset I was there to make him happy again. Luke took my money, he took my time and he took me. I have been with Luke for most of the time a kid learns who they are and he twisted and manipulated me to what he wanted and now that he is gone, I have lost myself. Will I ever find me?

I was snapped out of my questioning when Frizzy started waving her hand on front of my face.

"Amber? Are you sure you're okay?" She asked, concerned.

I didn't realise that I was holding back the tears until I let them stream down my face as I hid in the duvet. I felt Frizz jump to my side of the couch and enclosed me in a tight embrace. When I cried it wasn't the small sobs you do when you don't want anyone to hear you. It was the loud cries when you are in extreme amounts of pain. Frizz hated to see me like this so she started to sing softly into my ear, to at least quieten my screams for him. "Pretty, pretty please. Don't you ever, ever feel like you're less then, less than perfect," she continued to sing one of my favourite as she kept the high notes to a minimum.

The scary part is even though all the stupid shit he has put me through, I am more than happy to go back running to him because I know if I am with him I wouldn't be feeling like this, hollow and withdrawn.

*dun dun dah! what do you think is going to happen? is she going to go back to Luke? What is Frizzy gonna say?? fan, vote, comment, inbox, share. follow my twitter @liveurdreams98 and follow my ig @liveurdream98*