Orange is the new black "The new prisoner" (Book 1)

Not coping

"Faye you need to get ready" Alex said soothingly as I led in my bed, I've been a mess since my mom died a week ago, I miss her a lot, I've been neglecting my duties as a mother to Kevin and as a guardian to my brother. "She's in there" I heard Alex say to someone as she left the room and my sister came in, "Faye you have to get ready for the funeral" my sister directed to me "I'm not going" I muttered "You are and there's no doubt about it, now get up." She ordered as she pushed me out of my bed. "Who's looking after Kevin then" I said asked "Piper is." She said and smiled. I grabbed something suitable for the funeral and got ready, I didn't want to go but I have to.

We all stood outside as the hearse pulled outside, I held myself together as I looked at the flowers surrounding her coffin "We are in this car." My sister said and she led me to the car and opened the door and I got in. I looked out the window to see people in our neighbourhood stood outside throwing flowers onto the hearse, it's reassuring to know she had plenty of support and plenty of friends.

The journey to the church was agonising, it was painful. I gazed out of the window reflecting on times from my child hood, all the fantastic holidays we had together and how happy her and my dad were together and in the space of a year they split up and both passed away. The car pulled up to the church and we all got out and walked inside and got ready. We played her favourite songs whilst everyone got settled, it was only family here, my moms sisters and her brother as well as my cousins and my grandmother. "Faye so nice to see you!" She said and hugged me "It's a shame we had to meet in such awful circumstances, your mother. My daughter was a strong and loving woman and we will all miss her" she said and hugged me. She lives in Spain so we hardly see her anymore but I know she loved mom a lot.

We were all instructed to stand and I turned and saw members of my family stood at the back holding my mothers coffin, leading them down was my grandmother I know how much they loved each other and how close they got on as mother and daughter. They walked down the narrow tiled floor and placed her coffin down onto a surface at the top of the room. "Ladies and gentleman, we are here today to remember the life of a dearest member of your family. Tess Marshall was a much loved mother, daughter, sister and friend and leaves behind 3 beautiful children, Danielle aged 27, Faye aged 20 and Oliver aged 16 as well as her grandson." The man who was leading the service said at this point I zoned out of what he was saying, all I could think about was my mother.

Her and my dad married when they were just 21, my grandfather practically shunned her from the family because his reputation meant a lot more to him than family but my grandmother showed him that she will stick by her kids and that their marriage is nothing compared to their children and ever since I got told that story I've held huge respect for my grandmother. After about an hour of revisiting good memories in my mind I was interrupted by my sister who told me to stand up. I shot up and watched as my mothers coffin started to move backwards into a private area where it's taken for cremation, I locked eyes onto the photo of us all on top of her coffin taken just weeks ago it was of me, mom my siblings and Kevin and is by far my favourite photo. A tear rolled down my cheek as I saw the curtain move around the coffin and realising that I will never see her again.

I collected my things and decided to walk home, I strayed away from everyone including Alex and I just wandered out into the streets, cars were honking and swerving all around me when I got out of my trance and realised what I was going. I looked in horror as I saw a van heading straight for me "WATCH OUT!" I heard someone shout as they grabbed me and we fell to the ground, I hit my head on the pavement as I fell which caused a cut to form on my forehead I looked up to see who my saved me and realised it was Alex, she was out cold on the floor and passers by swarmed around us, "Alex? Sweetie wake up!" I said as I ran my fingers through her hair, moments passed before she came too she made noises to show she was in some form of pain "What's wrong?" I asked "Just a few cuts and bruises, I'll be fine." She said and smiled before returning to her normal self.

We both got up and by some form of fate it turns out we were just across the street from the hospital, thankfully we were fine but things changed when we got into the car and headed home, she went from nice to horrible "What the fuck were you playing at Faye? Why were you out in the traffic?" She questioned "I just lost control of myself, I zoned out and I just found myself wondering out." I replied "Like I'm going to believe that. I know you haven't been coping Faye. You haven't been looking after Kevin either." She said "Are you joking? I've been trying my best to provide for Kevin, when my mother was alive I done everything in the house, taking care of my brother and mother. I've been tidying and sorting out the house, whilst you and Piper do what? Oh that's right you go out partying every night. We are meant to be bloody married Alex and I'm starting to question if you actually meant any of this. The marriage, the house the lot" I snapped at her as she parked the car outside the house, Piper was stood at the door and I ran up to her and grabbed Kevin before going inside and slamming the door on them both. Maybe the marriage was a mistake. Maybe I'm better on my own.