Colleen POV
"Joshua stop babe" I say as I crawl into bed that night. He is crying watching me get ready for bed. He rolls over to his back and has his hands are on his face. I reach for him and he grabs me and pulls me into him. I feel him kissing my hair as I rub his back. "I am scared too but we have a baby coming Joshua. We need to have one at least in case it never happens again" I say pulling back from him. "I need to be a Mom" I add. "But Colleen the problem is the disease might take your life in the meantime while you are carrying the baby and then you won't be here" he sobs. "I need you here babe" he sobs again. "Sssssh honey calm down. I will be here" I say. "How are you so strong?" he asks. I start to laugh. "I am thinking of the baby and you. No time to think about me" I say. He kisses my lips and it takes my breath away. "Babe that was some kiss" I say giggling. "I love you so much" he says. My poor Joshua. His heart is mush.
I make my way to the gynecological oncologist two days later. Josh is better but now I think he is more angry then upset. I get a gown on and my tummy is a little noticeable. I feel Josh rub my face as we wait for the doctor. The doctor walks in a few moments later and looks through the hospitals findings and lays me back. She does a full exam and does another ultrasound. "Well Colleen, based on the levels you are a stage one which is really good. It means its got a good success rate of being cured however if you keep the baby your hormones will increase therefore feeding the cancer cells" she says staring at Josh and I. "What stage do you think it will be at once the baby is born?" I ask sitting up. "For sure stage 2 but could be a 3" she says. "Stage 4 is incurable" she adds. I nod looking at Josh. "I hate to say this but I want her to abort the baby and get herself healthy and then try again for another baby" Josh says. "Actually I don't think another baby is a good idea. If we were to treat her now or in the future after the baby is born the first thing I would do is remove her cervix" the doctor says. "Ok well then I am 100% keeping the baby. That is my final answer" I say. "Okay Colleen how long are you in Canada for?" she asks me. "At least another month" I add. "Ok you come see me once a week so I can keep an eye on you and your levels please" the doctor says. I nod smiling. I look at Josh and he is quietly crying. The doctor smiles at him and then me and excuses herself. "Please Colleen. We can adopt" he begs as I sit on his lap. "Joshua, I am giving us one baby. Please support me" I say looking into his eyes. He nods and hugs me again. I love him.
