Colleen POV
I am in a fog. Lily's small funeral was today and I am sitting in our backyard after returning home. I should be in my cancer treatment right now but they have delayed it since the circumstances have changed.I am still healing from my c section and shouldn't be up that much but I don't care. I care about nothing. I stare into the sky and basically hear nothing but my own brain thinking. My baby girl is gone. I held her once. I hear the back door open behind me. I know its Josh but don't turn around. He kneels in front of me in a tshirt and shorts as he must have changed out of his suit. He rubs my knees. "Colleen come eat something babe" he asks. "No" I say looking away from him. "Colleen come inside with me please baby" he says. I nod and stand up as he helps me. We shuffle along and my stomach is so painful. I stop and breathe as Josh stares at me. "Ok?" he asks. I nod and continue into the house. I walk into our bedroom and throw my dress off and climb into a tshirt and into bed. Josh sits beside me crying holding my hand. "Just leave me" I say quietly. "I don't want to" he says. I don't say a word. I have no energy to respond. I close my eyes and drop off.
I wake up in the middle of the night and see Josh sleeping beside me. I quietly get up and make my way to the kitchen and grab a glass of water. I sit down on the couch and see boxes piled in the corner of the dining room. I stand up puzzled and walk towards them. I wonder what is in them. I take a small box down and open it. My heart stops. Baby blankets still in store packaging. I throw it onto the floor and start grabbing the other boxes opening them one by one. Baby clothes, bottles,toys etc are inside all of them. I have tears pouring down my cheeks realizing someone cleaned out the nursery. I run down the hall and look into the babys room and nothing is in it. I fall to the floor sobbing. I hear running and know its Josh. I stare at him as he stands in the doorway. "Who touched Lily's stuff?" I ask screaming. "All of us cleaned it out. The boxes are in the dining room" he says quietly. "I know! I found them" I say. "How dare you do this!" I say as he approaches. "Colleen, we did it to help you. We don't want you walking by a room full of baby stuff with no..." he stops. "With no baby????" I scream. He starts to cry now watching me loose my shit. He grabs me. "Colleen, relax sweetheart. There is nothing we could have done ok?" he says. I rip my arm out of his grip and move to a corner and stare at the empty room. Like the room, I feel the same way....empty.
