[1] fangirl ;; lt

tiga puluh sembilan

Gue langsung tercengang, masih ngeproses dengan lemot kejadian apa yang baru aja terjadi dan gue ga bisa percaya itu. We almost kissed for God's sake. "You what?" tanya gue, ngerespon umpatan Louis yang tadi.

"I felt bad about doing this behind your back."

"What... what's going on? Tell me exactly."

"I can't. I just... can't talk about it," Louis ngelengin kepalanya, di saat yang bersamaan seorang pelayan dateng mengintrupsi pembicaran Louis sama gue dan ngejelasin tentang makanan yang dia hidangin ke kita. Bacot anjing. "The dish is finally served. You'll love this."

"Stop trying to out of the topic. I know this is about me, literally, I have to know about this, Louis. You can't just hiding this from me, it's not okay," gue ngomong, bener-bener ga tau apa yang gue omongin sekarang, yang gue pikirin cuma cara supaya dia mau cerita tentang ini. Karna gue tau persis kalo ini tentang gue dan dari awal gue udah curiga kalo ada yang mereka sembunyiin. Dari waktu gue nguping percakapan Louis sama Harry, trus waktu gue nguping, Liam ngeliat gue dan langsung mukul Niall pelan. Setelah itu, Niall langsung manggil gue tanpa dosa dan ngalihin perhatian gue. Astaga.

"You won't understand."

"Then make me understand by telling me what the fuck is going on here."

"Avril, this thing is insane and nasty and I'm sorry for doing this shitty thing to you."

"Tell me," kata gue, bener-bener ngedesak supaya Louis cerita tentang ini.

"Don't be angry, please?"

"I don't know."

"Right...," Louis memulai. "The first time I followed you, I knew it wouldn't be good because this was my management's idea. Right, their idea. We are going to release our new album and it has the same time as Justin Bieber's and the knew, we won't beat him if we just have the fandom while Justin Bieber is the male singer who rules the world. And then they thought if I date a fan, a Louis-Harry shipper actually, would be nice. So I started to talk to you and I realize that you're so funny to talk with, and I like the way you tell jokes. It's just so... funny.

"You're kind of a funny girl. And I'm feeling so comfortable to meet you and it's true, my perspective is true. They told me to not tell you about this, because you will be exposing them so soon if you know this. So I just need to keep my mouth close and do all the sceneries. But it didn't work as I thought, Harry was very angry when I told him about this, long before you came here. He didn't agree about this, he and I both have been trying to look for some girls out there and the management did not agree with what we wanted.

"And all what you thought was true, I am sort of... bisexsual but I've never dated a boy before. The first time I saw Harry, I saw that this guy is attractive with that curly hair. And then we met on the X Factor and yeah, we were getting closer and closer. One day, we had a very intensive conversation about our feeling, as I would not expected we had the mutual feeling. But it's not okay for our career and our management knew it. So they gave us a girl to date with, and we couldn't do anything except date the girl. The first time I saw Eleanor I really hated her, really. But after four months during that fake dating, I felt like my feeling for her was as big as my feeling to Harry. I told her, and we were really in intense relationship. I loved her so much and forget about Harry and so did him. But then, in 2015 I was so drunk and accidentally cheated on her. She was so angry and I felt like I was the real asshole. I was so fucked up at the time and started to go to clubs all the time until I meet Briana. She looked so good with that blonde hair. And so Oli.

"Then, we started.... like you know, God this is so disgusting to talk about. The point, Oli and I have... yeah you can bet. Then after a few weeks she called me and admited that she is pregnant my baby. That was so fucked up and I was so upset and the management knew it and they wanted me to tell the whole world that the baby was mine while medias started talk about it. Avril, being an entertainment won't be as good as you think. It's hard," jelas Louis dengan panjang lebar yang bikin gue cuma bisa melongo akibat penjelasan dia.

"Are you saying that you're using me?" kata gue dengan ga percaya, poin yang bisa gue tangkep cuma itu.

"Sort of," Louis jawab, suaranya pelan banget. "And there always been paparazzi out there to take a lot of pictures."

"Louis," gue mulai nangis, gue bener-bener emosional. Bayangin aja, gue masih berumur 17 tahun dan gue masih sekolah, sebentar lagi gue bakalan UN buat keluar dari SMA dan cuma karna ini, gue bakalan keluar dari sekolah. Gue sama sekali ga nyangka hal ini bisa kejadian, foto gue sama Louis hampir ciuman bisa aja pada saat ini juga langsung kesebar di internet dan gue benci dengan fakta itu. Hidup gue bisa hancur.

"Avril don't cry, I can't see you sad," papar Louis lagi dan berusaha buat peluk gue.

"No, don't touch me," balas gue, sengit. "You don't know what you're doing."

"Avril..."

"I don't know. School will drop me out, my parents will get very disappointed because of me, a lof of people will judge me. My friends will talk about me behing my back. I don't know anymore, I don't even know how to live my life by now," gue mulai nangis bahkan lebih kencang, semua orang yang ada di restoran mulai ngeliat ke gue dan gue ga peduli tentang itu. Semuanya bener-bener di luar rencana, gue bahkan ga tau lagi gue harus apa. Apa yang bakalan Alvaro bilang tentang ini? Apa yang bakalan orangtua gue bilang soal ini? Apa yang bakalan sekolah bilang soal ini?

"It will be okay, I promise you."

"It won't be. I'm only 17 and Indonesian's culture is different with your country. We are very respectful and we don't even do things like kissing. I'm underage," balas gue lagi. Gue langsung kebayang kalo mereka semua bakalan ngata-ngatain gue, karna ini.

"Forgive me, please? I'm gonna call them now and pay them to not share the photo. I promise you, school won't drop you out, your parents won't be disappointed, your friends won't talk about you behind your back, everyone won't talk shit about you. I promise it all, and you just have to believe me," Louis pegang tangan gue dan gue ngeliat dia, keliatan banget kalo dia ngerasa bersalah karna ini tapi gue ga tau. Masih ga bisa cerna semuanya.

"Don't," gue ngelepasin dan langsung pergi gitu aja. Gue tau ini bener-bener dramatis, tapi ini yang gue rasain. Gue ngerasa jatuh banget dan hal yang mau gue lakuin cuma nangis. Jadi gue pergi ke toilet dan nangis sekejer-kejernya. I'm feeling like a shit now.

Gue ngambil iPhone gue buat nelpon seseorang, gue ga mau ada di tempat ini lagi. Dan gue ga tau harus nelpon siapa, gue ga punya ide. Gue ga tau di mana hotel yang gue tempatin berada dan gue ga mau buat nyetopin taksi malem-malem gini, serem. Jadi gue nelpon Harry, satu-satunya orang yang cuma bisa gue telpon dan minta tolong.

"Avril, what's wrong?" tiba-tiba muncul suara Harry yang kedengeran khawatir parah waktu telpon tersambung.

Gue nangis lagi.

"He told you?"

"Yeah," gue menggumam. "Please, pick me up here. I don't want to see him now, I can't."

"Where are you?"

"Gaucho Canary, I guess."

"Just wait there, and I'm gonna tell Louis to not look for you."

Dan sambungannya terputus. Selama nunggu Harry buat datang ke sini, gue terus-terusan ngurung diri di toilet dan coba buat ngelupain dengan dengerin lagu EDM supaya gue ga galau. Trus tiba-tiba ada yang ngetuk-ngetuk pintu.

"Get off, I'm defecating!" teriak gue, dan bikin suara kentut yang dibuat-buat.

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