Mary's POV:
*1 year later*
I'm really missing Luke right now. I haven't seen or talked to him for almost three months. Things are just moving so fast. I have two years left of college and he is already staying out in L.A. and there's talk of touring this summer. It seems like just yesterday he was leaving for the first time.
Weird, right? I thought it would take longer than this.
It's been kind of rough. There are some rumors already and it just upsets me. All he's trying to do is share his music with people, they haven't even released an album and people are already trying to tear them down. I see pictures of him with girls much prettier than me, but I don't worry. It does worry me that he hasn't talked to me. I always tell myself that he's busy, but that can't be true all the time. Can it?
I lay down on my bed and hear my phone ring.
"Hello?"
"Hey!" He says "how-uh-how are things?"
"Good..." I say "Are you okay? You sound nervous."
"What? No I'm fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah I'm sure I'm just really happy to finally be talking to you."
"Aww," I say sarcastically, "how sweet."
I hear him sigh and I can tell he's rolling his eyes too.
"I actually mean that." He says
"I know, I just had to give you a little dose of sarcasm to make up for all the sarcasm you've missed."
"I appreciate that, I've missed your witty sarcasm." He says "How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine. I went to the doctor so now I have happy pills to help."
"I'm sorry you have to take those."
"It's fine," I say "Neither of us can do anything to help this situation. It's a chemical imbalance in my brain, it's not like we can go into my head and fix it."
"You have a point." He says
"The doctors said that it might have something to do with my family history. The impact my dad leaving before I even knew him had on me was one factor."
"But you're feeling okay?"
"Right now I am." I say
Oh my god this is killing me. It feels so empty.
"Luke..." I say "I can't do this anymore."
"What do you mean?"
"This. I can't do this anymore."
"By this do you mean us?"
"No. Yes. I don't know. I just can't stand getting a call late at night and a text every now and then. When you do actually call me, it always feels empty."
"So you don't want to be together anymore?"
"I never said that. I just...I don't know anymore. I need you Luke. I don't know what my life would be like right now if I hadn't met you, but sometimes it feels like I never did."
"Mary...don't do this. I know what you're thinking, please don't."
"I've tried, I thought we could do this. But we're just kidding ourselves. We were kids who thought separation had no impact on love. But it does, Luke, to a certain extent. How do I know you aren't just playing with me? How do I know you don't have someone else with you, right beside you?"
"Are you...are you questioning my loyalty?"
"No I just...I just can't help but think, 'What if?' What if you are tired of me? What if you've found a girl who can give you things I can't?"
"I haven't. I promise."
"You say that now," I say "but what about three years from now? How can you be so sure?"
He doesn't speak for a long time. Maybe he hung up.
"Don't say that." He mumbles quietly
"We're both thinking it." I say "We just don't talk like we used to."
You need to shut up! You're going to ruin everything if you don't shut your mouth right now!
"So is this it? Is this the end?" He asks
Good fucking job Mary! You've lost him!
"I hope not."
"We've made it work for this long. I'll be home soon and we can...we can make it work."
All of the hopefulness in his voice just shatters my heart.
"You think so?"
Silence.
"Luke?"
"I know so." He says
"Maybe if we weren't so serious it wouldn't hurt so bad." I say
"So just be really good friends?"
"Yeah, that could work."
"You know I can't do that. Last time we tried I ended up kissing you."
"This time should be easier since you won't see me that much."
"I still won't be able to do it."
"Work with me here, Luke."
"I would but you know how stubborn I am."
"You're not stubborn, you just like to get on my nerves."
"You know me so well."
"Piss off."
"I gotta go anyway. Love you."
"Bye, love you too."
We hang up before I can do anymore damage. I have absolutely no idea how this is going to work.
Luke's POV:
"What the hell is wrong with girls?" I ask no one in particular
"What do you mean?"
"First she was kinda angry and then she was sweet, then she told me to piss off! What the hell is wrong?"
"Well," Michael says "girls are like roller coasters. Some are like those cute little ones that aren't even five feet of the ground that little kids ride. And some are the really scary ones that make you piss your pants just by looking at them."
"That made absolutely no fucking sense." Calum says
"I agree."
"Girls are just so misunderstood," Calum says "they're always held to these expectations and it can be stressful. They're put under a lot of pressure to look and act right. Sometimes they can't help but blow up."
"They still make you wanna piss your pants sometimes." Michael says
"Why do you ask?"
"It's complicated." I say
"You can talk with us if you want to." Calum says
"No," I say, "I think I'm going to bed."
I walk into my room, not even bothering to turn on the light. I strip down to just my boxers and climb into the bed, pulling the sheets over me. I'm still not used to sleeping alone. I had gotten so used to having her beside me the majority of the time I slept. I miss her warmth, I miss hearing her steady, soft breathing minutes after her final goodnight.
I guess the saying is true, you never really know how much you love someone until they're gone.
It's just 11 o'clock, so I lay in bed and think.
My life's going pretty good I guess. I'm getting the chance of a life time, I have a great family, people who actually have faith in me as a musician, and I have a girl who is out of this world interested in me.
Then why do I feel so empty? It's almost like I feel...unsatisfied. I know that makes me sound selfish, but I just feel like there's some missing piece inside me. I think all I need is a week or two home. I just want to be in my house, laying in my bed and being around my family. Don't get me wrong, these guys are like brothers to me, but sometimes you need to be around people who are actually related to you.
I almost wish I would have never tried to do this. I just miss having a normal day, and I really miss seeing Mary.
Mary's POV:
"This is fucking impossible." I say
"No, it isn't. Just erase everything and start over." Sarah says
"I can't!" I say, slamming my pencil down, "I've suffered through math almost my whole life! Why do I even need to do this? I won't even need to do this after college!"
"Actually, yes you will."
"I just need a break." I say, walking into the kitchen, "And maybe some food."
"No, what you need is a tutor."
"No way, I'm smart. I can figure this out."
"I hate to tell you, but you're not going to figure this out on your own. I'm not saying you're not smart, I'm just saying you need to find someone who can teach you this."
"Okay...how about you?"
"Me?" She says, laughing "You want me to teach you this complicated shit?"
"Yeah."
"You're funny, did you know that?There's a reason why I'm not in college."
"Then what do I do?"
"Get a tutor."
"Ew, people."
"You're going to have to get over that, you know."
"I don't have to," I say, dancing over to the cabinet, "I can just avoid people as much as possible."
"Speaking of people," she says "how are things going with Luke?"
"No comment." I say, closing the cabinet
"I notice you're still wearing that hoodie," she says, nodding towards me, "So I assume you are still 'dating.'"
I hop up on the counter and continue to eat my crackers.
"How do you know this isn't a hoodie I bought?"
"Because 1. It isn't yours, 2. Every time I'm near you, you smell like a guy, and 3. You're broke and I highly doubt you would buy a hoodie with your last dollar."
"Well done, Nancy Drew. But that doesn't mean Luke gave it to me. It could be Ashton's."
"Please, Ashton has never worn that cologne in his life."
"Oh yeah," I say, popping another cracker in my mouth, "I forgot about that 'detailed search' into his life."
"It was strictly research."
"You were strictly boy crazy."
"You're changing the subject!" She sings
"No I'm not!" I sing back
"What were we even talking about? Oh yeah, Luke. When are you guys going to get married? Ooh! Can I be in the wedding?"
"Woah, calm your tits. We're not getting married anytime soon. To be honest, I don't think we'll even last."
"Nooooo!" She groans "You've made it this far. If he likes it, he should put a ring on it."
"Okay, three things," I say "First, I applaud the Beyoncé reference. Second I am not a possession, so I'm not an 'it' that he can like. And third, if he wants to actually propose and make it official, he will. If he doesn't, he doesn't."
"How can you be so relaxed about this? Do you not realize that four years ago, no one, including you, would have seen this coming?"
"I believe that some things happen for a reason and that something will happen if it's going to. You can't rush things like this. Maybe he just isn't ready yet, I know I'm not."
"You've completely diverted from the subject of getting a tutor."
"I know. Do you want something to eat?"
"See? You need to find someone who knows what the fuck they're talking about. What about Superman? Klark Kent, whatever he goes by."
"James?"
"Yeah, him. He seems like the kind to be good at math. Plus you see him like four times a week, the perfect opportunity for tutoring sessions."
"But I just...I don't know," I say, throwing a box on the counter "I don't even know anymore."
"See? You don't have anything bad to say about it. Plus, if things don't work out with you and Luke, you could always go out with him."
"I'd never do that to a person."
"Just please do this, for me."
"Maybe." I say
"Thank you."
*
"I have no idea how to ask someone to be my tutor. I've never had to get one." I tell Sarah
"Just act like you have no idea what you're doing and let him offer."
"How do I do that?"
"Get a notebook out."
"Okay..."
I put my notebook on the counter and she leans over it with a puzzled look on her face.
"Follow my lead." She whispers
I lean over the notebook too, not really sure what she's going to do.
"12 o'clock." She whispers again
I hear him whistling and then hear him stop walking.
"Oh my fuck! This is too hard! You need a tutor!" She says a little too dramatically
"What do you need a tutor in?" He nonchalantly asks
"It's this god damn," she stops because she knows I don't like her saying that, "It's this math! I can't help Mary."
"Well, I can help her...if she wants me to."
"She'd love that!" Sarah says
"I think I'll just ask Luke's mom, she's pretty good at math." I say
"No, really. I'll help you."
"Well I...I can't really pay you for it right now." I say
"That's fine, I won't make you pay me."
"For real?"
"Yeah, I don't mind."
"Thanks...I guess."
"How about tomorrow?"
"I guess that's good."
"I'll see you tomorrow then." He says, smiling while pushing up his glasses, and he walks away
"Could you have been anymore dramatic?" I ask, turning around to look at her
"It got his attention, didn't it?"
"What was with the 'Oh my fuck!' thing?"
"I don't know, I just thought it sounded frustrated."
"Thanks, now I have to spend extra time with him."
"But now you won't be so confused. Plus, you didn't seem too unhappy about it."
*
It's finally 6 o'clock, and it's Friday, so I don't have to go back to work or school for two days. But I do have to meet James for tutoring. Since Mom is working tonight, I told him we could just meet at my house.
I get my stuff and walk outside.
"So where do you live again?" He asks
"You can just follow me if you want."
I get in my car and drive home, he pulls in right behind me.
"Um, this is it." I say
"It's nice." He says, looking around
I walk up to the front door and get my keys.
"This is the living room, the dining room is over there and then the kitchen is in the back. The bathroom is upstairs."
He walks ahead of me with his bookbag slung over his shoulder.
"Where would you like to sit?" He asks
"The dining room has the best lighting."
He steps back and motions for me to lead the way. I walk into the dining room and sit my bag down.
"Would you like something? To drink? Would you like something to drink?" I ask awkwardly
"What do you have?" He asks, laughing a little
I walk into the kitchen because I suddenly forgot what we have to drink.
"We have...water, juice, lemonade and tea."
"Lemonade, please."
What is up with this guy? He's a lot different than the James I knew in high school.
I walk back into the dining room with his drink and see he already has a book, calculator, notebook and a pencil sprawled all over the table.
"It looks like you're ready to get down to business." I say
I sit in the chair next to him and look at the notebook he is scribbling in.
"That's a lot of numbers."
"It's actually very simple, it just depends on how it's taught. Our professors will just show it to us and then expect us to pick it up."
He jots down numbers and formulas and spends the next two hours trying to teach me.
Eventually I lay my pencil down and rub my eyes.
"What time is it?" I ask him
"Almost nine."
"I'm so sorry I kept you this long. It's just, I thought I was good at math until I stumbled upon this. I just can't stand not being able to wrap my mind around something. It drives me crazy."
"Ah," he says, running a hand through his hair, "a perfectionist."
"I wouldn't say that. I just don't like failing, especially when it comes to school."
"Perfectionism."
"I like to think of it as wanting to do well academically."
"Academic perfectionism." He says
"I guess you should be going. I really am sorry I kept you so late. It's Friday night, you probably wanted to go out with your friends."
"No," he says "I don't really go out that much. Or have that many friends."
"What?" I say sarcastically "You don't have a lot of friends? Mr. Popular?"
"I wasn't Mr. Popular. And high school friends don't really stick around. The real ones do, but some realize they can't gain anything from you now that you're out of the Social Chaos, so they leave." He yawns and stretches, "I guess I better get going. The manager of my apartment building doesn't like it when I come in late."
"You have an apartment?"
"Yeah, I live by myself in those apartments a few blocks from the bookstore."
"Must be nice."
He stops packing his bag and looks at me.
"Not really. You're lucky, you're constantly surrounded by people. You have the 'Oh my fuck' girl, you're family, and Luke."
"Not really. My mom is always working, Sarah has her own life, and Luke is always gone. I'm alone almost all day until Sarah has some free time. Don't you have any one?" I ask, even though I know I shouldn't
"I have my mom, but I haven't talked to her since I moved out."
That just feels like a punch in the face. I don't particularly like the guy, but I hate people being alone.
"Hey," I say as he goes to the door, "since we're going to be seeing a lot of each other until I get this thing down and it isn't even nine, do you want to go grab a bite to eat or some coffee?"
What am I doing?
"Um...sure." He says
I have absolutely no idea why I'm doing this but I am. I grab my keys and walk out the door.
"Do you want to drive or do you want me to?" He asks
"I'll drive." I say
He puts his bag in his car. Then we get in my car and drive to campus where there are a few restaurants and coffee shops. I forgot how busy downtown gets on Friday nights, so we end up parking in a parking lot and walking to a coffee shop.
We get our coffee and sit in a corner. I quietly sip on mine, looking around at every one.
"Isn't it weird how most people don't even drink coffee in the morning? A lot of people drink it at night."
"I've always thought that was weird." I say
We quietly sit there, looking around and drinking our coffee.
"Thank you." He says quickly
"It's no big deal." I say
"It is to me. People don't really ask to hang out with me."
"Well, we're going to be together anyway. Plus you seem like a pretty cool guy to be around."
"I told you I've changed since high school."
"Yeah, you have."
He pushes his glasses up at the corner.
"Are you okay?" I ask
"What? Yeah, why?"
"I don't know, it's just you push your glasses up a lot."
"Oh," he says, doing it again, "it's just a habit."
I just nod and drink some more.
"Are you still dating Luke?"
"I wouldn't say we're dating." I say
"What do you mean?" He asks
"It's complicated." I say, waving it off
"I haven't talked to him since that day." He says, staring out the window
"When he punched you?"
He nods, "He almost broke my nose, and he broke my glasses."
"Luke isn't usually like that. He just got flustered and frustrated. We were at this weird stage where we knew we liked each other but at the same time, we didn't know."
"Well, he must of gotten pretty damn flustered."
I look down at the coffee in my hands and back at him, "I'm really sorry about that."
"No," he says "I deserved it. I was being a pig about it. I would've punched myself in the face if I could have."
"I don't even really know what happened, except he punched you in the face."
"He confronted me about me...you know...liking you. I liked you a lot and I didn't deserve you, I was a pig who didn't really know how to treat a girl right. I said something, I can't quite remember what, but it was pretty rude to say."
"Do you-never mind." I get up to throw my cup away and walk out the door with him
"Do I still like you?" He asks "I don't really know. I think I grew out of it, no offense. When I saw you walk into work that first day, I felt a ping of dread because I knew I would be around you but you were off limits."
I really have no idea what to say. There's a boy in my car who just so happens to have liked me not that long ago. And I just so happen to have a boyfriend who just so happens to be the guy who punched him in the face. I haven't talked to any guys since Luke and I started dating.
We get to my house and he gets out. I expect him to go straight to his car, but he walks with me to my door. He stands there until I get my keys out, unlock the door, and open it.
"Thanks for taking me to get coffee." He says
"It's the least I can do. You're helping me with math, so a five dollar cup of coffee should be a good enough 'Thank you.'"
He laughs and flashes a crooked smile while putting his hands in his pocket. He lingers for a minute, like he wants to say something.
"See you next time." He turns around to leave, but I realize I have no idea when 'next time' is.
"Wait, when is next time?"
He turns around and shrugs, "Monday, I guess."
I watch him all the way to his car and stay at my front door and watch the red tail lights of his car disappear.
AN: You guys will probably want to grab your pitchforks and torches and form an angry mob to come to my house during the next few chapters but I promise, this will all get better
