Luke's POV:
"Luke, we need to talk." Calum says
"I don't think we need to talk about anything."
"Too bad, the rest of us do."
"Yeah, we feel like you're too distracted." Michael says
"No, I'm not distracted."
"Actually you are. When does our tour start?"
"I don't know, April?"
"Wrong, it was a trick question. We don't have our tour. We're still an opening act! We aren't getting anywhere because our 'leading man' is too busy having his head so far up his ass he can't see what's going on around him."
"That isn't true. And I'm not the leading man."
"Yes it is and we all know what is distracting you."
We all sit in silence.
"Is someone going to tell me?"
"It's that girl," Ashton says, "you're too busy being with her. Don't forget the people who were behind you before you were even on the verge of being famous."
"You're being ridiculous."
"No, we're being serious. If we don't get ourselves in order, they're going to stop wasting precious time and money on us."
"Get your shit in line and stop being an asshole." Michael says
"Think about everyone back at home," Calum says, "they were so happy for us. It sure would be a shame to have to go home and say you were the reason we didn't get anywhere."
"It was different when you were dating Mary. She didn't distract you and she knew there was a time to be lovey dovey and a time to hang back."
"Yeah, I know. You don't have to tell me."
"Just think about it." Ashton says, "Would you rather waste your time on some girl who probably doesn't even actually like you or would you rather live your dream?"
Mary's POV:
"I don't think she should see this." I hear Mom say
"Is there any way to keep her from seeing it on social media? There isn't?"
I creep back up the steps and go back to my room. I grab my phone and go on Instagram. At first I don't see what they're talking about, it's just normal stuff I see everyday. But then I scroll to a picture of Luke with someone. The next ten posts are all the same picture of him and someone. I read the caption on one of them: "I can't believe Luke has already gotten a girlfriend."
Girlfriend? If that's so then yeah, me neither. I see another comment under that one: "Does anyone know who she is?" And then another comment: "I'm not sure what her name is but I've heard she's a model or something." More comments: "How did they meet?" "Do you think she was maybe just his girlfriend back home and they're just now going out in public?"
I feel my heart drop to the floor and my stomach twist into a tight knot. How could he do this? Suddenly my shock turns into anger and hot tears start falling from my eyes. I can't see the picture clearly anymore, but I can still tell it is Luke. I walk downstairs and go to Mom.
"I saw it," I say, "I saw the picture."
"I'm sorry sweetie."
"Yeah, me too. I'm sorry I ever told him I loved him. I hate him. How could I have ever thought he'd come back to me? No, he went off to Los Angeles and found himself some model who probably thinks he's more famous than he really is. Fuck Luke Hemmings. Fuck him and everything he ever said or meant to me."
I feel the tears spill over onto my cheeks.
"Honey," she says in a soothing voice, "I'm so sorry."
"You don't understand how much of myself I put into that relationship! I gave it everything that was in me! Mom, I actually considered letting him be the one. I was so stupid! I hate him and myself!"
"Don't take it out on yourself. It's his loss."
"He left me in the dust for some model. Yeah, he's really losing a lot."
"Mary, stop. You're more beautiful than that girl will ever be. You don't rely on your looks to get you somewhere in life, you rely on your brain. You're so much more beautiful on the inside...and on the outside."
"Mom, that's just what people say to make themselves and others better. People don't fall in love with how you are on the inside. It's love at first sight."
"I don't care what you think, I'm telling you what I know. You are so much better than that girl. I bet she's a real bitch."
I look up at her.
"And I don't know if you have noticed, but you aren't. You don't love Luke for what he is, you love him for who he is. If he wasn't on the verge of becoming famous, she probably wouldn't want anything to do with him. She's just like that other girl. Don't beat yourself up about this. Now you go find yourself a boy who will treat you right. You can't hold yourself back."
She's right. I go back to my room and call James. I don't think I should tell him about this, it would hurt him if he thought this was the reason I wanted to go out with him again.
"Hello?"
"Hey, it's me."
"Hey, it's been a while."
"Yeah, it has. Hey, um, last time we talked you asked when you could see me again. I was wondering if you would want to do something."
"Yeah sure. When?"
"Tomorrow night?"
"That sounds great."
"Perfect."
"Hey, listen. I wanted to talk to you about what happened last time-"
"No, it's ok. We can just talk about it tomorrow."
"I'll see you tomorrow."
"Okay."
"Okay."
"Bye."
"Bye."
*
We decided to just stay at his place. I'm fine with that because I like just sitting with him and talking instead of going out somewhere. I knock on his door and step back. He doesn't answer. I knock again and wait. He answers, not wearing a shirt, again.
"Seriously? This is like the third time."
"Sorry, I couldn't decide what to wear."
"Let's start with a shirt."
"No, like, I didn't know what shirt. I mean, is a hoodie appropriate for this? Or should I be wearing something that isn't so casual?"
"You could have thrown on some sweatpants, I didn't dress up." I say, motioning to my clothes
He throws on a gray t-shirt and some jeans. He comes back in the living room and we stand there, neither of us wanting to address the elephant in the room.
"So..." he says
"So..."
We slowly inch our way towards each other.
"Listen, about the other night...I'm really sorry. It was too soon and I shouldn't have tried to kiss you."
"Technically you didn't try to kiss me, you actually did."
"Let's just throw the technicalities out the window. I really am sorry. But it made me feel even more horrible when you left. You closed your door and I stood there, feeling just...awful."
"I'm sorry about running off like that, I just got scared."
"Of what?"
"I don't know...it had just been a while. I guess I was just scared of liking someone again."
"Don't make yourself go out with me if you don't like me. I wouldn't want you to do that."
"I mean...I'm not saying I don't like you."
"Then...what's the problem?"
I sit down on his couch and he sits down with me.
"I don't know," I say, crossing my arms, "I think I'm the problem."
He doesn't say anything, probably because I seem like a ticking time bomb lately and he is afraid to clip the wrong wire.
"Was it the kiss?" He asks after a long period of silence
I look over at him.
"What do you mean?"
"The kiss. Is that what scared you?"
"I don't...I don't know."
"I'm sorry if that was it."
"No, that wasn't bad."
I stare at his floor and we seem to silently agree to not talk for a while.
"Did you like it?" He asks shyly
"What?"
"Did you like it?"
"I don't know."
"You wouldn't tell me if you did...blink once if you liked it."
I blink before I realize what he said.
"I knew it."
"That isn't fair, you caught me off guard. I honestly don't know."
Silence, again.
"Maybe I should remind you."
I look at him out of the corner of my eye.
"Just so you can remember and we can both know."
"Why not?" I say, shrugging, "It won't hurt anything."
"Okay. But I can't right at this moment, it has to feel natural."
"Okay, fine."
He faces me, closes his eyes, and takes a deep breath.
I feel like saying something, but I don't think right now is the appropriate time for sarcasm.
He opens one eye while keeping the other squeezed shut.
"My eyes are open." I say
"Okay, just checking."
He sits up straight and takes another deep breath. I'm starting to wonder how long his pre-kiss prep is going to last when I see him slowly make his way towards me.
His lips touch mine and I feel the energy of the kiss shoot through me, just like it did last time. My stomach somersaults about a million times. I feel a smile form on my lips but quickly put my poker face on.
"So?"
"Well," I say, clearing my throat, "that was fun."
He looks at me through squinted eyes, "You liked it."
"You don't know that."
"Yeah, I do. I felt you smile."
I don't really know what to say so I try to change the subject.
"So, what do you want to do?"
"I don't know, it's up to you." He says, either not noticing me trying to change the subject or just not mentioning it
"It's your house."
"So?"
"I don't know, it sounded like something I should say."
"Oh yeah, I have something for you in my room." He says
"Okay."
He starts walking to his room but turns around halfway there.
"You can come if you want."
I follow him to his room and suddenly realize how big his apartment is.
"You know, this apartment is pretty big for just one person."
"Yeah, I know. This was the only apartment I could find that didn't require a million repairs. Plus it was the cheapest place I could find that didn't always have caution tape or chalk outlines around it."
"Um...okay."
"It was a joke." He says, stopping and turning around
"Oh."
"I guess when I started looking for a place, I wanted to find somewhere that could accommodate two people just in case I ever found someone to live with."
He opens a door to a gray room. Not everything is gray, but the walls are. It's just a plain, simple room. There's a bed in the corner with nothing but white sheets and a pillow on it, a desk and a bookshelf.
"I just finished this and I thought you might like to read it too."
"Oh, thanks."
"It's nothing. It just seems like you love books so..."
"Yeah, I do."
I look around as we stand together in his room.
"I like your room." I say, feeling the need to say something
"Thanks, there's not much in here now. I have a few things I need to hang on the wall but I haven't gotten around to it."
"That's pretty much how my life goes."
He lets out a little laugh and stares at the floor.
"We do this a lot, don't we?"
"Yeah, we do."
He sits down on his bed and puts his head in his hands.
"I'm sorry. I just don't really know what to talk about with you. I'm afraid I'll say something stupid. Like just now."
I sit down next to him.
"That's okay, you don't always have to talk to someone when you're with them. Sometimes you can just sit together."
"Yeah, I guess you're right."
We sit in silence for a few more minutes and I feel his hand start to inch towards mine. I lace my fingers with his and we just sit there together. I look down at our hands.
"You know, you're much more tan than I am." I say
He tilts his head to the side and looks at our hands too.
"Yeah, I am."
"I never notice how pale I am until I'm around tan people."
"Then I guess I never realize how tan I am until I'm around pale people." He says, looking over at me
I smile at him and he smiles back. I realize how much I miss doing things like this. Just sitting with someone, holding hands and talking. I know I shouldn't be comparing him to Luke, but he makes me feel like I felt with Luke: warm, loved, full and wanted.
"You never told me if you liked that kiss." He says out of the blue
"I thought I did."
"No, you just changed the subject."
"Oh...I don't know, it wasn't bad."
"But did you like it?"
I don't really know how to express how I felt about it. I hesitate at first, but then I slowly lean in and kiss him. When our lips touch, I feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
"I take that as a 'yes.'"
I nod and kiss him again. He fills the space between us with his body. His left hand finds it's way to my waist and he props himself up with his right.
I know I shouldn't be doing this right now and that I shouldn't even be here. But who cares? I'm a single, grown woman and I can be wherever I want and kiss whoever I want.
"Wait," he says
"What's wrong?"
"I don't know if we should be doing this yet. I don't want to rush this."
"Do you think we're rushing this?"
"I don't know, do you?"
"Not really. We've been friends for the past year or so, so I think this pace is okay. We don't have to wait a year before we kiss...we've already kissed four times."
"So, we are dating."
"I don't know if you would call it dating."
He stands up in front of me.
"I don't want it to happen too fast."
"Me neither," I say, "the last relationship I was in happened so fast we were talking about getting married before we had even graduated from high school. And you see how it ended."
"No, that isn't what I mean...I don't know what I mean. It's just...I'm fine with this pace, I really am, but I don't want us to rush because of you. I don't know if you're ready for another relationship." He says, looking down at the floor
"James, it's been long enough...Luke has someone else."
He looks up, "Are you serious?"
"Yeah, I saw pictures of them a while back."
"Oh. I'm sorry."
"Don't be. It was bound to happen, right?"
"It was just a little quick, don't you think?"
"Yeah, it was. But I guess he is happy. Even though it breaks my heart, I'm glad he's happy."
He wraps his arms around me.
"I'm sorry."
We sit there, his arms around me, my head on his shoulder.
"That's not the reason you wanted to come over here, is it? To get back at Luke?"
"No, not at all. I just decided that if he is seeing other people, I should be able to see other people."
"Promise?"
"I promise."
Luke's POV:
"What do you want to do today?"
"I don't know."
"Come on, Luke. You have to do something besides sleeping all day."
"I can't. I don't feel like doing anything."
"You always sleep in. You never want to do anything with me. At least go for a walk."
"I don't know."
"Stop being so lazy."
"I'm not being lazy, I just don't feel good today."
"I don't care, you're going out with me."
I sit up.
"I already told you, I don't feel good."
"Fine, I'll go out and do something by myself."
"Fine."
I plop back down and stare at the ceiling. Why doesn't she understand that sometimes I just don't feel like going out and walking around. I always have to have a reason for everything I do and feel.
Mary never did that. She understood me.
This isn't the time to be thinking about her. It's been months...she's probably moved on.
It's hard, I still miss her. The way she got me, she knew what I felt even if I didn't say it. I feel my eyes start to sting. I let the tears roll out of the corners of my eyes and onto my pillow. I need to cry right now, it's been a while since I have. I've been spending most of my time thinking and writing songs about her. I think of her and I feel the pain and all the things I know I should have said. I dated her for four years and I probably told her I loved her a thousand times but only showed her I loved her a few times.
It all becomes too much. I start thinking about her even more. I close my eyes, hoping sleep will come to relieve me from my thoughts, but I only think of her more. I can't breathe. I hate myself for this. No matter how hard I try, I'll never let her go. I could date a thousand girls and I could never let her slip away.
I have to fix this. I can't go on pretending I don't miss her. I can't call her, I need to see her and talk to her in person. The minute I get home, I'm going straight to her and fixing things.
Mary's POV:
"You did what?"
"I kissed him...multiple times."
"Woah,woah,woah. So you kissed him?"
"Actually the first time he kissed me. Then he kissed me so I could tell him if I liked it. Then I kissed him to show him I did. Then we kind of just kissed each other."
"You kissed four times?"
"Yeah."
"Oh my fuck! Do you know what this means?"
"That we've kissed a lot?"
"He likes you, you like him. You've kissed. There's only one place this can go."
"Not necessarily. What if he just likes the 'normal' me and not the 'relationship' me?"
"There's only one way to find out. Get into a relationship with him and if he dumps you, you'll know."
"So I'm going to put myself at risk of getting dumped just so I can know whether he likes the 'relationship' me?"
"Exactly."
"Why?"
"Come on, you have to put yourself out there. You have to risk getting dumped or getting your heart broken. Otherwise you'll stay single all your life. Life is too short to fear rejection."
"I think I'm good. I'll let him make the first move."
"When is the next time you're going to talk to him?"
"I don't know. Why?"
Sarah grabs my phone.
"You don't know my password."
"I can just use my fingerprint. You put it in there for emergencies, remember?"
"Crap."
She goes to my contacts and calls him.
"Wait, what are you doing?"
"I'm taking the initiative and getting you a boyfriend."
"I said I'd rather let him make the first move."
"I know. That's what he is going to do."
She lets him pick up and then hangs up.
"What was that for?"
"It's kind of like when you turn to a guy and say 'You know what? Never mind.'"
"But what was the point?"
"You can just say that you accidentally called him. Then he'll start thinking about you. Who knows, he might end up asking you out."
"Well that's wishful thinking."
"Or it could work. You could make the first move."
A few minutes later the phone rings and she snatches it up before I can answer.
"Hello?"
Silence.
"Oh, she isn't able to get to the phone right now. But we were just talking about you."
Silence.
"Nothing bad. We were just talking about your relationship."
"What are you doing?"
Silence.
"Really? I think that would be a good thing to do."
Silence.
"Well, Mary was just wondering if you would like to go out Saturday."
Silence.
"Sounds great! I'll tell her."
She hangs up.
"What the hell was that?"
"Wow, you're swearing."
"Why did you do that? What did he say?"
"You have a date on Saturday."
"Where?"
"I have absolutely no idea, but it's a date!"
"What if I don't want to go?"
"Too bad."
"Okay, fine."
*
I walk to the park, which is where he said to meet him.
I see him sitting on a bench by himself, so I walk up behind him.
"Hi." I say
"Hey." He says, turning around
"Sorry about Sarah." I say, rocking back and forth with my hands in my pockets
"That's okay, she was actually pretty funny. I see why you're friends with her."
"Yeah."
"Can we talk?"
"Sure."
I sit down next to him, leaving enough room to say, 'I'm interested but I just don't want to sit in your lap.'
"So..."
"So..."
"I uh, I thought maybe we could talk about a few things. Clear the air and all."
"Yeah, that seems like something we need to do."
I put my hand down on the bench in the space between us.
"I like you...a lot."
"I like you too."
"I'm not good at these things. I was just thinking that maybe we could make this permanent."
"Us?"
"Yeah. I want this. Even if it's only for a few months."
"I want this too." I say
"Will you go out with me? Please?" He says, putting his hand on top of mine
I think about it for a few minutes.
"Yes."
"Then it's official. In hopes of you saying yes, I brought this." He says, picking up a picnic basket and sitting it on his lap
"A picnic?"
"Yep. Our first official date."
We find a quiet spot away from everyone and sit down.
"You know, we're really weird." I say
"What do you mean?"
"We knew of each other's existence for years and never spoke. You liked me and got punched in the face. Then we end up working together and you still liked me. I showed no interest in you until recently. I mean, I thought you were okay in high school, but it was kind of a one way thing because I was dating him.We broke up and then boom, two months later we're sitting here in a park, holding hands. I just don't get it."
"Yeah," he says, leaning back against a tree, "that is kind of bizarre."
"I'm going to be honest with you. I didn't even really like you when we worked together."
"I know. But I kept hoping."
We talk and joke and I start to feel like everything is going to be okay. I feel the hole from Luke leaving start to slowly fill up. I realize I'm not going to be lonely anymore and things are going to get better.
AN: If you guys are liking these chapters, please make sure to vote/comment so I know to keep doing what I'm doing :-) (throws a subtle 5sos reference in there for ya.)
