Luke's POV:
"Ah, home sweet home." Ashton says as we walk into the airport
"I know, I was starting to think we'd never come home." I say
"Michael!" I hear Audrey squeal
We all turn around and see her running towards him. He drops his stuff and catches her, wrapping his arms around her and picking her up.
"I missed you so much!" She says
"I missed you too!" He says, kissing her
I watch them, happy they're back together, but I feel a pang in my heart.
"Hi Luke!" She says
"Hi Audrey." I say. I slowly and awkwardly walk away because I don't know how much more I can watch. It reminds me of how much I miss her right now. Last time we came home, she was here, waiting for me.
I walk over to Mom and Dad.
"Hey Mom. Hey Dad." I say, hugging both of them at the same time
"Oh Luke, we missed you so much!" Mom says
"Yeah," Dad says, "we were starting to think those Californians had convinced you to stay."
"No, they could never do that. It's good to be back."
Audrey and Michael split and we get in the car. I haven't told Mom and Dad about us yet, but Audrey knows.
"So, Luke. Where was Mary at? I didn't see her with you."
"Audrey didn't tell you?" I say, looking at Dad who is looking at me through the rear view mirror
"Tell us what?"
"We broke up."
"What?" Mom says
"Yeah." I say in a dull tone
"When?"
"A few months ago...four months, two weeks and one day, actually. It wasn't long after we went back."
"I'm sorry. Do you think you will fix things?" She asks me
"I don't know. Maybe...I hope so."
"You better," she says, turning around and looking at me, "that girl was the best thing that ever happened to you."
"Yeah, she was."
Mary's POV:
"Ash!" I squeal when I see him walk up the sidewalk
"Sis!" He says as I run to him and hug him
"You grew your hair out!" I say, flicking a curl
"Yeah, so did you." He jokes
"Hey Calum, hey Michael!" I say, waving to the car Ashton just got out of
"Hey Mary!" They both call after rolling their windows down
"See you guys next week." Ashton says, waving back to them
We turn around and walk up the sidewalk. He puts his arm around my shoulder as we walk.
"So, how's life been, sis?"
"Pretty good. Since when did you call me sis? You haven't called me that since we were in grade school."
"I don't know. Is Mom here?"
"She had to work last night, but she will be him in a bit. I'm sorry I couldn't pick you up. Mom's car broke down and she had to take mine to work."
"It's fine, riding home cramped in the backseat with Michael and Calum is totally my idea of fun."
"Shut up. What did you want me to do, hot wire a car and pick you up? Then we would have had to deal with the cops and imagine all the paper work."
"I missed you, smart ass."
"That reminds me: thanks for calling me a smart ass on television."
"Oh, no problem. It was my pleasure."
"Yeah, I know."
I help him put his things up and he starts to yawn.
"Why don't you go take a nap? You had a long flight."
"Okay, I will."
"I'll be here until Mom gets home. Then I have to go get my stuff."
"What do you mean?"
I had forgotten that Ashton doesn't know about me moving in with James. He actually doesn't even know I'm dating him.
"I uh...I don't live here anymore. I'm...seeing someone and I moved in with him."
"Oh, do I know him?"
"I don't think so. But I told him I'm going to stay here for a week or two because you're back in town."
"How nice of you." He says
"I want us to do things together. I miss us going out and doing sibling things."
"Me too."
He goes to his room and I sit down on the couch and turn on the TV. I don't even watch what's on, I just stare at the wall. Mom walks in and taps me in the shoulder.
"Hey you." she says, putting the keys beside me on the couch, "Is Ash home?"
"Yeah, he went up to take a nap about an hour ago."
"Okay, I'll let him wake up on his own."
"I'm going to go get my stuff. Be right back."
I grab the keys and slip my shoes on. Hopefully I won't run into Luke while I'm out and about.
I unlock the door and walk into the living room. It seems quiet...too quiet. I walk to our room and the door is shut, as always. My hand hovers above the doorknob because I don't want to open the door. Of course the first thing that crosses my mind is I'm going to walk in on him with someone else. It's possible. I mean, I haven't let him fool around with me so he might have someone else.
I feel my heart start to race as I turn the doorknob and I hold my breath. I look at the bed and he's sitting there on his computer. I was just being paranoid.
"Oh, hey!" He says
"Hi."
"Is your brother home yet?" He asks while standing up and wrapping his arms around me
"Yeah, he got home a few hours ago. What have you been doing?"
"Not much," He says while resting his head on my shoulder, "Are you getting your stuff now?"
"Mhm." I say, walking into the bathroom and grabbing my toothbrush
"How long are you going to be at your Mom's house?"
"A week or two. I mean, my one and only brother did just come home after being away for a long time."
He wraps his arms around me again, puts his head on my shoulder and begins swaying us back and forth.
"Does he know about us?" He asks after a few minutes of us just standing there
"Ashton?"
"Yeah."
"I just told him I'm seeing someone and I moved in with him."
"Does he know who I am?"
"I didn't tell him."
I go over to my bag and zip it up. He stands there watching me get ready to leave.
"Can I kiss you? Just to hold me until you come back?"
I nod and drop my bag to walk over to him. I wrap my arms around his neck and look at him.
"It's not like I'm leaving to go to another country. I'm literally twenty minutes away."
He looks down at me and his eyes light up.
"What?" I ask
"Nothing." He says, smiling
I tilt my head and my lips get halfway to his but I stop.
"You know, you won't have anyone to kiss for two weeks... Maybe three. That's an awful long time considering you kiss me everyday," I say
"What are you implying?" He says, raising his eyebrows
"Oh, nothing. Remember that day you did those push ups?"
"How could I forget? Why do-"
I don't let him finish his sentence before I smash my lips into his.
"Oh." He says
"Mhm. I feel like I should at least leave you with something."
I move my hands down to his chest and I can feel his muscles through his shirt. I tilt my head the other way, trying to kiss him as much as I can. His hands make their way to the small of my back and he pulls me closer to him. Then I feel his hands move to the front of my body and start to work their way up.
"Ah ah ah," I say, pushing his hands down to my waist, "keep it down here."
He turns us around so I'm closer to the bed now. I walk backwards and he walks forwards until my legs hit the bed and I fall back. His hands leave my waist again and go up again. After a few minutes I remember where I was going.
"I gotta go." I say
"Okay. I'll miss you."
I look back at him and then walk out. I'm such a terrible person. I get him like that and then I just leave. I had to before anything happened. Plus, it always seems like we do the same things. We hug, we kiss, he tries to touch my boobs, we make out and then it's over.
When Luke and I were dating, it would be different every time because we didn't make out so much. That seems to be all James and I do these days. I know, I shouldn't be comparing them, but I can't help it. Luke's good at making out. Some days he would be kind of shy about it and other days he'd take total control. One day he'd be trying to give me hickies and the next time he'd not even try. And the lip ring!Dear God, don't get me started about the lip ring!
Young lady you need to stop.
Maybe that's why I think about Luke so much when I'm with James. Luke was different. He was about talking and being together with the occasional make out session. Lately James has been all about making out 24/7.
I get home and go up to my room. It's almost the exact same way I left it except my clothes are gone and some of my things are gone. It feels weird to be back here. It kind of feels like I'm in a hotel instead of my room.
I'm nervous about seeing Luke, but he'll probably spend a lot of time with his family. If I were in his place, I'd be spending as much time as I could with my family after being away for so long.
I hear a knock on my door.
"Come in." I say, tossing my pills on my bed
"Hey," Ashton says, "I was starting to worry."
"Sorry, there were a few traffic jams."
"Oh," he looks down at my bed and picks the bottle up, "ah, the pills."
"Yeah..." I say
"I had to take these a while back, towards the beginning of high school...they suck."
"Yeah, they do. When I first started taking them, they made me feel sick and I was all over the place. They messed up my emotions pretty bad."
"You're taking them properly, aren't you?"
"Yeah. Sometimes it will slip my mind, but I'm pretty good about taking them." It was only a partial lie.
"If you stop taking them, you start to feel like shit."
"Yeah, I know."
"Okay, I was just making sure you knew. Do you want to do something tomorrow?"
"Like what?"
"I don't know, just something for us to have some brother-sister bonding time."
"Sure."
Luke's POV:
"Hey, there's a box up in your room for you." Audrey quietly tells me
"From who?"
"It's just a box. For you. Under your bed."
"Okay?"
I go up and sure enough, there's a box under my bed. I pull it out and sit it on my bed. It's closed, so I open it. It's a box of stuff...my stuff. Bracelets, pictures, clothes...basically half of everything I own is in this box. There's a folded piece of paper placed on top of the stuff and I can see ink. I unfold it and immediately recognize her handwriting: The neat letters squished into words and the smudges of purple ink every now and then that she always gets when she writes. I bet the whole side of her hand was purple by the end of this letter. I smile at the thought of her always having those smudges whether she was writing or drawing.
I decide to read the letter before I go through the things.
Dear Luke,
I guess we just ended things, so here's some of your stuff that you left at my place. I didn't want to just drop off a box of stuff on your doorstep. So I'm writing this letter for you.
Oh Lucas, you know I'm not good at these things so I'll just keep it short and sweet. I just want you to know that I love you...I don't think I'll ever stop. Yeah, we ended things, but there will always be a special place in my heart for you no matter who else comes into my life. You're going to meet people and I'm going to meet people, but you can't forget someone who changed your life. Before I really knew you, you were just a guy who came and played music in my garage. I was so unhappy and empty. When you first told me you loved me, it was the best day of my life. I finally felt like I had some kind of meaning, I wasn't a waste of space anymore.
I'll admit, I haven't been able to go into that garage or look out my window at the roof without thinking of you. I'll hear a song that reminds me of you and all the memories come flooding back.
By the time you read this, things will probably change. But that's how the world works: Things change and so do people.
When we started dating, we were kids. We didn't realize how much we were going to be put through. We didn't realize what distance can do to some people. But sometimes distance makes the heart grow fonder. (I sound so cheesy.) I think I realized I love you enough to let you go. Even though we haven't seen each other in a while, we need some time apart. If we venture out into the world and mature, I think we can make this work down the road.
We're not giving up, we're just taking a break. How long will this break last? I have no idea.
Just please remember that I love you and this isn't easy for me either. It breaks my heart to say this, but goodbye Luke.
Love, Mary P.S. I'm keeping that hoodie, it's too soft to let go
I can't really process what she said. Did she really say she still loves me? And that we might be able to work things out in the future?
Did she really steal my hoodie?
I don't know how to react right now. I'm feeling confused, happy, upset, let down and hopeful. There's a chance of us getting back together, yet there isn't a chance. How the hell does that work?
I decide that while we're figuring things out, she should have her stuff back. I go to my drawer and dump all of it's contents onto my bed. There's all kind of things: bobby pins, hair ties, bracelets, random small trinkets that she's either given me or left here over the years. I hate to give them back, but I put them in the box. I sit the box down in the corner of my room. It will probably never be moved again.
Mary's POV:
"Come on Mary!" Ashton yells
He's been home for a week and it's been great. I feel like we're back in the days when we were just kids and always did things together.
We decided to go to our usual "bonding place," aka the frozen yogurt shop. I don't know why, but my brother sure does love frozen yogurt.
"So, my precious little sister is dating a guy I don't know and also happens to be living with him."
"Pretty much." I say, playing with my yogurt
"Are you sure I don't know him?"
"I don't know...you might."
"What's his name?"
"James Cabot."
He freezes.
"No."
"Yeah."
"Tall guy? Glasses? Your age?"
"Yeah, why?"
"He's such a dickhead!" He groans while sinking down in his seat
"So you do know him? How?"
He sits up and leans over the table.
"My Senior year I had to take Pre-Calculus. He was one of the few Juniors in my class and he never shut up. He thought he was the shit and was so damn cocky and arrogant. I could never stand the guy. He chased after almost every girl. He even hit on our teacher just to try to raise his 95 to a 96. Total prick."
"Yeah but he's changed."
"Believe me, people like that never change."
"We've been dating for months now and he hasn't seemed...dickish."
"Yeah but give him time, he'll start to be just your average fuckboy, or something close to it. He'll want to do nothing but make out and he'll start saying things. Please promise me that you won't take any of his bullshit."
"I know how to take care of myself."
"I know, I just had to say it because it was a big brother thing to say."
We both slowly eat our yogurt in silence.
"Ash, can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
"How has Luke been acting?"
"You mean after everything happened?"
I nod my head.
"Well, when you guys first broke up he was pretty torn up about it. He would lock himself away somewhere and not come out for days. We had to force him to eat. Then one day he was a different person and had moved on. He picked up this girl and they weren't dating but they almost were. It went on for a few months and then she started bitching at him all the time. There at the end, he started to get down again because he started missing you again...she didn't help. She didn't understand and always had to have all of his attention. We had to call him out a few times because of it."
"He missed me?"
"Of course he missed you. You were his life."
"I was so angry with him when I found out about her."
"Yeah, I was too. He promised me he'd never hurt you and that's exactly what he did. I wanted to punch him in the face so many times."
"But I'm okay now."
"Are you really?"
"Yeah...I am."
"No you aren't."
"How could you possibly know that?"
"Mary, I've known you your whole life and you're basically my best friend. I know you aren't okay with this."
"What do you mean?" I ask, surprised he thinks he knows what's going on inside my head
"You aren't okay and neither is Luke. You're both hurt by this, so you tried to seek refuge with someone else. You aren't dating James because you love him and Luke doesn't love that other girl."
"How do you know I don't love-"
"When was the last time you told him you loved him?"
I realize what he's saying and don't say anything.
"Have you even told him you love him?"
"Well, no."
"Do you ever think, 'Man, I really love this guy?'"
"I don't...know."
"Has he told you he loves you?"
"Once."
"And how did you feel?"
"I didn't feel anything."
"Do you, or did you, love Luke?"
"Yes."
"How many times did he tell you that?"
"Probably a million times."
"And how did you feel?"
"I felt the same way."
"Did you ever tell Luke you loved him?"
"Yes, lots of times."
"Luke's 'I love yous' made you feel different than when James says it. To you his 'I love yous' are empty and meaningless."
"Okay...maybe you do know what's going on in my head."
"There's no 'maybe' about it. You got hurt and there was a small, empty hole somewhere inside of you so you both rushed to fill it."
"Okay...what do you suggest, Mr. Love Expert?"
"I suggest you both get your shit together and make up. Yell at each other, fight, cry, make up. Let all the emotions loose and tell each other what you really think."
Luke's POV:
"Michael. Michael?"
"Hello?" He answers, groggy from sleep, "Is Audrey okay?"
"Yeah, she's perfectly fine. I need to talk to you."
"It's 3 am!"
"I can't sleep...I've been thinking all night."
"I'm actually not staying up all night and I'm sleeping like a normal human being! What the hell could you possibly want?"
"When we got home last week, I had a box of stuff from her and there was a letter."
"Okay?"
"No, it's what the letter said. I need you to read it."
"Okay, I'll read it tomorrow."
"No I need you to read it now."
"Alright, I'll be over in a few."
"Come to the back door, it isn't as loud."
"Okay."
I walk down to the back door and wait for him. I pace back and forth, holding the letter in my hand and fold it and then unfold it then fold it again.
I hear him quietly knock and open the door.
"Where is this oh so important letter?"
"It's right here," I say, handing it to him, "read it."
"I don't have mother fucking night vision, Luke."
"Fine, we'll go up to my room where you can use my light. If anyone sees a light on down here they'll come see what's going on. I don't need a bunch of people knowing my business."
I walk up stairs and he follows me. I quietly pass Audrey's room but he stops and looks through the open door.
"Come on!" I whisper
"Just checking on her."
We finally get to my room and I lock the door even though everyone is asleep. He sits down and reads the letter. I pace back and forth as he makes his way to the bottom of the page.
"Can you stop doing that? It's making me nervous."
"Sorry, I'm just really anxious. This could be my chance to get her back."
He finishes reading and hands me the paper.
"So? What do you think?"
He rubs his eyes and looks at me.
"I think this can wait until morning."
"No, it can't."
"Fine. I think you should grow a pair and chase after her. Get her back. I told you the minute you step off the plane you need to try to talk to her. Don't rush her."
"But I don't know if right now is a good time."
"Listen, fuckstick. She makes you happy and you're miserable right now. I think it's a good time."
"That's the second time you've called me that."
"Because that's what you're acting like right now."
"What if she doesn't take me back when I ask her?"
"Ask her again and again. Don't give up. Listen, she's a great girl and you aren't going to be able to find someone else like her."
I spend the next hour talking to him and planning how I'm going to do this. When he leaves, I walk downstairs with him to lock the door.
"One more thing."
"What?"
"Can I be the best man?"
"We'll see. Let's get her to say yes first."
Mary's POV:
I've reluctantly moved back to James' apartment. Ever since I talked to Ashton, I've been thinking: Do I really love him?
He got a new job so he's gone a lot more. I don't really have anything to do, so I decide to do some housework.
I hear a knock on the door. That's strange, hardly anyone knocks on our door.
I open it, expecting it to be James because he lost his key or something, but it's Luke.
"Long time no see." He says
"Luke." I barely whisper
"I stopped by your house, but your mom said you moved out a few months ago."
"Yes, I did."
"I'm glad you finally got out on your own. I know you like to be independent."
"What are you doing here?"
"I see you've stopped answering my calls and texts, so I thought I'd just swing by and tell you thanks for all my stuff. I'll drop yours off at your mom's house for you."
He starts walking down the hallway but then stops and turns around.
"By the way," he says, "that's an awful big apartment for just one person."
He walks to the elevator and gets in. Then he turns around, presses the button and looks directly at me until the doors shut.
He can be such an asshole sometimes. He thinks I'm hurting him by moving on? At least I waited instead of picking someone up in a bar somewhere three weeks later. He thinks he got the last word, but this isn't the end of this.
*
I drive to Luke's house, angry because he showed up and said that.
I walk up to his door and don't even bother to knock. When I open the door, there's no one in the living room so I go up to his room. I bust through the door and he scurries off his bed to stand up.
"What are you doing here?"
"I'm here because I'm pissed!"
"Why are you pissed?"
"Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's because you show up and you're all of a sudden an asshole!"
"I'm sorry. I just got a little carried away."
"Carried away? Carried away?"
"I saw that you were with someone else and I got angry."
"That doesn't give you the right to be a fuckface!"
"That's the second time." He says quietly
"What?"
"Nothing. Who is he, anyway?"
"James."
"I should have fucking known."
"He makes me happy."
He looks down at his lap, "I thought I made you happy."
We look at each other and I move to another subject.
"If anyone should be angry, it's me! We break up and a few weeks later I see you with some girl. Do you know how upset that made me?"
"Woah. Let me just tell you why-"
"The second I saw that picture my fucking heart broke! I was so angry and upset. It felt like my world had ended. I stayed in my room and hated everything. I hated you! Does she even care about you? Does she just make you forget about the person who cared for and loved you? Remember when you wrecked your car? You were okay and only hurt your back but my heart stopped when I found out. I sat in that hospital after they told me what was wrong and waited for you to wake up so I could see your smile again. Remember when you had that break down? I dropped everything I was doing to rush over to you because I didn't want anything bad to happen!"
He sits down, looking wounded.
"Please listen to me."
"I don't know if I should." I say, crossing my arms over my chest
"Trust me, you need to."
I stand in front of him with my arms still crossed.
"Yes, I moved on too fast. But I felt empty, okay? I needed some way to fill that void. But I want you back...I need you. I showed up at your house with no bad intentions but I was angry. So, I kind of had to be like that."
"You still didn't need to be an asshole about it."
"You know, you're so damn stubborn sometimes."
"Just like you."
I stand there and he sits there, neither of us looking away.
"I can tell you're wanting to go off. So come on, let it all out."
I tap my foot and try to not blow up but I can feel the heat rushing to my face.
"I just can't take this anymore! I just want things to go back to normal. I miss when you didn't have to go off for long periods of time. I just want Luke Hemmings back!"
"I am Luke Hemmings."
"No you're not. Look at you! Since when did you dress like that? You used to shave and you hated having a beard. You're different. You aren't the same Luke. You've changed and I'm not sure if I like it."
"No, I haven't changed. My appearance might have, but I haven't." He says in a soothing voice
"I'm just so frustrated! I don't know how to feel. I miss you but then I don't! I hate you so much for hurting me. Sometimes I love you and then sometimes I don't! Fuck you!"
I run my hands through my hair and start to pace, trying to release some of the energy that has suddenly come over my body.
"Hey," he stands up and walks over to me
I keep pacing.
"Hey," he says again, "are you okay?"
"Yeah," I say, running a shaking hand through my hair again, "I'm fine. How could you do this to me?"
He steps back, confused.
"Do what to you?"
I pace some more and then stop.
"I don't know."
"Are you okay? You're jumping all over the place."
"Yeah, I'm fine. I must have skipped taking my pills today. They calm me down."
"You need those." He whispers
"I know."
He places his hands on my shoulders and his eyes scan over my face.
"Then please take them. I want you to be happy. Let's make a deal. I'll start being Luke again if you start being Mary again. But in order for you to be Mary again, you need to take those pills."
"Okay," I say, suddenly realizing I'm crying and wiping away the tears, "but I don't think we should get back into things yet."
"No, I want you to get back to normal before we try again."
I collapse on his bed.
"I'm just so tired. I feel like crap and I've been getting upset over the stupidest things. When I stayed at Mom's house, I called the washing machine a motherfucking cocksucker because it stopped in the middle of the cycle. I don't even swear that much and I called the washing machine a cocksucker."
I hear him laugh a little.
"What?" I ask, looking over at him
"I can just imagine you swearing at a washing machine."
We sit in one of our comfortable silences.
"I'm sorry. I really was all over the place. I barged in here and started telling but I couldn't stay on one topic. Then I got frustrated and then I started crying."
"It happens."
I stare at the ceiling.
"Does he really make you happy?"
"I don't...I don't know."
"I made you happy." He simply says
"Yes, you did."
We stare at the ceiling some more.
"We're so fucking crazy." He says
"We're fighting one minute, kissing the next. We don't talk for months after breaking up and I'm here laying on your bed."
"That letter..." He says after another period of silence
"I meant every word. I think we've matured enough."
"We just have to get back to normal."
"Yeah, we do."
"It's going to get better."
