I Can't Cope (COMPLETED)

Chapter 11 - Emily

The doorbell goes. It's probably Riley coming back from dance - I hope her solo went okay. To be honest, she probably doesn't understand why I am so interested in her dancing. I just love to watch her, I think she is underestimated by so many people - and by herself, too. Also, I guess it's my only remaining connection to dance, because I can't do it myself, and I don't know whether I'll ever do it again.

The doctors said I'll be fine after about 8 months or so, but it's been 7, and I still feel no better. If anything, it's got worse. I don't really mention it, because everybody else has their own problems to deal with, and I don't want to be a burden. Some days it gets really bad though. Sometimes I cry. I don't understand, it really, really hurts - but I get used to it - so I shouldn't cry over it. So I don't think it's just the pain of my knee - but what else would it be? I've accepted no-one at The Next Step (apart from Riley) cares about me, and now I'm moving on. So it can't be that - can it?

Remembering that there's someone at the door, I get up and turn off the TV. Since when did my life turn into this? A repetitive cycle of TV, food and this online tutor thing. It's not like there's anything else I can do: I only just manage to hobble over to the front door before my leg gives way. It's so limiting, I wish I didn't need everyone helping me out and fussing over me all the time - I like to feel in control and I really don't feel like that right now. I slowly open the door using the door handle, which I grip tightly to pull myself up again.

I open the door to see James and Riley.

"Hey, Em!"

"Hey, Riley! How did the audition-"

"You took your time!" James butts in, smiling. Riley elbows him in the ribs and mutters, "James, shut up. She injured her knee, you know!"

"James, why are you here?" I ask. "I thought you and Riley were going to go out and do something..."

"Yeah, we are. Riley just wanted to take a shower first."

"Okay. I think there are some biscuits in the tin and some juice in the fridge if you want it. Which you probably will, knowing you, James." I say, as they squeeze past me and walk along the hallway. I'm about to close the door when I notice two more people standing there. Steph and Giselle.

"Guys, what are you doing here?!" I ask in a rush.

"We came to see you!" Steph exclaims, rushing forward to hug me. I block her. She awkwardly steps back.

"Can we come in?" Giselle asks, gently.

"Uh, yeah, I guess..." I say slowly, my brain trying to process the fact that they are actually here, AT MY HOUSE, after so long. I close the door behind them. They walk into the living room, like they used to when they used to come round, like nothing's happened. Like nothing's up. Like nothing's changed. But it really has. And if they don't realise that, then they really weren't as good friends as I thought they were, when I used to call them my friends.

I join them in the living room. Looking up at me expectantly, Steph sits in an armchair, whilst Giselle sits on the floor. I slowly lower myself onto the sofa opposite. I find it makes my knee hurt less doing it that way.

Steph and Giselle continue to stare at me.

"What? What do you want me to say?" I burst out.

"I... I don't know." Giselle says quietly.

"It's just been so long, Em..." Steph adds, looking down awkwardly.

"Well - well that's not my fault. I didn't ask to injure myself, you know. I wasn't the one who told Riley that I wasn't able to dance. Someone just betrayed me and lost all my trust in them and I guess that cost my friendship with them." I say, casting a glare at Steph. "I didn't tell everyone else to disassociate themselves with me either. They did that of their own accord..." I trail off miserably.