I Can't Cope (COMPLETED)

Chapter 28 - Riley

It's been several days since I had the panic attack, and I can't say it's got any better. My head still aches, and every so often I'm attacked by an inescapable wave of nausea. But so far, I think I've done okay by not showing it.

I did more research, and I'm even more sure that I have anxiety issues. And... and that's hard to admit to. Because I don't want that resting on me for the rest of my life. But it will, because I really don't want anyone to know about it. Because I WILL dance at the solo competition - and nothing can stop me.

Talking of the solo competition, I'm on my way to the costume maker's now, along with West, Giselle, James and Miss Kate. Giselle's in the front with Miss Kate, because I think I'm better at handling the boys. Besides, her and Miss Kate will probably want to talk about studio head and dance captain things.

West is busy discussing something with James, so that just leaves me. Not that I mind of course, knowing me, I'd probably just say something I'd regret.

We eventually reach the costume shop and get out. I've never been here before - ever since we won Nationals, we have had money to spare, and Miss Kate decided to splash out on these costumes a little - and it looks pretty nice. I follow Miss Kate and Giselle, who have already gone inside, and let James and West in behind me.

I stop, and in spite of everything, I smile. This looks amazing. I can't wait to choose my dress!

A woman, who I assume is in charge, walks over to us. I continue to smile, thinking about the fact she's nothing like Zoltan and Minnow. Although, I have to say, they did do a pretty good job with our uniforms in the end...

"Good afternoon!" she says, shaking Miss Kate's hand. "You must be Kate Wasylenko."

"Yes, that's me!" Kate says, with a small laugh.

"So, from our earlier phone call, I believe I am right in saying you are in need of one male and one female outfit, yes?"

"Yes, one for West," Miss Kate points at West, "and one for Riley." she continues, pointing at me.

"Okay." the woman says. "We shall start with West, so, girls feel free to look around. Riley, remember if you see anything you like!"

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"So now we've decided you want a black dress with a purple trim, we need to decide sleeve length." the dressmaker says, whose name I now know is Mrs Lowell.

"Long!" I say quickly. Giselle looks at me.

"You sure? Won't you overheat if you dance as hard as you did in rehearsal the other day?" she says.

"No, I'll be fine." I reply. I probably won't be fine, but I don't want to tell her the real reason. I'm just... more comfortable in long sleeves...

"Okay then." Giselle sits back in her chair.

Mrs Lowell looks up at me from the drawing of the dress.

"Is that how you want it?"

I examine the drawing. It's perfect.

"Yes, yes it is!" I say, amazed at how long I've managed to stay distracted by this. If only it can last on competition day...

"Okay, well," Mrs Lowell turns to Miss Kate. "If you can bring West and Riley back in on Thursday to try on their costumes, then we can do any necessary adjustments."

"Okay, thank you." Miss Kate replies, getting up. "See you then." she smiles and walks to the door. We follow her out of the shop and go back to the car.

Getting in, I feel that all-too-familiar sickness come over me again. I half-sit, half-fall into my seat and fumble to put on my seatbelt - which takes several attempts due to the fact my vision has started to blur again. It takes me a lot to stop myself from shouting out in frustration and it takes me even more to stop myself from gagging. It just feels so horrible and I hate it.

Giselle turns around in her seat.

"Hey guys, we're gonna get pizza!" she says happily.

"WOOOOO!" West says loudly. "Did you know the world's longest pizza was 1,853.88 m long? And the most expensive pizza costs $12,000?" And-"

"West!" Giselle laughs. "We don't need random pizza facts."

"Sorry." West replies. "I just like pizza..." he trails off, evidently thinking about something. Pizza probably.

I wish I could be as happy as they are over pizza, but it's just, I won't be able to eat it. The smell alone will be enough to make me retch. I don't know what's wrong with me, I haven't eaten for hours, and I don't feel like I'll want to any time soon. But I'll have to eventually.

I look out the window. The clouds above are overcast and grey and it looks like it's going to rain soon. Why does my mood always seem to link with the weather? It's hardly been sunny for days and I don't feel like that's a good sign for the week coming. I still have no confidence about the solo competition, but I hope that things will have improved, or at least, be put on hold, to let me accomplish one good thing.

I know I expect too much from people, but I wish someone would notice I'm not doing well. It's not that I want the attention, it's just that always fighting on your own can be tough.

I turn my head to look at James. He's barely given me a look these past few days. Probably because he's spent what I would call too much time with Michelle. I know she's my best friend, it's just if I'm not suspicious then she'll probably steal him from right under my nose. And I feel like I'm going to need him. Because even though he's hurt me before, nothing he did was ever as bad as what Nick did. And deep down, I know James is a good guy.

The way he smiles, the way he dances, the way he says 'don't even worry about it'... as much as I don't want to depend on anyone, I can't help but find myself falling in love with him...

I don't want to lose him. And I don't want to get hurt again. I just want things to be good, for me, for him, for us. But with Michelle possibly liking him too, will things be okay?

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There's chapter 28! Hope you enjoyed it :)

Apologies again for the long wait for another chapter, let's just say I've been able to relate to some of the events that have happened in my story recently a little more than I would've liked to this week :/ (and no, I don't mean the dress fitting :D )

I have several more chapters written so they should be up soon :) until then, please continue to read, comment and vote, I appreciate it a lot!

Next chapter, we will hear how Emily has been getting on in her life... ;)