I Can't Cope (COMPLETED)

Chapter 34 - Riley

Sitting in the back of the car on the way back to the studio, I stare blankly at my hands. In the car is Emily, Miss Kate, Giselle and West, and, I guess, because of earlier's... events, no one speaks a word.

I know Miss Kate is extremely disappointed and I feel so guilty even though she says it's okay. But it's not okay, I let her down and it's so utterly embarrassing. I had to lie to Emily, again, and I wish I didn't have to. But when I told Nick I wasn't happy, he just made it a hundred times worse, and I don't want a repeat of that. I don't even want anyone to know about that.

My stupid headache is back with a vengeance, and this time, I don't think it's going to go. I only just about managed to keep in a scream earlier, the pain was so unbearable.

The worst thing was before I was about to go on, the feeling of no control whatsoever, the lack of breath, the violent shakes coursing through my body. It's the worst feeling I've ever felt – even worse than the things Nick did to me.

Nick! Why is Nick all I can think about right now?! I wish I could forget about him, he moved out of town and I've been free from him and all his 'games' for almost 4 years, but still his words haunt my mind, scars are still left behind... and I just can't escape from it.

I shake my head slightly, temporarily forgetting about my terrible headache but instantly reminded by a sharp pain which shoots up from the back of my neck to the top of my head. Momentarily paralysed, I stay in that position: halfway through an action I don't wish to continue.

Emily glances over at me and frowns. I immediately shift myself into a normal seating position, determined to ignore the pain.

"Ri, are you okay?" she asks. I smile half-heartedly back at her, like I did earlier.

"Mmm." I reply, not wanting to go into detail.

"Sure? You can still tell me you know..."

I sigh. Why won't she just leave it? I appreciate her caring - it's more than a lot of people have done - but can't she see I don't want to talk about it? Not with her - or anyone else. One of them will tell Miss Kate and if she thinks I'm not fit to dance - which is probably true, to be honest - I'll lose my place on A Troupe. I can't have that taken away from me, it's the only thing I have left.

Because I can't imagine me and James lasting much longer. I've been putting it off time and time again but I really need to sort it out with him. If he thinks Michelle is better, I'd rather he just told me. As much as I love him, I'll just have to pretend I'm fine with it. The walls will just have to go back up, and he can't complain I don't tell him anything - because it'll be his fault. Though maybe it's mine... I don't know, it's just I'm tired of being used and I want to prevent myself from getting hurt any worse than last time.

I let out another sigh. Why can't things ever be good for me? Or, to be honest, even just 'okay'? Because I'm sick of everything just being turned into a chain of events, everything just adds to my issues and I swear if something else happens, I'll end up doing something worse than just walking away.

Reaching the studio, we get out of Miss Kate's car.

"Well," she says, evidently searching for the right words. "I'll... see you on Monday, Riley, West and Giselle." She turns to Emily. "Feel free to drop in sometime, it was good to see you!"

Emily smiles and glances at me.

"Yeah, I'll come. Can I, uh, bring Hunter too?"

West looks at Emily.

"Wait, Hunter's back?" he says, surprised.

"Yeah, he is!" Emily says enthusiastically. "And we're back together..." she adds, her cheeks filled with a pink flush. West smiles.