Saving Me

Desire

Ashley's POV

It's been four days since Spencer and I went to Fox Island Beach Carnival, Saturday—four very long days. Ms. Heevy came back from her vacation three days ago and she doubled me up on my janitorial duties. Maybe her vacation didn't go as well as she'd planned. I've been so busy cleaning that Spencer and I have had absolutely no time for each other for the past three days.

She's been offering to help me with my duties as usual but I didn't want her to feel like she's the one that got in trouble and was assigned to clean. I'm the one in trouble so I'm the one that should be cleaning—so I haven't allowed her to help me since Saturday. Which she isn't very happy about.

I guess I should talk about the almost kiss. I wanted to kiss Spencer, in case you're wondering. I wanted to kiss her really bad but at the same time... I'm glad that Madison interrupted us. I wanted our first kiss to be more special than that. Plus ending our first... I guess date... with our first kiss is kinda cliché don't you think?

–

"Aiden says that he wants to hang out today if everyone is up for it." Madison speaks up suddenly. We're all lounging around the room. Stacy is off from work and this is the one day out of the week Ms. Heevy has decided to give me a break from my janitorial duties. Madison is laying on her bed—most likely texting Aiden, Spencer and I are laying on her bed—not cuddling, unfortunately, Rachael and Stacy are laying on Rachael's bed and Kyla is sitting on the couch watching T.V.

"Mads you know Ash and Ky can't go cause Ms. Heevy's back." Rachael speaks up.

"No." Stacy corrects her. "Kyla can't go. But we can always sneak Ashley out." Stacy adds with a smile.

"No fair." Kyla groans.

"Ky you know that Ms. Heevy likes to check up on your ass." Madison says from her bed.

"But how come..."

"Don't even say it." I cut her off. Kyla has a tendency to bring up Sarah in situations where her name really doesn't need to be mentioned.

"Fine." Kyla settles on and goes back to watching T.V.

"Stace can I talk to you for a second?" I lift up from Spencer's bed and ask.

"Yeah sure." She tells me, untangling herself from Rach. We both get up and make our way out our bedroom door. "What's up?" She asks once I close the door behind us.

"Can we go somewhere a little more private?" I asks and she nods knowingly. I only ever ask to talk to Stace in private when it's about something extremely important. I think that Stacy was the first person I told about Sarah and I. Even though Madison and I have always been the closest. We walk down to the basement and exit out the back door into the back yard.

"What's wrong, Ash?" Stace asks as we start walking along the trail.

I'm not really sure of what to say or how to start this. I have so much going on in my head that it's getting kind of hard to decipher it all.

"I have feelings for Spencer." I say and look at her. She gives me a small smile.

"I know." She says simply.

I shake my head and continue. "No, I really have feelings for Spencer, Stace. Like I wanna be with her."

"I know, Ashley." We stop walking. "What's so wrong with that?" She asks and my expression changes. I can't help but think of Sarah in this situation. "Sarah." She breathes out. Shaking her head knowingly. "I get it Ash, honestly I do. I don't know what I would do if Rach got adopted. I'm pretty sure I would fall apart like you did. But the thing is... where is she Ash? She's made not one attempt to contact you since she left." She pauses as I cringe at her words. "You need to move on. She's gone and we both know that she's not coming back."