Something Borrowed

Chapter 24: Life Changing

            "How are things with Nathaniel?" Daphne asked as she sat across from me in the small coffee shop.

"Tense," I said pensively. "But we've made things work, for the public, of course."

"Have the pair of you talked about that night?" She asked, stirring cream into her drink.

"I don't see the point in talking things out with him Daph, what is done is done. He doesn't want to be with me, and I can't find another man."

"He's so unreasonable," Daphne sighed, shaking her head. "The fact that he is making Rafael stay in Spain is absolutely-"

"It's a good thing," I interrupted, my eyes focused on the leaf pattern in my coffee. "I'm glad Rafael is there, it's nice to have some distance, it's better this way, Daph."

"It's not," Daphne said softly, squeezing my fingertips from across the table. "The two of you really care about each other, Astoria."

"And that's why this is a good thing," I said finitely, leaving no room for argument. "If he were here I would never forgive myself if we..." I trailed off, trying to shake off the thought. "The point is, no matter how badly I want it, I can never have Rafael. I just have to be with Nathaniel and enjoy it. I've been contemplating getting a dog; something to keep me company."

"If you had-"

"I'm not keeping a lover," I said dismissively.

"Have you even spoken to Rafael since you moved back?"

I shook my head. "I don't know when or if I'll ever be able to talk to him again. It's all up to Nathaniel. Rafael and I both have too much to lose to play with fate."

"How about Dayton?"

"I haven't given a thought to Dayton Mayfield," I said dismissively, hoping the flush that was spreading on my cheeks was not noticeable. To be honest, I'd thought about Dayton only a few times, especially after Nathaniel made it clear Rafael was not welcome near me. I entertained the idea of spending time with Dayton if I ever saw him again, but I knew I'd be in the exact same situation I was with Rafael. Alone. Sad. Wishing circumstances were different.

"It's a shame, he really did seem like a nice man."

"I've never seen him on court," I said, justifying my outer disdain, hoping my shallow behavior will throw off my scent. I hoped she wouldn't see that I was partially attracted to him because he was not like the others, because he didn't seem like the type of man to suffer through boring parties to keep up appearances.

"That doesn't mean he isn't a good man."

"All the well bred men are on court, Daphne. He must be up and coming, or a drifter. Nevertheless, he is not a man I will spend my time fretting over."

"You seemed to have thought this well through... over a guy who is not worth fretting over," Daphne said with a smug smile, finishing off her coffee.

"Well I needed to find something to do in all my spare time," I said sharply before sighing. "I just wish that Nathaniel at least gave me some sort of attention."

"You're... frustrated?" Daphne asked, wiggling her eyebrows. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.

"I'm irritated that I have a husband, who sleeps in the same room as I do, who shares a bed with me, who has not spoken more than a few sparse words to me since I've returned."