Something Borrowed

Chapter 34: Time Heals All Wounds

            The sand was warm between my toes as the waves lapped at my ankles. I turn my face up to the sun, basking in the feeling. It had been a long time since I had felt so well rested. I wish that time would just stop; I wish that nothing else mattered in the world. I wish, more than anything that I had drowned that day. But as I've been told, everything happens for a reason, and who am I to doubt fate? After all, fate had done marvelous things for me thus far, I thought bitterly.

Margaret mostly kept to herself, staying in the guesthouse when she visited me. She stayed in the city while I contented myself by staying in the Hamptons. I always had a maid watching over my shoulder, making sure I was fine, reporting back to Margaret on my outstanding progress.

This was the place that Nathaniel had always mused about taking me again. He told me that the Hamptons were just the place for me to stay, and I couldn't agree more. Livingston was nearby; he visited once a week when he wasn't busy with his mayor position in New York City. I grinned thinking of him; thinking of the excitement I felt when he called to tell me the good news a few weeks back

I liked the Hamptons; it was tucked far away from the eyes of the city. People here were nosy, but they also didn't linger on one topic for too long. I was old news, and I was grateful for that. I hardly left the house, the maid, Cindy, did most of the shopping for me, because Margaret didn't want me to go exploring quite yet. Every time she visited me we went to a cute coffee shop a few miles down the road on the bay, but that was it. I was confined to this small area, no negotiating.

She knew that if we went too far someone would recognize me and tattle on me to Nathaniel. Nathaniel has made his intentions clear: he plans on finding me, but the people of the Hamptons have been generous thus far, keeping me hidden, I didn't want to push it. A part of me wished he would find our where I am, just so that he knew I was okay without him. But the other part of me was thankful for how cautious Margaret was; I wasn't ready for him to come find me. I couldn't look him in the eye, not after everything.

I still felt that crippling fear I felt that day when I woke up in the hospital, recounting the event over and over on a constant loop. I wanted to die that day, and I would have if it hadn't been for Rafael coming home a day early, finding me unresponsive in the tub.

I could almost feel the water lapping over my mouth. I would never forget that feeling, so close to death; it still gave me the chills thinking about it.

Slowly suffocating, filling my lungs, making me sink deeper into unconsciousness. I was so close to being free from him-from this life-but Rafael found me. It was a miracle. He was my guardian angel, or at least that's what everyone else said... the jury is still out.

I sit up and wrap my arms around my knees, pulling them to my chest. I haven't seen Nathaniel outside of tabloids. People try to keep his name out of my earshot, even my mother. I've seen pictures of him, and heard murmurs of his one night stands with models, but Margaret keeps me very sheltered from anything that could remind me of Nathaniel.

The last real piece of him that I had with me was the divorce papers. George sent them: signed and ready for finalization, so that Nathaniel could be rid of me. I feel a sense of closure now, knowing that he didn't fight the divorce. His desire for a divorce made the process that much easier; all I had to do was send them back, and I would no longer be Mrs. Woods, but Ms. Wellington. Everything would be back to normal.

The papers sit beside me, carefully placed outside the reach of the waves. I've had them since I arrived at the Hamptons. They haven't left my sight; they've remained as a constant reminder of who I am. As soon as my mother told me he was involved with Portia Green before the marriage, I knew it was the beginning of the end.

"Astoria?" Margaret called from over my shoulder. I rose to my feet, gathering the papers, cradling them against my chest as I walked towards her. Her dark hair was up in a ponytail and tucked under her baseball cap. "Is everything alright?" She asked, walking beside me back towards the house.

I smiled at her, and this brought a smile to her face as she tucked me under her arm. "I'm ready, Marg," I said softly as I set the papers on the counter with a shaky hand, taking out the pen. She carefully studied my movements with a grim smile. "I need to find something else to live for," I mused, twirling the wedding ban on my left finger and fingering the engagement ring on my right, ready to trade them. Rafael and I had talked almost every day since Margaret and I took off-it has almost been two months since I came to the Hamptons, and the time has been healing.

I miss Nathaniel, I miss his smile and the little things I fell in love with. But I also miss being in love, really in love. Every time I talk to Rafael, I am a little more hopeful about a happy future, about a family.

I was pregnant before my accident. I didn't know it, it was too early for me to know, but I was, and it keeps me up at night thinking about it. My mother was the first to find out, then Rafael and Nathaniel's parents; I don't know if the news made it to him, I pray it didn't. It was difficult enough knowing that I disappointed Rafael; I couldn't disappoint Nathaniel too.

I slowly signed the papers, my heart sinking in my chest as I drop the pen, stepping back and taking a deep breath, turning my back on the papers. "You can send them to George anytime now," I said softly, somberly smiling at Margaret over my shoulder. "I'm going to go call Rafael, I think it's time."

Margaret nodded, putting the papers back in the envelope and carrying them down the hall. I stood alone in the kitchen, feeling relief and sadness overwhelm me. I know it was the right thing for us, or maybe that's wishful thinking, but it helped me as I climbed into bed that night, dreaming of a future I was finally excited about.