Something Borrowed

Chapter 31: A Little Too Late

            Nathaniel held the letter in his hands as he sat in the empty conference room. He hadn't heard anything about her since he arrived. He was her family; he was her husband. Although, he hadn't acted like a husband; he didn't even deserve to be called her husband. Everything she said to him was true; he was no husband of hers.

He just wished he had noticed how bad she had gotten. She always struggled with her impulsive nature, but he never thought she'd take it this far. She had given him so many warning signs. He had treated her so terribly, and now he didn't even know if he'd have the chance to apologize at the end of this.

He looked down at the letter, gripping onto it like it was the last thing he'd ever hold. Their wedding picture floated down on the table, glaring daggers into him. It was the black and white photo of them walking hand in hand down the beach. Her shoes in one hand and the other intertwined with his. A bitter smile spread on his lips as he studied her beautiful profile as she beamed up at him. He could still feel her breath on his cheeks as she stared up at him. That moment would forever be branded into his mind.

Promise me I will never regret this, her words echoed in his mind as if he was still standing on the beach, holding her hand, staring into her hopeful, blissful blue eyes. He had failed her in more ways than one, but this, the promise he broke, hurt him the most. She had never asked much of him, and when she did, she expected him to follow through-she trusted him to be a man of his word and he failed.

He closed his eyes, reminiscing; she looked so beautiful that day. Her sweeping blond hair pulled back from her eyes, cascading down her back. She had a pale pink lily tucked behind her ear that he had plucked from her bouquet. He wanted, more than anything, to go back in time and to tell her how much he loved her, even then.

Yes. He loved her. That revelation had hit him as soon as he listened to her mother's voicemail. He'd never felt so powerless before, and it was because he knew her fate was left in someone else's hands. He wanted, more than anything, to be able to see her, but both their parents had read the letter. Her mother and father had flown in earlier in the day yesterday to surprise her and they were planning on going to dinner that evening. She gave no indication that she was about to do what she did.

Both their parents knew nearly everything that he had put her through the past two years. All of the ridicule Astoria now faced was completely his fault, and everyone else knew it too. He had never felt such overwhelming shame from his parents before.

His mother loved Astoria, they had grown quite close, even though he'd forced her to stay isolated from them, and his father adored her also which was an impossible feat in itself, he appreciated her sense of humor. Nathaniel appreciated it too; he had looked forward to the evenings they spent together before they were married, just the two of them, when she spoke freely, about anything and everything. She was a rare breed, and he took advantage of her free spirit.

He shivered as he thought of the image of the pale skinned, discolored girl the doctors huddled around in the hospital room. Completely naked, all natural, fighting for her life as they struck her with the paddles, making her body rise off the bed as they tried over and over to make the machines come to life.

Her blonde hair was still soaking wet and matted from when they pulled her from the bathtub. He had to look away from her in that moment; he'd never felt such a tear in his heart as he did in that moment. It was like someone was reaching inside his chest, squeezing his heart, clogging his airway. He couldn't stop thinking that it was his fault. And it was. He should have given her what she wanted; she deserved to be happy, and he was too selfish to let her go.